Love. I have to believe this is one of the most misunderstood, adulterated and violated words, if not feelings, amongst the mixed bag known as: Human emotions.
We use this word blindly. We use this word with intent. We want to receive it. We want to feel it. Like the word hate, it is doled about with wild abandoned. But not so common is it found or displayed in its purest form. Possible. But not common.
I remember the wrist bands that asked: What Would Jesus Do? Shortly after the affair I was having with a man ended, he began wearing one of those wrist bands. I found it ironic. To say the least. Of course, that was a long time ago. But, I still find it ironic. Apparently he needed this visual reminder when it came to honoring his marriage vows. If it takes a reminder to remain faithful, then the love, if it was ever there to begin with, has long since gone.
Love doesn’t require a reminder. It is faithful. It is selfless. It is kind. It is the embodiment of beauty. It is like that of the most breathtaking sunset that gives of itself its many colors to enhance the hearts of those absorbing its grandeur. It is like that of the one that gives their last dollar to another without the promise the money will be used wisely. It is forgiveness. It is the very energy that rules the planets and yet it is painfully difficult for humans to embrace, in its full form. To do so requires of us a certain level of vulnerability and trust.
It is hard to love something we see as loathsome. Most of all, ourselves. We judge with a thoughtless gavel and yet we do so only to detract from the judgement we rule upon ourselves. Even as I sit here, having come full circle within myself. Coming from a place of non acceptance to a place of full embrace, I find it a bit unsettling the thought of allowing someone to enter my heart. Allowing someone within the castle gates. Will they love all these many things that I have come to love. There are those who would scoff at such a concern; considering themselves beyond such human foibles. But I can assure you, there are more out there who resonate with my words right now than those who do not. I speak for those who have one foot in this world and one foot beyond. I am not an angel. I am not a God. I am a woman who has walked a long path. But it was the path that allowed me to see myself for who I am. Through such I found true appreciation for my voice, my mind and my inner spirit. I would not trade one painful step I’ve taken. I hope I always remain in that place of understanding. To think I am beyond, would only serve to remind me that I have fallen from my empathetic and sympathetic place of connection. And what am I, if I can not be a shoulder for those who wonder about their own strength, value and purpose. If living in this mixed place allows me to be of service, then this place I will remain. It is where I am meant to be. My novels reflect that. As do my words. They hum with the energy of a compassionate soul. I am exactly where I need to be. A teacher, a writer, one who assists another can only do so by remaining acutely aware of that for which they are teaching.
If I were asked how one knows if they should unite with another; if their heart is providing urges of love that should be heeded, or merely the whims of fanciful lust. I would say: Be with whomever you choose. Enjoy them. Express yourself in the moment that is given. But when it comes to unity, when it comes to lowering one’s castle gates, choose the one with whom you can not live without. Not the one whom you can merely live with.
Be bold with love; the love you give others; most of all the love you give yourself.