I’ve been meditating a lot lately. I’ve been thinking about what it means to be human, and how it is these souls of ours are carrying out their destined task. I have to wonder if with each life the soul lives, another layer of camouflage is released.
I believe so. Whether I like it or not I believe I am living this lifetime without too many layers left. And when I look at others I not only see their layers, but I can feel the thickness and emotional makings of those layers.
In one respect it seems as though life would be easier, carrying it out while buried. Those layers, I can only assume, provide some level of protection. But what works to protect us inwardly can also shield us from the depth and most exquisite aspects of life. Those who feel the most pain, also feel the most joy. Life is set up that way, I feel. The dichotomy is ever-present. One can not tap into one aspect without tapping into the other. They may choose to focus more predominantly in one direction, but the contrast remains just the same, hovering in their peripheral.
At times I wish I could curl under a thick, heavy covering that guarded me from all that troubles me. Depression brought me close to such a thing, and yet depression is a type of disease to a soul that wants only to live in full health and with full expression. Every now and again, I feel myself close down still to this day. Its my psyche’s way of trying to blur my awareness. But once aware we can never become unaware. The best thing, the smartest thing, one can do is to step into that awareness even if that of which we are aware is not what we want to see. It is our job to seek out a clearer lens, and to create a stable framework that hold the lens.
I have to imagine it has taken me many lifetimes to come to the understanding that my perception is not always shaped from truth or knowing; but instead from fear; times when the frame holding the lens through which I see has been cast into shape by the past. It takes courage to break such a mold as these parts within ourself sit at our core. They have become who we are, or more accurately, who we have chosen to believe we are. It takes strength to choose differently. Some days I have that strength. Some days I do not. But the awareness that it is my choice as to what I choose, and the mold is that of my own creation, never escapes me.
So here I sit today, working on writing the book the tells my spiritual story, all the while examining if the lens I’m using to view my life is providing me with clear focus. Or, if I have outgrown it and am in need of choosing another. Or is it more serious than that. Do I need to break down the mold that creates the frame that holds the lens. If like me, you have noticed that things are becoming blurred. Step back. It may be that you are trying to see your world, or something within your world, and it is not as you want it to be. Or perhaps the problem is with you. Look at your lens, test out another. If the problem remains, go deeper. Visit the part within you that holds the lens in place. Keeping working at it. Don’t give up. Eventually things will become clear.