It is my belief that there are three reasons for which certain things come our way: To heal something within us; to create something anew; to experience something, large or small. Sometimes going in, we already know which of the three it is.
There is a type of love that is near fatal. I lived within that type of love once. Instantly, it was known between both that the moment had been conjured in the cosmos. Every kiss was felt on a molecular level. Few words needed uttering. But the ones that were, held a tangible quality as if pen had met parchment. And once the love was broken, fatality did ensue. As I’m writing this, you know it wasn’t me that stopped breathing. With sadness, I reflect upon the loss. But not as often as you might think. I had to let go, you see. Doing so was a must. If I was ever to love again.
I have to imagine within that love, I was meant to feel all three purposes. I experienced a love that made my soul swim. Its aftermath required of me an enormous amount of healing. From which, I created knowledge of what love can be. Although my benchmark is now quite high, it matches that of the passion that lives within me. And within my novel, I allowed that love to come to life again.
I have to wonder about having it again within the world that shapes my reality. Not the one of fiction. Due to one experience, I now know what I want. And as I set out walking this long road that is mine, I do so with an acute awareness that I will settle for no less than a love that feels poignant, beautiful and fatal in its desire.
But such a love is vulnerable, in many ways. It takes profound strength to swim in those deep waters. Splashing in the water is fun, but when I want to swim, I want to swim deep. I can’t imagine doing otherwise.
There are many who do not feel this way. They want someone who’s sole reason is to be there. The love they want to feel is different from mine. Different journeys. Different desires. One is not better than the other. What is important is that we find a swimming partner that swims where we swim.
Looking over life, one can compartmentalized the situations that have come their way. Identifying the moments meant to heal; meant to create, and one’s sent solely so we can experience something in its fullest form. But when it comes to love, at least for me, it must contain all three.
Of course, there is no right or wrong when it comes to such a thing. The human journey is so terribly unique. Only we know what we want. And only we should decide what we want. I say search until you find it.
For me, however, I will never settle for less than a kiss that pulsates with electricity. A heartfelt glance that dances with palpable, yet invisible energy. And chemistry that swirls merely because our bodies are near. This may seem lofty to some. Unnecessary to many. But again, I will say, such a thing is divine. It’s presence lingers long after the last word is spoken. And from onset, it’s apparent that this union contains the gravitational pull of the heavens.
And if I had that once, I intend to have it again. So here I stand, on the water’s edge.
Listening to Tegan and Sara – Closer