I hadn’t planned on writing this evening. But sitting here right now, it’s the only thing I can think to do. It’s the only thing that feels right. Then again, writing is like breathing to me. It’s the time when the horses within me get a chance to run free across the meadows of my mind.
I wish I could warn you in advance as to what I’m about to write. Except, I have no idea what that is. I rarely ever do. Like always my fingers sit poised atop the keyboard, and then they move. And with that my mind opens. And hopefully when all is said and done, I’ve touched your soul and lightened mine.
I’ve had so many thoughts on my mind lately I noticed I’ve taken to crawling into my shell of introspection. Of course while there, I’m not the only one about which I think. I think about everything and everyone. But also, while there I’ve noticed the certain flavor of angst sweep across my taste buds; the one needed to return to my third novel. Within almost every emotion I have, those ranging from the darkest to the lightest, there is a flavor. Like a spice, they have a purpose. Some are used sparingly; when not my life becomes overwhelming. But then there are those emotions that are so pleasant I only wish I could taste them daily.
I sat in a small Catholic church the other day. While sitting there I prayed. I prayed about the person sitting next to me. And I prayed about my life. Then I began to look around. I noticed how some were listening, some were busy passing the time. I had to wonder of those whose faces were pointed forward, what were they thinking. Were they off in their own meditative state, or absorbing the words being spoken. Afterward, if there had been a pop quiz, I wonder how everyone would have fared. If you were wondering, I was doing both. But I wasn’t there for that, I was there out of an expression of love for my friend. I wasn’t there for the sermon. In fact, I tend to physically feel the confines put on God when I enter a church. But I appreciate the moment for what it represents for all those gathered there. I can find no fault in the ways of others when it comes to trying to commune with a higher power.
So on this Valentine’s night, feeling a bit unsettled inside as I am, I will recline and listen to my favorite music. I will continue to drink this surprisingly good Malbec, and commune with my higher power. I will give voice to all that is on my heart and mind. And if left unconfined, a soft voice will answer. That is the gift I will give to myself tonight. It’s important to be surrounded by those that you love and love you on a day that celebrates love.
I do hope you’ve had a very pleasing day. If you are the kind that eschews such holidays as this, then no worries, it’s almost over. If you are the kind that is heartbroken due to being alone, then take comfort, it’s almost over. And if you are looking into the eyes of a beautiful friend or your life’s love, then dear sweet reader, savor every minute because it’s almost over.