Monthly Archives: April 2013

First Steps

First Steps

Today is a monumental day for me. Not that it looks different to those passing by. But today, I’ve been given clearance to cut the last cord to a past I’ve outgrown. Some strings cut easily, some with pain. This one is a mixture of both.

And yet I know this painful process is the birthing of my future. However we phrase it, whether beginning a new chapter, cutting the ties that bind or unshackling ourselves, it all translates the same: We must let go of the old, if ever to experience the new. Although on a spiritual level I bid my past goodbye years ago, we live in a physical world that demands contracts, formalities and other earthly obligations. Today, I was given the key that unlocks them all.

Its been a painstakingly arduous four and a half year journey towards obtaining this key. I should be rejoicing and yet, I’m not. Not yet. I will. Even though I know this key, in many ways, sets me free, it’s a peculiar thing when one is finally allowed to fly from the cage. The human mind can find comfort in the familiarity of even the most uncomfortable of places.

The truth of life however, is that for us to experience anything new we must step into uncharted territory. It’s a must. If we’ve already been there then it is known, not new. I feel that it is due to this that many of us refrain from letting go of the old; the old we know, the new we do not. It’s exhilarating and yet unsettling heading into the unknown, because we can’t quite see what lies ahead. It’s also difficult to let go of those things that pained us. If we let go of anger, we fear it means we approve of the actions taken against us. If we let go of the hurt and disappointment, we fear it means we don’t deserve better. And if we let go of even the cage that is two times too small, we fear we’ll never again feel at home. But fear should never be what determines our fate. And we would be wise to see fear for what it is; the ego’s attempt to hold us in place. Don’t damn the fear. Acknowledge it. Use it as a gauge; the gauge that reveals you’ve outgrown your surroundings. Growth can only be found by extending ourselves beyond what is. Without extension we can’t grow.

Tonight I plan to sit with a friend, and over a nice full-bodied bottle of red, I will look back fondly on my equally full-bodied past. But I will also look toward the future with a faith-filled, tender eye. This is the beginning of the last half of my life. So whether for the first time you are stepping onto the stage before watchful eyes, or looking into the eyes of a new love; whether you are walking through the doors of a new career, or turning the page of what is the next chapter of your life – don’t fear. It’s where you need to be. With that truth as our guide, let’s pack our bag and step happily and confidently forward. And when we do, may we free our hands from the old, and embrace the new.

Sane

Reach the Sky and Dream

Bristol Circus

Bristol Circus

As I sit here tonight with my wine glass less full than it was before, and my mind settling into a serene rhythm, I’m allowing myself to dream. Everything that is once started as a dream. They are more than the blueprints of future realities, they are fresh air to the soul. So I say, dream the untethered dream.

Even within the quiet spaces of our mind, the place where no other eyes can see, we feel obligated to honor our physical reality. As if God will condemn us if we step away from the life we normally live. But God sees not just the life we live with mechanical movements, this omniscient force sees even the dreams we dare to dream.

For a dream to form within our mind, the thinking place that uses logic, knowledge and past experiences as its guide, it was first formed in a deeper place; the place that knows no bounds; the place that whispers softly all we dare not say. It is the place within us that flies with wings stretched wide. Only when those same desires enter our mind do we fly into the cage of our own making; tying our dream down with tethered limitations. Fear has no place within one’s dreaming mind. So I say, leave fear and guilt behind.

No one can see inside your mind. So when you find yourself slowly beginning to smile with a newly emerging dream of wild delight, allow it to stretch beyond the familiarity. Take down the walls that normal keep you tightly confined. Be all that you want to be; for a moment cut the chord, and dream.

At first this may feel like a guilty pleasure. Especially when one’s life lies in contrast to the dream. Even dreams that start out exaggerated hold a morsel of newly born reality. It all starts with a dream. Sometimes the dream rests in bright contrast to the life we are living. Don’t damn the contrast of what is. Just know the dream is the first step toward shaping what’s to become. This is the way of life. The contrast is not evidence of failure, it’s knowledge that needed to be experienced. Don’t tie down the dream. Once you do, it ceases to be a dream.

