A young girl I know is in the midst of a moment she will remember for the rest of her life; her first heartbreak. It’s a point in time that quite easily can become one of the pillars on which all other relationships rest. It is the first point in which we question our beauty and our worth.
When young, we place these decisions upon others to make. It isn’t until older that we realize the one to decide our beauty and our worth – is us. Of course, there are those who live their final day still allowing others to craft the definition that should be theirs to make. Nothing feels worse than feeling as if one is not good enough. It cuts into the core of our being. It bucks against our heart and causes a pain like no other.
There is a reason why it hurts the way it does; the conclusion we’re making about ourself, brought on by someone else’s actions, lies in harsh contrast to what our soul knows. That is why when made to feel like anything less than who we are, the pain is great; the eyes water; the heart twists. It is one of the deepest lies we accept as true.
Please know that something quite similar is why being in love feels so sublime. Our inner being sees our beauty, our value and wants only for our critical mind to see the same. When in love, we more easily allow such a belief, and we lighten up on ourselves. Their love for us overrules the judgmental beliefs we have about ourself. As long as they love us, we believe ourselves to be lovable. That is a verdict and a power that should never be handed over to another.
People come and go. But we remain. So honor yourself by being the one to define your worth. Look inward and see your beauty. And when you spot something you feel unattractive, remember that it is you who is making that decision. Decide something different. See the beauty in those things you define as flaws. Those things we label as flaws are often what set us apart. The most valuable things in life are those that have singular irregularities. The human frame and psyche are no different. It took forty years for me to see my deeply introspective side as possessing any beauty. I saw it as only a dark shadow that followed me wherever I went. I became close friends with my darker side but never wanted it exposed as I felt no one would find joy in such deep observations. My soul had different plans however, and one day all that was within me erupted onto the page. That was the day I became a career writer. That was the day I began to live my life fully exposed. And that was the day I learned to love the person that I am.
It is up to us to decide the definition of beauty. We do not all agree upon it in the external world and yet feel no shame in holding to our opinions when it comes to those things toward which we point outward. Do the same when pointing inward. Hold true to your belief in your beauty. Those things that haunt you will only do so if continued to be smothered. Bring your darkness into the light. And if you look in the mirror and wish you looked like another, take a second look. See the color that rests in your eyes. Those colors are like gems buffed and crushed by the universe and placed in your eyes; through which you get to view the world. See the person that has faithfully accompanied you as you’ve walked the many miles of your life. This person loves you. Look back upon them and do the same. Then you will have defined your beauty.