What The ….?


During a physical interlude once, a man who shall remain nameless, ran his tongue brutishly between my upper lip and gums. This was not a delicate movement. It was not a gentle glide. More like a horse rooting for a hidden sugar cube. The act of which quickly replaced any amorous ideas I had, with the thought: What the …?

Granted, everyone likes different things. And this surely was not the worst of the worst. However, I found it profoundly non-stimulating, to say the least. Heaven forbid he had stumbled upon a crumb or popcorn husk wedged up in there. As a quasi-germaphobe, I tend to be a rather squeaky clean gal. But even after the most forceful of swishing, certain foods are reluctant to de-wedge themselves. Furthermore, never once have I witnessed a love scene wherein the woman’s upper lip was pushed outward as if she were receiving a thorough dental cleaning, all the while a thick tongue slithered along her gum line.

Perhaps this crazy-tongued fella had a funky dental fetish. I don’t know. I never asked. But that’s one of those surprises one hates to discover well after having signed a marital contract. Which was when this particular discovery was made by me. Please know the deflating sexual discoveries kept trickling in, long after. I’m far from a critical lover. But I do cringe at the memories.

I can’t stress enough the importance of trying to unearth such discoveries early on, preferably very early on. But such was not my case. And like a lot of bedroom experiences gone awry, I did what everyone does – block it out and try never to think of it again. Until today, when I truly wanted and needed to laugh. Which I can do as these discoveries are no longer a part of my  life.

No one holds a crystal ball that displays their future. Some say, having such would take all the fun out of life. For the most part I agree. Bearing in mind that I’ve had a few surprises come my way that would’ve been a whole lot easier had I known they were heading in my direction. Regardless, little surprises, both good and bad, line the path we walk in life. There’s no way to discover now what sits beyond our sight, nestled somewhere down the road. The best we can do is explore what we want to explore in its entirety while we walk. Life is about living – not holding back. There will be plenty of time for containment once we’ve passed on, and discover such a thing no longer exists. So as we walk on, I say we do so sampling and discovering all that we can. Hopefully, we’ll stumble upon some good surprises along the way.


Written while laughing, and listening to: Mountain Sound by Of Monsters & Men.


2 thoughts on “What The ….?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s