Close your eyes or fixate blindly upon one point and see the life you want to see. Go there. Be there. Feel that place as if it were real. Sometimes this means recognizing we are standing on the precipice of major change. Sometimes this means we are two moves away from stepping into the dream formed years prior. Either way, there is a reason why we can dream. It is how we evolve as spiritual beings. So tonight let us all dream with wild abandon. Let us dream boldly. Let us fly up into the far reaches of our imagination and dream the untethered dream.

Sane

 

 

 

 

And Now You Know

The Rich Life

The Rich Life

While talking with someone earlier it became clear that its hard for others to envision what life is like as a career writer. My world is almost entirely cerebral. I am a sponge and a translator of emotional stimuli.

Writers rarely, if ever, leave their job. Often their best work goes unnoticed, while some of their worst receives attention. Where others receive a paycheck for services rendered, a writer lives on the roller coaster of never knowing if and when they’ll see another deposit into their bank account.

Many is the day when frustration reigns supreme. Its easy then to wonder why a writer chooses such a path. All I can say is, when one is a writer, it’s like being born a horse that knows it’s meant to run. When standing still it looks into the distance and dreams of running. When running it dreams of running. Everything about its existence is about running.

When a writer is hired out to write for another its one of the hardest jobs imaginable. To write without using one’s writing voice is like Ella Fitzgerald trying to mask her timbre while singing. It has the potential to be absolutely excruciating. And yet this is how many ensure the in-flow of money.

I too had the romantic notion that a writer spends their days sitting in peaceful contemplation. But the reality is that once one is a career writer, their every thought carries a price tag. The rule in the business is that the first line sells the book. In many ways, this is true. So then please know that the first line has the potential to be worth a year’s salary. But thoughts such as that snuff the voice of the muse. It’s a constant reality we must ignore. When we acknowledge that our livelihood rests upon our words, the words fail to dust across our mind. In many ways its like living in constant torment. But the horse was meant to run, and so it runs even when the whip hits hard.

It’s a blissful thought, setting out to do a task, one completed based only with action and skill. But when creativity is the force that completes the task, the mind must be open. Due to such many writers hide away from the weight of the world. If I knew then what I know now about life as a career writer, I would’ve bought stock in a few wineries. Because even when I’m not imbibing to clear my mind, I know there are plenty of writers who are. It’s the nature of the beast. It’s what life is like when one is perched dead center between yin and yang; the hand of the writer needs to touch both. Because when writing an adult novel, the full spectrum of human emotion must be instantly within reach.

Rarely in today’s world though, is anyone allowed to simply shut off their working mind. So we all have this in common now. But even with shoulders that often scream with tightness and the deathly suffocation felt when watching one’s muse vanish in the distance, I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Within me is the portal to all things. More than that, within me is the portal into all the people I could hope to be, meet and know. Any life I want to live can be played out upon my keyboard. And when I do it just right, I touch the lives of my readers. My words, softly float into the minds of strangers as they lie in bed at night. And some of those thousand dollar sentences make them look at life and love in a whole new way. The day I no longer write is the day I stop running. It’s an overpowering cerebral world that of a career writer, but the horse was meant to run. So it runs. And the writer was meant to write. So she writes.

Sane

PS ~ There will be times when I mention my BlogTalkTadio show, such as today. As last night’s episode may be useful for to some of my readers. Although all questions within the publishing field were not addressed, Nicholas Ellison answered all that he could. If you are a writer, I encourage you to listen. It’s not an easy path we’ve chosen. But, in my opinion, its one that allows us life’s best view. Enjoy and much love ~ S. Nicholas Ellison on The Rich Life

Go Ahead, Change

If you are content with your life as is, remain the same. If you are not, change.

As we head into the weekend I want to do so with this thought being the wind that pushes our sails: For your life to change, you must change. Even if unrecognizable to us at first, life mirrors back to us our beliefs, our deepest feelings and our actions. Sometimes we hold steadfast to the plan that once life changes we will do the same. We keep ourselves caught in the action of waiting. So life allows for us to wait.

If within your very being you are waiting for major change to fall at your feet. Then you are tapping into the source that is first waiting upon you. The energy that you are waiting upon, needs your direction. This energy of life takes many of it cues from you. It only knows to move toward you those things that match your deepest beliefs, judgements and thoughts. So change those things and the universe will do the same.

