Beautiful To Me

There are times when I look at others and wish I could be more like them. Sometimes their cut and dried approach to life seems so easy. A life with hard lines; a right side and a wrong. But my life has few hard lines. If anything, its more like an abstract painting. I have many shades, and many emotions. It took years for me to accept this about myself. It is from this place that I love and write and view the world. And although it may seem like madness to others, it is beautiful to me.

There is a reason we all view and process and absorb the world as we do. Our soul is using our specific psyche, with our singular life experiences by which to carry out its journey. If we were to think like someone other than ourselves, then we would cease to be our – self. But we are unique. Never forfeit that part of yourself, even when it seems as if you are a jumbled mess.

Right now I am going through something that has me turning on end. And that’s okay. I sit and wonder why it is I’m seeing all that I do within the situation. I see life as possessing layers. I always have. I see our immediate emotion, and then the emotion that prompted it. It is the soul and cerebral lens through which I view the world around me. At times it feels like a gift from above. At other times it feels like a curse. Generally, I glide in between. But no longer do I ignore the extremes, either. When on high I see things I wouldn’t see otherwise, and the same is true when down upon my knees, or in this case, turned on end. There are times when only during those quiet moments I am able to fully see within myself and understand my motivations. Today, I noticed something within me I did not like so much. Not hideous. But not great. And even if by doing so it doesn’t save the situation, I took ownership of this part of myself. And, will work to un-wedge this brick of my being and replace it with a healthier one; one not cracked with fear.

But these pieces, those that are cracked and those that are made of gold are still what makes me – me. I stand upon the broken parts of myself as well as the solid, and from on top both I view this world. And by knowing these aspects of myself, by having gotten down and examined them, and continuing to exam them, I expand. I hope that expansion helps to heal others. I hope by sharing even my worst of moments, I have prompted you, dear reader, to look confidently within yourself. Don’t be afraid of what you see. You may not like it. But you can not fix what you do not take the time to notice. Look upon others, learn from others; let those things you admire add to your expansion. But I caution you against looking negatively upon yourself in the process. If you are like me, you are not perfect. That’s okay. I decided long ago that perfection is overrated and the attainment of such is just another form of hell on earth. Be the best you can be. And that is beautiful to me.

Sane

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6 thoughts on “Beautiful To Me

  1. toothpastesmiles

    The non-existence of perfection is a constant struggle within me. I think that the words that you write and that the person you have expressed through them are, and is, brave. I hope to one day reach the clarity that you seem to hold within you, because surely, knowing one’s self without any delusions is the meaning of perfection?

    Reply
    1. SaneSamantha Post author

      At times I do have great clarity. But only by way of having walked through a great deal of fog and uncertainty. I still find myself walking in the mist at times. But, I do believe I am good, just the way I am. Flawed, yes. But there is purpose to each flaw. I believe this is true with everyone. I am perfectly imperfect. And so are you. Thank you for the kind words. Love to you ~ S.

      Reply
  2. Rustysaysarf!

    This is great Samantha. Im surrounded by those looking help in a world full of images of what they should look like which leads to them forgetting to love even a part of them selves. Until you get 51% of your board of Directors in your monkey mind to start liking yourself its one unsustainable attempt after another. Soon 51% will turn to 52% and then 53% and then you begin to smile, forgive yourself and this continued self gratitude is the space needed for physical healing.

    Reply
  3. Megan

    Nice post. It reminds me of the Socrates quote: “An unexamined life is not worth living.” Keep going inwards and bringing it out into the world. Which leads me to another quote your post reminds me of: “What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters to what lies within us. And when we bring what is within out into the world, miracles happen.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson. Cheers to your upcoming miracle. 🙂

    Reply

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