Within all of us is a moment suspended in time. Please know the time of its suspension may be that of only a month, a few years or decades. Just the same, the moment defined us. And when reflected upon, instantly pressure is formed behind the eyes – whether we choose to release the forceful tear or not.
For me, that time and that tear, has been suspended for nearly forty years. Behind every strong person, I have to believe, rests such a tear. I am quite fearless. And yet, I’ve had to look hard at why it is I have this strength. On what is it formed, and why. My power is formed due to feeling quite powerless as a child.
Every child is born pure, open and ready to become what they intended. From there, the journey begins. Life unfolds in its singular way. Specific, and designed for each individual. Mine, robbed me of all feelings of empowerment. Powerlessness has an odd way of doing that to certain people. Once the seed is planted in what is the fertile ground of youth – it grows. This, in part, is why I work to help empower kids. Doing so is in part, why I am here.
However, to move on to the next level in my life, I must view my strength and the foundation on which it was built. Vowing to never again feel the deep, ripping talons of vulnerability and dis-empowerment may sound like the perfect catalyst. And yet, I can assure you, it is not. Because behind my impervious wall, rests that tear of which I mentioned earlier. Albeit quite hidden from anyone’s knowing or view. So much so, even I had to search to find its origin.
Even within these deeper truths, as painful as they may be, rests a certain poignant beauty. Without this knowledge, this knowing of who I am and why, I would not be of any service to anyone. But it is time I let it go. Retaining the knowledge; releasing the tear. I need to swap out the pain, if ever I am to allow all-encompassing peace.
I am a fully confident, accomplished woman, and yet I live with pain that should’ve ended decades ago. Not only did I know this, but it was recently brought to my attention, that this release is a must before I advance. As my journey is about movement, I must jettison the suspended pain. Often we only recognize that which we see. My job is to look deep; within you, and within me.
With all of my being I believe life presents us with circumstances necessary for our development. Some are pleasant, many are painful. Regardless, we are given what we need to advance. From there, it is up to us to do with it what we wish.
Right here, right now, I know that I have to step aside if ever I am to allow the larger part of myself to step in. I have to relinquish a bit of my power, to become fully empowered. This requires deep faith. But I need peace. So, I will pull myself up toward the next cliff of enlightenment, knowing that with each reach I have to further let go. Those tears from my past, the powerlessness thrust upon me early on, indeed served me well. It allowed me to see that my personal strength is great. I can stand before many. I can wrestle most any dragon presented before me. I have nothing left to prove to anyone. But now its time. I need to feel the divine power found upon letting go of my safety blanket of imperviousness. The next chapter of my life isn’t about such things. All of that is done and has been established. Now, I need to shine the spotlight onto the small child within me. Tell her that all is well. And with that bright light dear reader, should it happen to scan across what pains you, know that you are never alone. That tear that rises when no one is looking, or the one you hold back when in the company of others – let it go. Its time is done. It is like that of a textbook from your youth. Your lessons have been learned. Let it go.