I took a long ride today, and thought about what it means to love another. What it is we give. What it is we hope to receive. It is within this very delicate dichotomy that I believe most unions fail. Things aren’t in alignment. Above and beyond all things, one must be in alignment; with themselves, with what surrounds them and with their partner.
There are few things worse than living with someone with whom you do not share the tender synchronicity of pure love. As loving unions go, finding a soul with whom your heart synchronizes is much like that of finding the Holy Grail. I don’t think anyone stands a chance of such a discovery unless they’ve first found it within themselves. It’s impossible to give to another what one has yet to discover and experience within themselves. One can’t give directions if the destination is unknown. One can’t give love if they don’t yet know what love is.
A friend said to me this morning that her husband wasn’t the romantic type. And yet she is. I thought about her statement afterward. It made me sad. With all the many nuances inherent to a relationship, I know I won’t proceed unless I have synchronicity. I do not want my mirror image. I want my perfect fit. How I romance my partner may very well be different from how he romances me. And yet, romance will be ever-present. I don’t want to be in a relationship if it means having to go without things I hold dear. No, I want a partner that knows these things about me, and me about him. And in our own special way, we delight in bringing a smile to the other.
I only want a union with another if it will enhance my life emotionally. I want to give love unconditionally, all the while knowing the same is being given to me. It’s this gentle give and take that’s so necessary. Like two people in a canoe, each with their own special task, but when done in unison the canoe moves with ease. Both important. Each giving to the other; each giving to the greater good of the relationship and back to themselves through the beautiful act of loving another. An exquisite circle of love. But it must be balanced and equal for it to flow. When not, things begin to spin.
There will always be trade-offs, of course. Such is true with life, such is true with relationships, such is true with all things. But I rather believe when with a partner, one should never give when they are only left with emotionally empty hands. We hand off our heart, our attention, our love and should get the same in return. If not, what is the point. My mission through writing is an act of total giving. Rare is anything given in return. But one’s life partner has a two-fold calling and purpose; to give; to receive. And when both do this to the fullest, the love is over-flowing. I heard an elderly man, who was quite ill, say that he wanted to be healed not to feel better, not to be relieved from the pain of his illness. He wanted to be healed only to have more time with his wife. I cried. The beauty in his statement touched me deeply.
To those who have this, I want to remind you to hold it dear. It is one of the greater gifts given from the Universe. It has the power to make all things better. It has the power to make you smile through your deepest tears. It has the power to make your heart expand to the point of breaking. And to those who have yet to experience such a love, I beg you not to settle for anything less, and most of all, do not give up. It is there. True it is rare; that’s how you know its value is substantial. And to those that think they might be holding within their hands the very orchid of their dreams, my words are to treat it well. It is unique and quite hard to find. Give to it your love, attention and care and you will always be left with hands full of the same.