Loved By Me

February 13, 2013 § 209 Comments

If, like me, you find yourself alone on Valentine’s Day, please do as I do – treat yourself well. As the spotlight shines down and reveals that you have yet to end your day looking into the eyes of your life’s love, or even that of a mere lover, use the day to look into yourself. And when you do, please do so with kindness. Fall in love with you.

It almost seems like a superfluous concept – to fall in love with one’s self. And yet, it is your self that will follow you wherever you go. It is yourself that will talk to you when no one is there. Your self will damn you. Your self will love you. The belief you have in yourself can cause you to crumble or it can cause you to reach unprecedented heights. The energy and perspective you put into you – you will receive from you in the form of inner knowing, conviction and peace.

On this day, instead of giving free rein to a mind that critiques and reminds us of our failures, come to peace with those moments when the outcome for which you had most hoped didn’t manifest. Think about giving yourself credit for having survived something that, at the time, felt like death. When you look in the mirror, instead of seeing the effects of time and stress, see a face that has viewed some of the ugliest of circumstances, and yet can radiantly shine when caught up in laughter. And when you look down at your body, try not to see those things that cause you disappointment. Try to remember that your body is giving you it’s very best, dependent upon what you are giving it. Furthermore, if your body is like mine, it has moved through hell and back, perhaps more than once. And when the time comes that you are confronted with your life’s love, they will see your beauty – because doing so is inherent to the nature of who they are. A divine love is divinely given, and thus sees the divine in us even when we falter and struggle to see it for ourselves.

Go easy on you. I would recommend that you take every day to treat yourself well. But if not, then please use tomorrow as a celebration of the love you are cultivating for you. Making peace with yourself. Loving your many attributes, thoughts, hopes and dreams is the beginning of the most important relationship one can have – the one we have with ourself. You will be with you during your greatest successes, your deepest disappointments and upon your final day. And if you are blessed to meet up with your life’s love, you’ll then be coming from a place not of insecurity, but of acceptance. You’ve accepted you, which will allow you to accept them.

I won’t deny that the favorable ending for tomorrow would be in front of a fire or wrapped in the arms of one’s lover. That would be my chosen route. But instead, I will endeavor to treat myself well. I will remind myself of my own beauty. My triumphs. My successes. My gifts. I will also spend the day spoiling me as I would wish to be spoiled by a partner. I will stop off and enjoy the taste of something delectable; its a fair assumption dark chocolate will be involved. I will peruse my favorite boutiques and I will allow my body to get pampered. Most of all, I will go easy on me. And my hope is that you go easy on you. Whether you are loved by many, loved by one or only loved by you – never forget – you are quite special.


§ 209 Responses to Loved By Me

  • carlo says:

    The reason why our society is going down has to be searched into an excess of individual’s self indulgence. i enjoyed reading your piece but, as far as I can say, pieats should be reserved to others while hardship should be endured for oneself. We are too mellow and in love with ourselves today, and this makes it for a selfish, cynical and dull world.


  • jensine says:

    ah what beautiful words, and my sentiment exactly …

  • I’ve never thought of valentine’s day as a downer day but I suppose like many other “holidays” the excess and commercialism of it all impacts you whether you like it or not since, if you live in a city, is “in your face”.

  • maryslow says:

    I did not love myself for many years. As a result others did not treat me very well. (After all, why should they treat me any better than I treated myself?) After two failed marriages, I decided that I was not going to look for love outside myself anymore. When I learned to be “loved by me,” I didn’t just find love… I became love. I began to buy myself flowers, get massages, and spend time taking care of me. Now there is someone wonderful in my life (I happened to marry him). But I will always love myself, whether he (or anyone else) does or not. And I enjoyed your piece very much.

    • SaneSamantha says:

      I’m so very happy for you. I too struggled to truly accept the all of me. I tried to only reveal those things I thought were pleasing to others, smothers those things I thought were not. When I wrote my first novel, the power that moved through me did so in a way that showed me the truth of who I am. And that truth is – all of me is of value. No part prettier or better than the rest. On that day I took my first steps toward loving me. Now, so many years later, I love the all of me. Now I hope to help others do the same, through my books, my posts and all I do. Thank you for sharing this. It means so much. Best to you ~ S.

