Chemistry is a magical component, an organic, ethereal, emotional stirring. Not to be confused with familiarity, which can harvest similar feelings. Familiarity will always accompany a union that has chemistry. But sadly, familiarity has no power to summon chemistry. I wish it did.
I have felt chemistry toward a man who is my friend, all the while feeling none for my date. A dreadful reality that no amount of wine can rectify. Trust me, I’ve tried. As we age, especially women, rarely do we want to explore the realms of physical intimacy unless the exploration will produce the appropriate, well anticipated, breathtaking, muscle pulsating response. Faking such a response simply because we are tired of the movements, is always a last resort. With that said, there are no unrealistic expectations in this regard. Sometimes good lovers arrive with momentum; time is needed. Their passion, like good wine, needs to breathe.
But do know this, sex is just as important to a woman as it is to a man. We may approach it from different directions, but we want very much to arrive at the same destination. And once there we also want to light the proverbial cigarette, taking a long drag, with an equally long exhale afterwards. And when that doesn’t happen, we lay awake all night wondering if we should give it another try or run like hell.
There is no toy, or trick that can simulate the profound power of sexual chemistry. Some people, without even meaning to, possess it regardless of being attracted to anyone. It is part of their essence. It is who they are. For others it is only released like the gentle smoke from a genie’s bottle. Often, my words stir the sensuality in others, and this often leads to a good deal of curiosity as to me as a lover. If I had a dime for every man who wanted to taste my wine, I would be a very wealthy woman. Not because I am breathtaking in appearance, but because the curiosity gets the best of them. It is true, I am an intensely passionate woman; evidenced by my writing, my style and the thoughts I release. And yet, my passion is like that of wine in a bottle waiting for the right hands to tip it gently into the glass where it can come to life. Those are rare hands.
I do not regret the times when I too step out in curiosity. Life is to be experienced; touched, tasted and savored. This can not happen unless we grab on to something, even if for a brief moment, and pull it close. And when we do, we decide to keep it or place it back down. Generally speaking, my inner being speaks forcefully on the subject – recently, keeping me up throughout the night as it repeated its mantra of deflated analysis. Sometimes we grab something solely because the actions of which force us to let go of something else. In an effort to push someone out of our life, we do so by placing our hands on another. Even though we know, and our inner being confirms, our hands won’t be there for long.
My hands are free at the moment. I’ve sampled. I’ve put back. And after a sleepless night, I reached back out to the one that I tried to push away. The mind may attempt to force upon us a certain person, place or thing. Yet the inner being, if not smothered, will remind us that life it to be felt deeper. Rarely is the mind and body alone able to bring about the true depth and wonderfulness that is to be experienced. We need all three. Just as chemistry is the force that opens the floodgates of sensuality between lovers, it is also the force that brings all things to life. It is the stuff that propels us, just as it propels that which is in the galaxies and the tide to move seemingly of its own accord. When we are on the right road, the chemistry swirls beneath our feet, behind our eyes and within the words we speak. And quite frankly, I see no reason to be on any other road.
Written to: The Heavy – What Makes a Good Man