Monthly Archives: June 2013

What Lies Ahead

Over the last four years, from this house, I’ve written two and a half novels, three children’s chapter books, twenty-three children stories and 384 blog posts. It’ll be odd writing from any other location. Yet I’m curious about my new surroundings. More so, I’m curious to see how it’ll influence my writing.

I’m hesitant to speak on behalf of other writers, but as for me, all that’s within me and all that surrounds me enters into my writing; sometimes only the essence, at other times through example. Life always offers a bounty from which to draw. Some things good. Some things not so good. So as I sit here, my house near empty, my desk with drawers no longer filled, I wonder about this change ahead.

There are those that profess all change to be good. I don’t necessarily agree. Perhaps all change is necessary though, often on a level beyond our understanding. I have sat and watched change that upheaved my world and caused pain to those I love. On a spiritual level this may have been needed, but it wasn’t good. Sometimes change is the uprooting of emotional-mass that creates the mountain over which we’re intended to climb. Watching the uprooting, then having to climb it, are arduous tasks, both from the viewpoint of the ego and the soul. I say best not to do it while weighed down. Best not to live life weighed down.

This change for me is good. And once the labor of it is complete, I’ll embrace it in full. And to the extent that I can, I’m even trying to embrace the labor of packing and sorting. One shouldn’t be weighed down by unnecessary things. I dare say should disaster strike and mankind forced to run for the hills, I now know where my running shoes are located. In fact, I know where all my things are located. It wasn’t that way a month ago – and it should’ve been. It’s important to be streamlined. It’s important to not let one’s belongings grow to unmanageable proportions. Life easily sneaks up on us, we get busy, and clutter ensues. The same is true of our mind. The same is true of our emotional being.

So with this change I’m streamlining the all of me. And I encourage you to do the same. Whether change is before you or you are in the place you’ll be until your final day, sort through the all of you. Create order. The space you’ll create within your home, your mind and your heart will astound you. Suddenly you’ll take wider breaths, and your mind will lighten. And although it won’t remove the stress from your life, it will ease your burden by removing those things that no longer have a purpose.  I don’t believe I need twenty boxes of binder clips in assorted sizes. As I only now discovered them, I must not have needed them. I also don’t think I need photos in triplicate. Nor do I need Tupperware that has long since divorced its lid; the lid having run off long ago. More importantly, I no longer need to carry with me emotions that prevent me from stepping into my true self; doubts that muffle my true voice. I must also set aside the scars from my past, and a history that served its purpose but has a weight too heavy to bear. I can also let go of my guarded tendencies. Once dropped, my hands become free. We all need to let go if ever to embrace something new. And the truth is, that which lies ahead is often far better than that which we were reluctant to release.

If you do not hear from me, know that I am here – just busy creating a new nest, a new perch from which to view the world and write. But with a lighter load and free hands. In my brief absence I hope you will do the same.

Sane

In Absentia

FloatingAlong

As my life sits on the precipice of a new beginning, it also sits on the very same edge of all that is soon to be a memory. And as I do this, as boxes of old photos have been gone through and all my belongings whittled down to what I want to keep and what I do not – I do so on the two-year anniversary of my father’s passing. I also do this while crafting my latest book; this blog published as daily meditations titled: The Way Forward.

We’re all tethered to something. Some of our own choosing. Some like a Gordian knot from which there is little escape. If ever to move forward we must first come to terms with our past. We must loosen the knot. And that is exactly what I’ve spent the last few years of my life doing. Now, I no longer feel at home in my house, but I feel at home within my soul. My mind has come to terms with who I am, and how I came to be.

Sitting next to my bed is my school portrait. I had, at best, six years under my belt when the photo was taken. And yet, those early years have been the foundation on which I’ve walked for the last forty-three. I’ve decided we both need new ground. We both need a new foothold and a new beginning. It is never too late to start again. And I feel within my being that this new chapter was predestined to begin when it has. I’m exactly where I need to be, exactly when I was meant to be here.

