Having Tea With Me

TeaWithMe

Dear reader, today I complete my forty-fourth year. I spent Saturday night with eyes cast over the water, a gentle Pinot Noir in hand, and my mind settled onto the contemplations of the road behind me, and the road ahead. In that still, private moment I talked to God in the same way as always – with reverence, vulnerability and honesty. I cried a bit. I smiled a bit. I released what was on my heart.

I mentioned that I feel a bit displaced at present; tired. This house that I know I’m meant to occupy at this point in time is not my home. I was freed from the place I called home; freed from the memories held within its walls. I am thankful for that. But now, everything about me is in transition. I am acutely aware that this is how it needs to be – for now. But it unsettles me, just the same. I am where I need to be, while writing what I am meant to write. But its not an easy time.

Police sirens, car alarms and the sound of constant hubbub fills the air while my thoughts travel the furthest they’ve ever gone inside myself; corridors and passageways that I have long since locked away. It’s easy to feel alone during the process, especially while here. I whispered those words to God.

During any time of expansion, there is a bit of displaced energy; an uncomfortable void while new truths develop and harden into place. I thought about this the other night. Right now, the only certain thing in my life – is me. My words to you, here and in my book, come from this solid place. I own my greater truths. I own this road that has been mine, complete with every twist and turn. I own this walk I have with God, as unique as it may be.

As a small child I prayed desperately for God to talk with me; for Jesus to sit down on my bed and tell me everything would be alright. That never happened, not in the way I had hoped. God has its own way of speaking with me. And as much as I would like God to sit down and have tea with me, looking back, I can’t say I would change a thing. I own my joys. I own my pain. And I own each time God has whispered words to me, even words I’m not prepared to hear.

The next morning, I had a moment to myself. I returned to the same spot as the night before. This time with tea in hand I looked back over the water. I looked back over my life. I also gave some time to looking ahead. I admit dear reader, that at times this process causes me to feel quite alone. So when I speak to you about these many things, the trials, the triumphs, the aches of life, the victories of life – they are truths known deeply by me. I thought a good deal about this odd little curve in my road, and how it has me sitting on the shoulder, reflecting back. This time out is also forcing me to make thoughtful decisions about my future. I’ve been given this curve for a reason, so I’ll respect it as such. It is also for a reason that I’ve been given each of these forty-four years – each one led to a greater, deeper expansion of my soul; opportunities to either step away or step further into my authentic self.

Through a song on a station I’ve never before listened, God spoke to me the other morning. God did sit down and have tea with me. And this is what was said…

Hold on to me as we go
As we roll down this unfamiliar road
And although this wave is stringing us along
Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m gonna make this place your home

Settle down, it’ll all be clear
Don’t pay no mind to the demons
They fill you with fear
The trouble it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found

Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m gonna make this place your home

Settle down, it’ll all be clear
Don’t pay no mind to the demons
They fill you with fear
The trouble it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found

Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m gonna make this place your home

I am not alone on this journey, and neither are you. Things may seem unfamiliar to me as I embark on this second half of my life, but I am not lost. I may not have a place to call home, but home will soon find me. And that is what I needed to know.

It is for each of us to seek out, acknowledge and own the way in which God speaks with us. If you haven’t yet found it,  keep searching. Keep allowing. Keep believing. Its there.

Sane

And if you are curious, here’s the song through which God spoke to me: Phillip Phillips – Home

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16 thoughts on “Having Tea With Me

    1. SaneSamantha Post author

      For me too, my friend. I have to believe once I’m thoroughly settled into my authentic self, from tip to tip – I will then move on. A journey of discovery. Best to you ~ S.

      Reply
    1. SaneSamantha Post author

      God made all of these things, it should come as no surprise then that these things are used as methods of communication. Or at least, it is no surprise to me. Best to you my friend, and thank you ~ S.

      Reply
  1. rkutchjm

    Fascinating what goes on inside your mind Samantha.

    Similar circumstances are going on in my life. Have felt like a nomad for the last 7 years. Leaving everything here. Going to a place where stability, love and peace will be my focus.

    Thank you for this writing Samantha.

    Rob

    Reply

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