Looking Back

The other day I was asked my thoughts concerning that which is considered evil, and that place some call hell. These questions arrive early during one’s spiritual journey. How one answers, determines where their next steps will go. It’s my belief that no direction, is the wrong direction. Sometimes we need to take the scenic route.

The hell in which I believe does not wait for us upon our death, it waits for us while living. There is no doubt in my mind that depression is a closed-quarters form of hell; its walls being that of the mind. Hell lives within the emotions of insecurity, doubt and fear. Hell is telling yourself you can’t, when everything within you knows you can. Hell is standing still when the energy within wants only to go. Hell is seen in the delusional eye of another; vile words spoken by a parent to their child. Hell is looking back upon one’s life only to discover they never found the courage to step out upon the thin branch of their dreams. Hell is never speaking one’s truth, and discovering one’s worth. To me, hell is a state of mind.

After having expressed my belief in the presence of evil, I was then asked if deeming something as such was the act of judgement. One can observe without judging. Looking, but not concluding. Some of the most evil actions taken against me, have propelled me to my greatest spiritual heights. I can not render those moments as bad, but I can observe that they were guided by evil intent, and nothing about them felt good at the time. But they weren’t meant to feel good. Sometimes the only way in which we’ll move is by feeling discomfort. It is my belief if God is love, evil is the essence of the action once the love has been removed. I have blessed and given thanks for many of the evil moments I’ve been made to face. Without them, I would not be the person I am today. By so keenly experiencing evil, I so intimately know love. But it was a choice, to view it this way.

We never know our strength if not made to use it. We never discover our courage if not faced to choose between faith and fear. We never know true love if never having first experienced false love. And we never discover our calling without being forced to stop and listen.

There is a dynamic energy that circles around us and within us. Some see it. Some do not. Some look at the world as simply black and white. Good and bad. And those things that are bad are from a pitched-forked source; the good from the heavens above. If I looked at life this way, I would be denying the opportunities given me, albeit housed within heartache. And due to many of those opportunities I’ve been allowed to experience heaven. I’ve breathed deep the air while standing on the thin branch of my dreams. I’ve sat nestled between my children in a home no longer containing anger, infidelity or hate. I’ve looked within the eye of someone possessing true love. I’ve listen to the music made by the laughter of friends.  I’ve witnessed the look in a child’s eye when they know they are unconditionally loved. I’ve sat in silence, fully accepting who I am. Surely these moments are heaven. Although I may not have recognized them as such, had I not first been exposed to hell.

But more importantly than the question, is my belief that we should release the gavel. Because often what we condemn in the moment, is recognized as Providence upon looking back.

Sane

 

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8 thoughts on “Looking Back

  1. words4jp

    oh my. i love reading your thoughts – written thought, that is. this piece has so much value – thank you, thank you for writing it.
    you are a wise soul:)

    Reply
  2. lucebuona

    “We never know our strength if not made to use it. We never discover our courage if not faced to choose between faith and fear. We never know true love if never having first experienced false love. And we never discover our calling without being forced to stop and listen.”
    This paragraph is pure gold!
    The beauty of live lies within it’s contrasts, since we wouldn’t know the positive without the negative.
    And like you said, it’s just a matter of taking some time to look back and appreciate it all.

    Reply

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