Monthly Archives: March 2014

By Design

ByDesign

Hello, dear reader. Thank you for waiting for me. I’ve been doing some spring cleaning; no, not the kind we do on the outside. The metaphorical broom I’ve had in hand, is the kind used on the inside. At times what I find when I sweep the dust within me, causes me to cringe. I do not look at it and smile. But it is me. This raw dust is me.

Then I sit. I rest my broom next to me, and I examine what I’ve found. Sometimes, I cry. Always, I pray. And when I finally muster the courage to grab the broom again, I sweep further the next time. I extend my reach deeper within the recesses of my being, and take pride knowing that I’m doing my best. I may gather dust from time to time, but I venture back inside. With each sweep I gather, I examine, I clean. If I am to grow, my soul must not be buried.

I may succumb to my psyche’s knee-jerk reaction to find fault with what I see, to view myself as a failure for not being the image of perfection others may want me to be. But then I sit again. I rest the broom again, and I pray. And if I quiet my mind long enough the voice within me speaks, and so too comes its peace. I won’t condemn who I am. I do not and will not find fault even within the raw pieces of my being. I may have a lot of work left to do, but  am pleased with who I’ve become. I am pleased with who I am.

I was brought here for a reason, dear reader, and so were you. That reason was not so that you should feel less than. It wasn’t so that you should feel guilty for not being perfect. It’s so that one day as you sit with that broom resting beside you, you realize that you came from perfection. And within every particle in your being there is perfection. Not because you do or say everything right. Not because you have all the answers, but because you came from perfection, therefore you are inherently just as you are meant to be. You are a work in progress. We don’t damn the seed for not being a full grown oak. As the hard winds push against it, the seed does not hide, it does not shrink, it gets stronger. You will get there as long as you too move forward.

Feel no shame. Feel no guilt. You are not less than. You cannot be less than your point of origin. And your point of origin is divine source. So take your broom dear reader, keep cleaning. Keep taking stock of where you are at and from where you came. The mere act of looking at yourself with a kind eye means you are moving forward. It is my belief that we are here to arrive at that understanding. You are worthy. You may not do or say everything right. And that’s okay. Own it. Admit it. Give yourself and the world around you some slack. The same energy that is nestled within every seed, rests within you. You are meant to grow. You are meant to transform. It was never intended of you to become perfect. You arrived from perfection. Perfection rests within you, not beyond you. Now tap into it. Perfection is God and God lives in joy. God lives in appreciation. God lives in love. So dust off the seed. Get centered, and move forward, expand in those directions.

And if you are wondering if you are living a life that is right, if you are in alignment, if you are honoring God, ask yourself if you are moving toward joy, appreciation and love. You are meant to feel love. You are meant to be happy. God lives in the seed. The seed is you. Dust it off, and let it grow.

 

Sane

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Waiting for this Moment

Teenage Girl Waiting for Train, Chicago, Illinois, 1960

Chapter One

We are all on a journey. My steps are no more important than yours. Your steps are no more important than mine. But there is a difference, and that difference is the imprint we leave with each step, and what catches our eye and draws our focus as we move along. Somewhere down the line I became quite aware of my soul; what it is my soul has set out to accomplish and the opportunities given me to bring about that end. I did not always have this awareness. I did not always understand nor appreciate the work of my soul. Now I do. And now, as I look back, I see the turning points of my life as the opportunities for my soul’s expansion as they were meant to be. Knowing this as I do hasn’t lessened the heartache of some of those moments. Knowing this hasn’t taken away the pain; but it has strengthened me. And for now, strength is enough.

Still, there have been a few times in my life, moments that altered me to the core, for which I’m still at a loss to understand. Even though the purpose of those altering moments is still beyond my understanding, in time I will see them with a deeper understanding; a level of knowing I’ve yet to cultivate due to my often turbulent psyche. But the turbulence I experience now is light in comparison to what it was in my earlier years. Now, I see the whipping winds of my mind as simply the moments when I’ve fallen out of alignment with my true self. These moments are not the end, as I sometimes fear them to be. They are times when my soul is striking with a diligent fist against a hardened or broken part within my being; a time when my soul has approached an obstacle buried within me. But the obstacle has purpose; this I now understand. My soul chose my turbulent mind and the body that contains it as the vehicle by which it wants to experience this wildly contrasting world. My soul knew that when the winds within my psyche kick up, it does so with a passionate force that can knock me off-center and send me tumbling to my knees. It is this same soul though, that knew it is upon my knees where I often unearth the hidden truths buried deep within me, so on my knees I must occasionally go. Oh yes dear reader, my soul knew that from even those moments brought about by my most doubting self and deepest fears – good can emerge. And so often it has.

I wouldn’t trade the person that is me, with all of my many particularities, for anyone else; even if their roads appear easier, even if their psyches appear softer and less inquisitive. It is a resolute truth of mine that my purpose can only be fulfilled through the vehicle that is me. And such is true with you. My walk has eased up after that one realization. I am a work in progress and always will be. However, I no longer see myself as flawed. I see even the broken pieces within me as the perfect catalysts that my soul needs to become what it has set out to become. I do view myself as that blackbird that wants to fly. And like the famous song says, I too have broken wings, but am learning to fly. I felt broken and blind for most of my life. Although many would not want to expose such a truth about themselves, I know that many feel the same: broken and blind, afraid to fly. Due to such, there they stay, suspended in place. It needn’t be that way. And I intend to tell you why.

Excerpt from the memoir, Blackbird Fly. The telling of which is one of the reasons it may seem I’ve been so silent as of late. Please know, dear reader, I am not as silent as it may appear. I’m merely telling a larger story that will be shared with you.

Sane