  • Mike says:

    I am by no means the first to say it but if you cannot love yourself, how can you expect to love another? After much struggle I eventually became content with my own company and continue to eyeball the shaving mirror each morning, just as I did on the morning of February 15th having spent the previous evening alone. However I doubt that I could express this wonderful state of existence in the florid phraseology that you have and with as much touching and passionate eloquence. Definitely grand advice, but lyrical expression on an ever grander scale.

  • What do you do when your head and your heart won’t let you?

    • SaneSamantha says:

      It took me forty odd years to finally understand that I am not a passive player in my life. It takes courage to stand up within oneself. It takes even more courage to step into one’s true self. Because it means accepting those things we feel are unlovable, unacceptable or just plain faulty. When we pick and choose, we force ourself to stand on the outside; waiting to become perfect before we can embrace who we are. For me – it was a life or death moment. My depression was quite smothering. My soul just wanted me to look upon myself with favorable eyes. To realize that without the darkness within me there is no need for the light. As it is the darkness that beckons the light. Due to such I now see myself as possessing a rather vast palette of colors. Some dark, some light. I use them all with a very loving hand. I see them with purpose. I no longer judge me. So maybe, your heart and head are waiting for you to say, “Okay. I choose to love what I see.” And once we look at ourself through this loving lens, we begin to see our beauty. I don’t know if these words have helped, or if they even touched upon what you meant. I do hope so, Simple Hearted Girl. Because you are so worthy of being loved – most of all, and first of all – by you. Much love to you ~ S.

  • Wow..That was beautiful..You captured the true feeling of loneliness with your words.I think I need to get freshly pressed..

    • SaneSamantha says:

      Thank you, and I’m so pleased you enjoyed my post. Loneliness is such a peculiar thing. I’m never quite lonely now, but I will never forget the poignant depths of how loneliness felt. Much love to you! ~ S.

  • bliss steps says:

    ~ Your post is very honest, I applaud you for putting your heart upfront! :) Singles rock, we rock you know! I’m sure your post has enlightened lots of souls, me included. Btw, here’s my single story (, I hope you can also relate. And, if time comes you find your new love, please accept my best wishes! Cheers and congrats on being FP! (-; – :)

    • SaneSamantha says:

      When we are content with ourself, then we are good alone or with someone. When we love who we are, then we enhance their life, and they enhance ours. We no longer need them to love something within us that we hadn’t the courage to love. We’ve done that for ourself. They become a beautiful addition to our life, not a necessity. Or so I feel. Thank you so much for the kind words. Best to you! ~ S.

  • Ann Koplow says:

    Wow. I love this post. Today, for the first time, I decided to venture out into the Blogosphere and really check out “Freshly Pressed.” And that venture brought me to your post, for which I am very grateful. Thanks for sharing these helpful and beautifully written thoughts. You are inspiring a newbie blogger (who also thinks a lot about self-love). All the best, Ann

    • SaneSamantha says:

      Well that helped to make my day :) Thank you! I wish you the very best with your blogging, and your explorations into the Blogosphere. I am very grateful you found yourself enjoying my words. So nice. I’m so thankful. Much love to you ~ S.

  • from my experience about 90% of bloggers already are in love with themselves.

  • Al Kline says:

    We should always pat ourselves on the back everyday for just putting up with the hardships in this world. Everyone living should be thankful for what they have and don’t worry about the things you don’t.

  • kico2pac says:

    It’s so beautiful….So sentimental….

  • I share this same message to my single clients who get down on days like this. I treated myself to a new watch for Valentines Day, after all, no one else got me anything so I treated myself :)

  • Your post filled my heart with light. You are absolutely right- the only person we truly have forever is ourselves, so why not fall in love with that person in the mirror? We have to treat ourselves with kindness and acceptance. Valentine’s Day was pretty tough on me, but I did the same thing you did- reminded myself that I am absolutely worthy of love, and then bought myself some flowers.

    • SaneSamantha says:

      Good for you! I didn’t buy myself flowers, but I did happen upon a very nice bottle of Pino Noir :) lol Much love, and thank you so ~ S.

      • Oooh, a glass of Pinot Noir sounds tasty right about now! Sometimes you can’t wait for others to spoil you, because you might be waiting forever. Better to take the matter into your own hands. I look forward to seeing more of your posts! Have a great week.