We can not believe we are un-lovable and hope to one day be loved in full. We can not believe ourselves to be poor and hope great riches will infiltrate our life. We can not experience happiness when we are not first happy from within. If you believe the life you want is impossible, then impossible it must remain. Change this belief within yourself. Know that all is possible to the extent that you believe it to be so. It takes only a second after having changed that core belief for a miracle to find its way to you. Don’t hold rigid to the how, when and where of it. Just allow it.

Do not confuse this ability with creating a lifetime bed of roses. If your journey consists of a bed of roses then there is something for you to learn there and due to such you will often find yourself resting amongst the petals. Often though, fate and our soul mission requires different circumstances to come our way, many of which are not so pleasant. But you can always control how you feel when in the trenches of these sometimes gut wrenching opportunities. You can either know that you are working through something of great spiritual significance or you can see yourself as the object of misfortune. Change how you view these things and these things will begin to change. In time you will move through them better, stronger and quicker.

So I will leave us on this note: If you do not like your life, be bold and change those things you can; starting with you. If you deeply believe yourself to be powerless, know that moments proving you true will find you. See yourself as empowered. Then take action in ways that give you evidence of this. Carve out for yourself any area in which you can reclaim your power. Do not overlook the little things. Often it is the little things that make us feel the best inside. And inside is where change must happen first. It is the key that turns the motor; it is the wind that pushes the sails; it is your place of power. So go ahead, change.

Sane

Black Beauty

A young girl I know is in the midst of a moment she will remember for the rest of her life; her first heartbreak. It’s a point in time that quite easily can become one of the pillars on which all other relationships rest. It is the first point in which we question our beauty and our worth.

When young, we place these decisions upon others to make. It isn’t until older that we realize the one to decide our beauty and our worth – is us. Of course, there are those who live their final day still allowing others to craft the definition that should be theirs to make. Nothing feels worse than feeling as if one is not good enough. It cuts into the core of our being. It bucks against our heart and causes a pain like no other.

There is a reason why it hurts the way it does; the conclusion we’re making about ourself, brought on by someone else’s actions, lies in harsh contrast to what our soul knows. That is why when made to feel like anything less than who we are, the pain is great; the eyes water; the heart twists.  It is one of the deepest lies we accept as true.

Please know that something quite similar is why being in love feels so sublime. Our inner being sees our beauty, our value and wants only for our critical mind to see the same. When in love, we more easily allow such a belief, and we lighten up on ourselves. Their love for us overrules the judgmental beliefs we have about ourself. As long as they love us, we believe ourselves to be lovable. That is a verdict and a power that should never be handed over to another.

People come and go. But we remain. So honor yourself by being the one to define your worth. Look inward and see your beauty. And when you spot something you feel unattractive, remember that it is you who is making that decision. Decide something different. See the beauty in those things you define as flaws. Those things we label as flaws are often what set us apart. The most valuable things in life are those that have singular irregularities. The human frame and psyche are no different. It took forty years for me to see my deeply introspective side as possessing any beauty. I saw it as only a dark shadow that followed me wherever I went. I became close friends with my darker side but never wanted it exposed as I felt no one would find joy in such deep observations. My soul had different plans however, and one day all that was within me erupted onto the page. That was the day I became a career writer. That was the day I began to live my life fully exposed. And that was the day I learned to love the person that I am.

It is up to us to decide the definition of beauty. We do not all agree upon it in the external world and yet feel no shame in holding to our opinions when it comes to those things toward which we point outward. Do the same when pointing inward. Hold true to your belief in your beauty. Those things that haunt you will only do so if continued to be smothered. Bring your darkness into the light. And if you look in the mirror and wish you looked like another, take a second look. See the color that rests in your eyes. Those colors are like gems buffed and crushed by the universe and placed in your eyes; through which you get to view the world. See the person that has faithfully accompanied you as you’ve walked the many miles of your life. This person loves you. Look back upon them and do the same. Then you will have defined your beauty.

Sane

Free Your Soul

FreeMySoul

If in this moment you find yourself doubting, or suffocating under the weight of the world – don’t be afraid – shift your focus. Be gentle with your shift. But shift you must. Move your mind, your body, your soul.

There are times when I have to pull away from the world around me. A moment like that arrived today. As if powered less by my mind and more by the energy within me, I stood in the sun and closed my eyes. When my center is lost, it can always be found when I place myself back under the sun.