I have few regrets. Some, but not many. Any missteps I’ve taken have also provided me valuable insight, and for that I am grateful. I had to be present in those moments. We owe it to ourselves to be present in all moments. I would like to say that the joyful moments hold more value than those that feel crippling at the time. But in my heart I know it isn’t so. Often something within us must be broken, if ever it is to open. The heart needs to break, to finally open itself up to the life and love it was meant to have. Our ego must suffer the same for it to one day bow to the soul. Crippling moments are not set backs, they are moments when we are meant to break out of the old; to crack the thick walls, to allow something better in.

My hope is that I’m beginning the better half of my life; the half filled with more joy than pain; the half where I take all that I have learned and share it with others. I am now stepping fully into my life’s purpose; knowing all the while my purpose was to first live through all that I have. And from this moment on, I hope to be present, to feel what surrounds me. I’m going to slow down more, I’m going to savor more. I’m going to look deeper and wider. My father wished his life away, buried in discontent. He is happy now, and so am I. I wish him the very best with his next life. And in some manner of speaking, I’m sure we will meet again. But for the rest of mine, I plan on nestling in, and getting used to calmer waters. I want a canoe that floats easily down the middle of the river. I’m looking forward to that. And as always, I plan to share with you all that I learn and all that I see as I float the way forward – healed and happy – inquisitive, yet content.

Sane

Moving On

I’ve accepted that I’ll never look at the world in the same way as most. Life is like a pop-up book to me, consisting of layers, behind one rests another. At times I envy those having a one-dimensional view. But being true to me, means also being true to my view. And my view is multi-dimensional. It’s who I am. And this journey, for me, is about stepping fully into who I am.

Not only must I accept who I am, I must love who I am. I must nestle myself comfortably within my many layers, and paint boldly with my many colors. I must sing in a tone that is in harmony with my true voice; as singular as it may be. Most of all, I must believe in my ability to spread my wings. And once having established that level of faith in myself, and the divine energy that rests within me, I must move my wings and fly.

I can no longer sit. And if I do perch myself it is to rest in quiet contemplation as I look out upon the world; knowing my perspective is the one that I was meant to have and meant to share. If you haven’t noticed, I am taking you along with me. With every lift off, with every graceful sweep of my wings, we glide together. There are times when I fall hard to the ground. But I have accepted that too. I’ve accepted that there are things down low meant for me to see. Discoveries made while grounded that can not be seen while sitting up on high. Generally, the discoveries made are of the things that tether me. So while stationary, I examine my inner workings. I heal that which is wounded, release that which is held captive, and fortify that which is in doubt. And I accept all of it as the part of me for which it is. Then I cut the string, and I move on.

As I sit here right now with boxes strewn about my home, photos from my youth scattered across my dining table, I am once again cutting the cords. The move I am making is about more than a geographical shift; it’s about a spiritual shift. I’ve accepted that my world will never be about only tangible, earthly things. I’ve tried very hard to force myself into that square peg and it just won’t be. This planet is merely a place for me to make certain discoveries. It is the ground that I walk upon when I have fallen, but it is also the beautiful vista that I get to behold when flying on high. It is the place for me to express myself, experience myself and meet with other like souls. It will never be all there is for me.

This shift, this change, is a time when I put into boxes all that I want to take with me, but also a time of healing the little girl who is awaiting her time to fly. That may make little sense to you but it makes profound sense to me. She waits. Her world was shaped without her say. She never once asked for the uncertainty that became her foundation. So together we are moving on. Together we are using this point in time to create a foundation that pleases us both; one that is shaped by our hands and by our hearts.

I will never cease to be more spirit than mind. I will never cease to contemplate and commune with things unseen. I’ve accepted these things. I’ve accepted me. Now its time to move on. And I’m taking you with me. Once again, its time to fly.

Sane

The Young Writer

The Young Writer

Gypsy Soul

The world is a marvelous, painful, beautiful, torturous, muddled up place in which we all live. It is dichotomy – made manifest. We, are dichotomy made manifest; evidenced by our free will. At every given moment in our life we conclude one way or the other. Our conclusions, I feel, create our future. We lay the bricks of our future foundation by the conclusions of our past.