  • Absolutely beautiful. In all reality, I HATE Valentine’s day. I believe that one should be loved and cared for every day of the year. You should treat the person you love amazingly all the time, not just on one day. This year, I was driving 6 hours from Wyoming to Colorado for a family member’s funeral. My husband apologized for not doing anything for valentine’s day. My response: Well, you take care of me every day. You buy me roses all the time. I don’t need ONE day to feel loved because I am loved all the time.

    I completely agree with you. If you can’t love yourself, who can you love. I am 250lbs, a mom of a 3 year old and a wife. Sometimes I don’t get ready, sometimes I don’t do my hair, sometimes I don’t even shower every day. I love myself. Do I wish I was lighter, yes. But I have learned to love myself, and my accomplishments. I have my battle scars from having a child, but my son gives me so much light and joy it’s ridiculous… So I love my scars. You have to love yourself before you can truly love anyone else…

    Very beautifully written. Thank you :)

    • SaneSamantha says:

      Thank you so much for sharing this with me. There is a line from the very beginning of my third novel (which I’m still writing) that reads: Looking down she wondered what was worse, the scars she saw on the outside or the ones she tried to hide on the inside. We all have them. But I believe will all my heart if we allow it, those scars can enhance our beauty. They are part of what has shaped us. Thank you again, and much love ~ S.

  • abigler42 says:

    I love your post. Somehow loving ourselves is such a struggle and requires so much practice. I am reminded by something I heard somewhere – “without me my world ends”

  • whereiskasia says:

    Reblogged this on Where is Kasia and commented:

  • […] Loved By Me.. couldn’t have said it better myself. […]

  • sanchitaa says:

    Wow its a godincidence…..yesterday itself i felt i’m no special and then this blog happened….u have motivated me to the extremes….thankyouu

  • Your words are poignant and wise. It all starts with self – not narcissism, but acceptance and understanding. You can’t give from an empty cup.

  • perrykj says:

    Your post was the boost I needed this year for Valentine’s day. I still hate Valentine’s Day because for years I have looked at in the traditional commerical sense. But now that I’m a little older, I’ve realized that looking at it the way you have described, makes it more bearable. Plus I can always just stick to celebrating Black History Month in February instead. It’s lot more substantial and personally more important anyways. Loved your post though! It was beautifully written! :)

  • Peeksi says:

    I just knew you’d be freshly pressed =). Yay!

    And, as I’ve written before, I love your writing!

  • maeveala says:

    Beautiful. Thanks for writing. I got a lot out of it.

  • shh19 says:

    i loved reading your writing. i don’t know how well i will be able to use it but am definitely going to try. but what i don’t understand is doesn’t loving yourself kill all the scope of improvements?

    • SaneSamantha says:

      Thank you for your kind words. And, all I can relay is what I feel for myself. I love me as I am evolving. I love the me that was not the person I am today, as much as the one that is. I am ever changing. I find things that I want to improve and tweak. But I love all those many layers and version so myself. I no longer dislike me or choose not to lovingly accept me because I have not reached a certain level of perfection. Instead, I love me in full. Best to you ~ S.

  • Mia Wallace says:

    Beautifully eloquated; in fact, I was moved close to tears reading this post. I absolutely agree with the sentiment that one must love oneself first and foremost. My other half, my Mr. Vincent Vega, truly loves me for me…but he couldn’t do that without me loving myself–else, he’d be in love with some facade of me, not who I am at the core.
    Great post. Liked and followed!

    • SaneSamantha says:

      You are living proof – how beautiful. To be love on a core level, that is soul love. So sweet, so divine. I’m so happy for you. When it comes to a union, that is the type of love that must sit as its foundation. I deserve no less. I have no desire for less. Thank you so much for sharing this, and your kind words. Much love to you ~ S.

      • Mia Wallace says:

        Thank you for taking the time to read and respond to my comment! I’m always open to blogsharing opportunities, feel free to drop me an email if you have the same interest!
        Love and light,

      • SaneSamantha says:

        You are very welcome. Actually I try to respond so much quicker; sorry about that. I read your email while heading out for a getaway weekend with a very special someone! I made myself leave my laptop at home. A rarity for me. But I wanted to give him my dedicated attention, so I did. Email anytime. I would like that. Best to you, Mia ~ S.

  • Morolayo says:

    i really liked reading your post, i thought it was really interesting. Due to the fact you offer such words o encouragement and postive thinking about oneself, which is important. We should try to embrace the skin were in as well as the body were in too!

