Fuck It. The End.

Fuck It. The End

I could say a good deal of pleasantries about the year that has come to pass. But quite honestly all I want to say is: Fuck it, I’m happy this year has come to an end. Perhaps those words may seem too harsh or bold for a writer such as me. One would think I’d more eloquently phrase such a clipped thought. I have no need. I’ve never hidden the truth from you, dear reader, I surely have no intention of doing it now.

I sit here tonight, alone. Instead of looking out over the countryside vista of my past, or the school gymnasium of my present, I look out over the water. In the distance I see twinkling lights of homes, and a few cars moving. In many ways it reminds me of the sight I use to behold. This view is only temporary, however. It isn’t mine. But tonight, as I pray, these are the images that hold my gaze.

I would like to tell you that beautiful words float across my mind on such a night as this. Profound words. Pretty words. That isn’t the case. Instead, truly, two words stream through my being. I opened tonight’s post with those two words. And knowing me, I shall end this post repeating the same.

One could say those words are negative. I disagree. I find liberation in them. At least, that is the belief I have right now. When I cut the strings that bind me, rarely do I do so proclaiming any other words. These words are the ones that I so often use when I have met my end. When I have made a resolute decision within myself. When I have looked upon a situation, relationship, dream, or matter of reality and decided that I have had enough. With all the grace I own I say: fuck it. Let this year be done and let a new one usher in. Let the life I intend to live cascade around me. Let me bask within the waters of all that pleases me. And if God does not aid me in this quest than by my own hand I will make it my own. Those are the sentences I see within my mind as I look out at the twinkling lights that sit just beyond the water’s edge. These are the thoughts that I owned this morning when my eyes opened. These are the thoughts that will accompany me once my eyes close again. But this is not so bad. This is me turning my sails. This is me saying, we are shifting course. And it takes force. Perhaps this is the God within me causing this thought. Maybe during this moment of seeming disconnect I am in perfection connection.

I will make my dreams my own, yes. And so should you. There comes a time when after having anchored our craft in the water we notice we do not see the shore we had hoped to see. Lift anchor. Move on. Maybe that is what God was waiting for us to do. God knows I own the anchor. So fuck it. Lift anchor, set the sails, let’s begin to move again. Let us feel the wind as it brushes up against us. Let us feel the sun as it sets upon our back as we move forward.

If you had hoped I would give you eloquent words to ease you into the new year, please know that in my own way – I have.

May 2014 be the year that your heart’s desire unfolds in long billowing streams before you. May your footsteps be forever sure, steady and strong. May you notice that your face carries a smile more often than it does a frown. And may the wind be at your back pushing you forward. I do hope this is the year that you look ahead and see your destination. Life’s a journey, my dear reader. Fuck it. Let’s sail on.

Sane

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