Scrambled Eggs and Suntan Lotion

You have got to be kidding me. You mean to tell me after all this time, and countless tubes and bottles of waterproof sunscreen later – there’s no such thing as waterproof sunscreen?


I discovered this little factoid while reading More magazine as I sat in my Jeep waiting for my daughter the other day. Although alone at the time, I let out an audible response, “Say whaaaat?” Done Family Guy style. The article went on to say that due to sunscreen coming off in water (the shower, for instance), technically it shouldn’t claim to be waterproof. True, it does wash off. Yet, if the tube said waterproof (with image of surfer on front just to embellish the point), then I’m under the impression the mad scientists who created this miracle substance figured out how to make what was in the bottle differentiate (as if it had a mind), between pool and lake water, and shower and bath water.


I didn’t know how they did it. It’s not my job to know how they did it. I only knew that they did it. For all I knew they harnessed the insanely stubborn molecules found in scrambled eggs that make it stick to a spatula through two dishwasher cycles. My job isn’t to make sense of the claim. My job is to merely slather the stuff on and jump in the water.


Of course now, it only makes sense that there’s no such thing as waterproof sunscreen. I mean, how could it possibly stay adhered to one’s skin in the lake yet effortlessly wash off when in the shower. But just once I would like to believe if something makes a claim, its only able to do so because its a valid claim; founded on evidence. Oddly enough I’m usually skeptical of most product claims. And still so easily was I snookered by this one. Nothing turns me into a curmudgeon quicker than false statements. Why oh why is it companies and people so often say things knowing full well their words are empty. I never do this. I would rather remain quiet than say something that isn’t true. In my opinion empty words come from an empty heart.

There’s a saying: We are only as good as our word. I don’t hear that saying much anymore, but it has never lost its validity. I wonder why they don’t teach it and its premise, in school? To me it seems a great deal more important than geometry. Truthful statements are vital to a healthy world and relationship, and yet they’re constantly dismissed as optional – at best. It isn’t for me. Depending upon the severity of the false statement, I have to either relegate the person to a different part of my life or remove them completely. Like waterproof sunscreen, I can no longer count on what they’re saying.



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