  • KerryTaylor2012 says:

    Reblogged this on Kerry Taylor and commented:
    The feeling of not loving the most important person in your life – you!

  • KerryTaylor2012 says:

    I do not understand if it is because we are more aware of what is going on due to technology, that we have gained awareness of the many issues with self-esteem/depression. Or if technology such as the Internet has caused the adverse effect and allowed us to feel this way about ourselves due to the pressurising society and ever readiness of information. I do feel low and down at times, but as one reply says, how can you ever love someone if you do not accept, understand and fundamentally love yourself…………..

    • SaneSamantha says:

      I’m not quite sure either from where this all stems. Either way, the truth remains – we must love who we are if ever we are to love another. So glad you agree. Much love ~ S.

  • I understand where this post is coming from and I agree with other comments that it is beautiful,

    “When you look in the mirror, instead of seeing the effects of time and stress, see a face that has viewed some of the ugliest of circumstances, and yet can radiantly shine when caught up in laughter.” That paragraph is pure, golden light.

  • rose says:

    is love really meaningful when it’s turned inwards? Dark chocolate notwithstanding.

    • SaneSamantha says:

      We all have our own perspective, our own path. But I will say for me, love becomes the most meaningful after its first directed inward. This inner love isn’t selfish, in fact, it is the foundation of my selflessness. It isn’t conceited. It is me accepting myself as is, at a core level. Loving and not judging all these many nuances that make me – me. And when I do that, when I’m able to look at myself in this way, then I can look at others without judgement and with acceptance. Because I see the humanity and beauty in us all after first having found it within me. I can appreciate the human layers within you, let’s say, because I first learned to appreciate them within me. Its a very loving way to live. And of course, dark chocolate is always welcomed :) Best to you ~ S.

  • Beautiful words, very touching! I just wish I knew where to start.

    • SaneSamantha says:

      Thank you so for the kind words. As for your comment, “I just wish I knew where to start.” The first movement toward connection is noticing the disconnect. You’ve done this. Now you must go inward. But as you do, look at yourself much like you would something in nature. Do you look critically upon the flower struggling to grow and show its beauty. See yourself as that flower. Because you are the flower. And if you must judge yourself, do so kindly. Look upon yourself like you would a small child that is doing its very best. The child doesn’t mean to stumble, its just inherent to the process. And thus is the same with you, and with me and with everyone. Much love to you ~ S.

  • such great reminders :)

  • aiden02 says:

    This is a beautiful piece. It has a lot of me in it. Always seeing the bad when there is so much more good. Failing to see what the ones that love me, see in me. Or not wanting to notice it because of only remembering the negatives that was said in the past. “And if you are blessed to meet up with your life’s love, you’ll then be coming from a place not of insecurity, but of acceptance. You’ve accepted you, which will allow you to accept them”. Accepting myself is one of the hardest things, which makes it hard to believe that someone else will be able to accept me. I am growing to be more confident each day to try and build my self esteem. I have made some changes and I have set up a journey to find the true me. Wish me luck. Thank you for these words, to me it makes a difference.

    • SaneSamantha says:

      I have no idea why we so easily believe the false words voiced by our egocentric mind. The fact that the belief feels so terrible should tell us that it is baseless. If we are to believe anything let it be our soul which always cuts through the fears, doubts and insecurities. The soul knows of your beauty. So each time your mind whispers words that hurt your heart or make you cringe, remember it feels so bad because it is not inline with your deeper knowing – hence it feeling bad. Thoughts that feel good are thoughts that are true. Close your eyes and repeat to yourself, “I am beautiful because I am part of the Divine. And the Divine does not create something that is less than beautiful.” God has not made an ugly flower yet, and it surely didn’t with you. Much love to you ~ S.

  • Miss Kitty says:

    Your post is amazing and true. Being single gives you the time and space to get to know yourself better, as lonely as it can be at times, I found I’m braver and stronger than I ever thought. And apart from the dark days, there are times when I’m content to just enjoy a good walk, a nice meal and glass of lovely wine in the peace and comfort of my own company.

    • SaneSamantha says:

      This is so wonderful to hear. I can not thank you enough for sharing it; truly. And thank you for the kind words. I am so pleased this piece resonated with you. Much love ~ S.

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