We all have something that resets our compass, balances our equilibrium, and helps us to once again realign. There too will always be those things that jar us, or push us off course. Try not to hush the voice of your knowing in lieu of obeying this louder voice of fear. Often in life it is the softer voices that speak the truth; those using volume do so to camouflage the emptiness of their words. And I can assure you empty volume is one of the speech patterns of fear. Remember this the next time you find yourself afraid. It takes a trained ear to hear this soft voice, but if you have one lesson in life worth learning it is that of learning to listen – as all you need to know, ultimately, will be whispered to you from within.

Do not think that all things need be quiet to hear one’s inner voice. It’s not so. Fear is the cupped hand over your ears. Your ability is always with you, only muffled. Remove the hands. Once freed, you will hear even when standing amidst chaos. Freedom is the one thing for which we all long. And the greatest challenge in life is making it our own.

Your very being is free; ever-moving, ever evolving. Fear is constrained; a confined energy. So release yourself. There are fewer energies freer than music. So if you have found yourself completely out of touch with freedom, dance. Energy always seeks like energy. As the energy of music freely moves in the air, the body is compelled to move with it. Your body seeks freedom. Give it a moment untethered by fear; untethered by the stress of life.

Whether the melodic sound of rain falling to the ground, or music filling my home, I tend to surround myself with the energy of life. It is my medicine. Often, it is my religion. It is what soothes me. It is what inspires me. And without fail, it is that magnetic force that helps me find my true North. Without it, I’m lost. If today you find yourself afraid, if the world around you has left you feeling powerless – adjust your energy, shift your focus. If you can’t envision something that allows your breath to flow free, then surround yourself with freedom and allow it to cascade over you. Whatever it may be, make sure to listen to the music that frees your soul.

Sane

Thank you to everyone who listened to the first episode of The Rich Life. I was stunned by the number of listeners. I haven’t a clue how I came to be so blessed to have such a wonderful audience. But you can be sure I plan to keep you.

You are Life

Within every cell of your body is energy. Formless energy. The energy of the universe is within you. God is the universe. God is within you. You must love yourself if ever you want the energy of life to flow positively in your direction. Positive to positive. And if you think miracles are a fanciful notion – you are a miracle. The first miracle in your journey begins with you.

Our mind is an energy center. We have energy centers throughout our body. They’re either open and flowing, or narrow and constricted. If you question what I’m saying, close your eyes, and repeat slowly after me: Life is good to me. I love life. Life loves me.

At the moment, depending upon the life that sits before you, and the opinions you’ve engrained within your psyche, these words may seem outlandish. Remain quiet, don’t work to prove the validity of the words; just repeat them. Something within you will shift ever so slightly – this is the beginning.

These words contain soft energy. Depending upon how tight and hard-set your ingrained belief system, over time this soft energy will open and release the portal within. Positive to positive; the energy now flows. In time you become an allowing portal. Hardened commandments, steely determination and fist-shaking willpower are all fear-based energies. Although they can still wiggle through and bring about change, they will never impact your life in the same powerful way as the soft energies of love, acceptance and belief. You have not once had to command your heart to beat, and yet it does. The miracle that began with you, did not end upon your birth. It began upon your birth, and each day thereafter. Even when you are convinced you have no value, the energy of All That Is says differently, and ensures that you take another inhalation. When in doubt, when you are fooled into the belief that you are powerless. Remember the miraculous power of your very existence. You can be removed from this planet in a heart beat. Proof positive of your purpose, and the universe working with you, is the fact that you are here. Go with that. Release yourself into that. Your heart beats, your eyes blink, you exhale. You are the energy of the universe. You are God in action.

Your thoughts are seeds. Your energy is the sun. Sometimes seeds are planted into hardened ground. The seed will grow, but not so easily. So soften your ground. Give the seed time to grow. Doubt is a forceful heel that pushes the seed deeper into the soil. So lighten your steps. If the universe had the ability to deliver unto this earth you, it has the ability to deliver the rest. But it requires of you to be open, and it requires of you to believe. You can not predict when the blossom will arrive. You are merely required to believe that it will.

So say to yourself today: I am worthy. I know this because I am here. I am love. I know this because I am here. I have purpose. I am success. I am life. I know this because I am here. I wouldn’t be here otherwise. This, my friend, softens the ground. Now plant good seeds. Smile when you look within. Love God. Love Life. Love You. They are all one.

Sane