But then, amidst it all, we find ourselves acting in ways that stand out; ways that are not our norm. There are times when we call upon our cellular memory. When we detach from what is, and submerge ourself in a knowing that is not yet owned by our mind.

It is my belief that there is a reason why our deepest self, our soul, held on to certain proclivities; why certain instincts were retained while we moved throughout these many lifetimes. I know that within me is a writer that far exceeds the one held within my thinking mind. I know this because I can tell the difference between the two when writing. With that said, please know that this blog is written with energy held throughout the ages. That isn’t to say that it has more value. It may, however, hold more wisdom than my mind could ever hope to own.

But tonight I did not write. I did not ponder the quandaries of life. No. Tonight, like a gypsy standing tall under a full white moon – I danced. I felt the music as it moved through my body. Without thought, without restriction, I allowed my body to express itself through movement, not words. Indeed, the soul of a gypsy danced free. My mind was silent. My soul took center stage. It was the form of meditation I most enjoy.

I can’t say with any certainty if I was a gypsy in a past life. I have no evidence that would appear concrete to the thinking mind. And yet, like my writing, once the soul is allowed to express itself, the evidence becomes clear to me. At one time, I danced bare footed upon the open land. And as I moved, the sheer colorful fabric adorning my body moved with me. The wind, moved with me. As did the stars, and the moon held high up in the sky.

The soul needs no evidence. And when it comes to the grandest, most meaningful things in life, neither should we. But then again, I am my soul. This soul chose the life of a gypsy just as it chose the life of a remote writer. Without the need for evidence, it seems clear that this soul that is me, is moving through time with the mission of self-expression.

Allow yourself a moment to express what rests below the sub layers of your being. Behind the thoughts of the mind is hidden the essence of you; the you that has come and gone; the you that has seen it all before. And out of that, your soul gleaned what it needed to glean. Find that spot. Find that part of yourself. Its you. And it is beautiful.

I will now go watch the sun set behind the trees. Knowing all the while that as is does, it only casts the illusion of closure. The sun never rests. Neither does my soul. And neither does my need to write and dance. Noapte bună prietenii mei dragi. Good night my beloved friends

Sane

Keep Trying

I have forty-three years of life data stored within me. But I am not the data, and the data is not me. These were merely life experiences that have been lived out, and are now stored as past memories. They are not the future. However, if I allow only my mind to decide my fate, then that past data will be projected forward, and thus my new days shaped. As the mind only has access to data, it can not gather from any other source. My soul, on the other hand, has access to all that is because – it is – All That Is. Albeit a small individuation of a much larger source, but a part of that source just the same. And that is all that matters.

The body, the mind and the soul are forever present. They are the faculties and tools by which we live and process this life experience. They are also the tools that shape our future. It is up to us then to decide how that future is to be shaped. Do we base it on the past. Perhaps. If your past pleased you, then draw forth from it and color your world similarly. But if you have outgrown your past or your past was not to your liking then leave it where it is, and bring on something new.

Life does not have to repeat itself. But it will if our focus remains in the same stagnant position. Our perception of life creates our experience of life. There is no other way. That is why two people can view the same thing yet walk away describing two different scenes. The tool, the mechanism that is you, is singular. If you do not like how the world looks, please know the world will not change unless you change the way in which you view it.

There are times when those things that do not please me outweigh those that do. Life, at times, holds only a hellacious vista. A 80/20 split at best. Most likely I created the unbalance. I do know, when I focus upon the 20% that pleases me, the 20% of magic that seemed to unfold amidst a sea of turbulence, the turbulence lessons and the magic increases. My focus alone causes a shift. Quantum physics has proven that nothing that is observed is unaffected by the observer. So in that we all create our truth, our own belief and our own reality.

So as I leave you today I will do so asking these things: What is your truth? What is your belief? And what is your reality? The answer to your personal evolution, your future, rests within your answer. Now its up to you, as it is also up to me, to choose our answer, to know and be the answer. Once we have done that, we will experience the answer. Understanding this, let’s perceive what pleases us, even if it means focusing only on the 20% for the time being. I will not profess to be a master at this. But we don’t have to be. All we have to do is keep trying. Keep trying. Keep trying.

Sane