When I was around the age of fourteen, my mother warned me against the evils of boys: they will say anything to get what they want, they can’t be trusted, and they’d screw a package of chopped liver if they could. The last one made no sense to me until a few years later when standing at the meat counter, and I actually saw chopped liver. Good or bad, her words, were the earliest truths I had regarding the working’s of boys.
And unfortunately, as the years passed, my mother’s words rang more true than not. Although a fiction writer, I’ve never been one to claim fiction as my truth – even as a young girl. Thus, I never believed in the chivalry of the White Knight, the kindness of the Prince, or the sincerity of the eager-eyed boy as seen in movies and in stories. Sadly, while growing up, I never had evidence to prove that my beliefs were misguided.
It’s said that what we believe becomes our truth. If so, I can’t imagine these beliefs served me well. The movie reel within our mind spins often, playing out scenario after scenario of possible future events. What I have to wonder is: why its easier to play out what we fear versus play out that for which we hope. In fact, the movie reel of our fears is so over-played it’s nearly worn out. We keep it so close within reach; making it the first we grab. Whereas, the reel of our hopes is still crisp and bright from being tucked away in a round tin. Occasionally, we allow ourselves a glimpse of it, but then convince ourselves that it’s too good to be true. And with that, we pull it off the projector and tuck it back away.
We know what we want. If not with etched clarity, we surely know the essence. We know in general terms how we want something to unfold. But rarely do we allow that image to play out repeatedly in our minds while we stare at the television, or off in the distance.
Somewhere along the line we created a truth for ourselves, one that hasn’t served us, but one that we’ve accepted just the same. We do this when it comes to our belief regarding our appearance, self-worth and matters of the heart. I’ve done this. I’ve certainly done this with men. As much as I feel a wonderful partner would be pleasing, and has the potential to infuse my life with happiness, I question if men are all the same. If I do find myself enjoying the moment, I find myself also waiting for the other shoe to drop. Often it does.
How tragic, if due to my assumptions of the future, I was creating the future. Where I thought I was protecting myself from a certain reality, I was actually setting myself up for it instead. If I believe no one will buy my books, am I creating that outcome? I can’t say I know for certain either way. One never does. These are all unknown truths that hover in our lives without data proving them unequivocally true or not true.
Within my core though, I feel it to be true, and that feeling is the only data I need. When looking ahead, create wisely. See yourself getting the job, not being the one who’s looked-over. See yourself winning, not losing. See climbing the mountain and reaching the summit, not falling clumsily off the side. And most of all, see yourself getting your heart’s desire, whatever that may be, because there’s a very good possibility that those movies within one’s mind are not benign fictional images, but are blueprints. The human body is the stuff of the universe: oxygen, hydrogen, carbon and so forth. It makes sense then, that the working’s of the mind are no exception. So be kind to yourself when forecasting your future.
In the background Foo Fighters – Times Like These (Acoustic)