I searched for the sun yesterday. Determined to watch it set, I had to make myself mobile. It’s an odd thing being without a nest. The home I had prior was perfect in many ways, and yet it held me too distant from life itself. But it did bless me with not only the rising sun with which to begin each day, but it showered me with the setting sun as well.
I can’t imagine making my permanent home one that does not offer these things. But then again I feel whole when I am connected with nature. And nature takes its queue from the sun. As do I. I get a bit disoriented when in the dark for too long. I used to think this was just one of the many flawed quirks inherent to being me. Over time I’ve come to realize it’s just part of my bio-rhythms. Its what I need.
I need music. I need the sun. And I need the warmth. I falter without these three external stimulants. The first two feel like the hand of God to me. The other just keeps me functioning.
I’ve spent the first half my life trying to figure out who I was. The last half will be spent living the me I know I am. I haven’t hardened with age; if anything, I’m expanding. My compromises are deliberate, but often. I now know what I want, and with that I feel less demonstrative, less aggressive. Nothing about my wants are grand. Not in the sense most would think. I want to smell nature, regardless of the season. I want to have the luxury to turn off the world and listen to the trees as they speak in the wind. No doubt I will forever enjoy the thrill of a feather-light clutch and the open road. But overall I’ve noticed I’m a bit slower as of late. Perhaps because I’m currently writing the story of my life; my mind is busy sinking into memories, epiphanies, and the makings of why I am the way I am; why God speaks to me in the language that he does. I’ve had to look at this journey of mine and question if it’s a story worth telling. I’ve lived it. But what have I learned.
I’ve learned that we are all connected. Whether we care to admit it or not. Just as much, we are connected to the trees, the birds, the moon and the stars. And heaven knows we are connected to the sun. All of these things make up this universe, and we are just as important as those things that seem much bigger and greater. We are all one. And we are just as big and just as great. As I search for my next nest, I need to find a place that honors all that I’ve come to learn about who I am. And my relationship to all that surrounds me. Make sure yours does too. You deserve as much.
If we look at life as if everything we see contains a soul, and that soul is all one, oh how our perception changes. We are all just off-shoots of the same thing. No tree is better than the other. No person is better than the other. The only thing that separates us from God is the belief that we are disconnected. But even when we believe it to be so, it isn’t. We can not be disconnected from that which we are.
Take a moment, and look at who you are. What you’ve become. What you hope to be.