Recently, I was having a discussion with someone regarding my memoir. After going over contractual details, this person asked, “Are you sure you want to do this? Are you sure you want to open your life up to so many?” I replied, “I have nothing to hide. When I look inside myself, I love what I see. I may not always like what I see. But I accept all of it. It took a long hard road of discovery for me to own who I am. I’m not ashamed. And I want to help others feel the same.”
There is no shame in who you are; whatever that may be. You may look down at the road you’ve walked and see it riddle with holes, cracks, missteps and obstacles. As you look back you may cringe at what you see. Don’t. There’s no need. Own what you see. Own each and every misstep. I believe peace, empowerment and freedom are found when we own who we are; when we no longer criticize ourselves; when instead of doubting ourselves and our worth, we see our beauty and value. So, look within. When you do, don’t turn away. Don’t gloss over or camouflage the discoveries you’ll make. Chances are, you grew the most from your weakest, worst moments.
Change the lens through which you view yourself. There are times even now when I sit in confusion regarding what it is I am feeling, about the moment that has presented itself in my life. I feel no shame in that. I could gloss over it. I could say that I am always at my best; that my life has been one, bright, shining moment. Would that make me appear better somehow, less imperfect?
I don’t view perfection that way. To that end, I don’t measure my life that way. If anything, I see the perfection that lives within my imperfection. There are times when life stops me dead in my tracks. There have been times in my life so disturbing they changed me forever. And although I could look at these things as negative versus positive, I don’t. I set that burden free awhile ago. And when I look ahead, its true, I would like to see easier roads, things that fall into place sans the disappointment, frustration or hurdles. I feel no shame in saying that I hope things get better. Yet, they will unfold and I will continue to walk on. And I will continue to live a rather transparent life. Although we navigate our journey differently and the road on which we walk has a destination that is ours and ours alone, we’re all walking. And it’s good when we’re reminded of that.
This post is dedicated to a dear friend, Christine Nagy, who, along with her husband, passed away earlier this week. She was a devoted reader of this blog. And often she would tell me how it pulled her through some of her weaker moments. She and her husband will be missed. To this witty, compassionate woman I would like to say, “Your road was hard, my friend, but you walked it well. Look upon that, and smile. Better roads will come.”