I’ve been let down many times in my life, but never more than by myself. We are always our worst enemy. I’ve been given every opportunity to imagine, create and live the life of my dreams, only to hold myself down in the end. Part of my journey is learning to identify those tethers and release them.
We all have tethers. We all have wounds, scars and fears. Unless healed, these tethers hold us within a stinted life. It is said in the Bible that the kingdom of Heaven rests within us. Nothing about Heaven is stinted. Heaven is life, fully expressed. Those wounds should give us invaluable information about ourselves, but never should they hold us down. Never should they prevent us from living in full.
Often I’ve chosen to view my life through a skewed lens. I let outside factors determine my inward growth. Or worse yet, prevent growth at all. God, this beautiful source energy, is a feeling. You will know you are aligned when you feel it. Alignment feels good. Misalignment feels bad.
Time and time again it has been revealed to me that I’ve failed to show up in my own life. I’ve failed to be present. I’ve let everything outside of me control the whole of me and it has felt dreadful. Time again I’m reminded that my sole reason for being is not to show up for my children or anyone outside of myself. They have their own lives in which they are cast as the lead. I have one life and I’m the one required to be present within it. I’m the one meant to stand center stage. Once I do, then I’m giving my best to all those with whom I come in contact. I’ve been given this unknown amount of moments; the duty is mine to savor them. The duty is mine to stand in the center.
I could blame numerous outside factors for the woes that have entered my life. Yet I know those factors come and go – the one constant is me. Not surprising to God as God knows I’m the star of my own show. As I stand under the spotlight it is up to me how I react and what I do with each moment given me. Sometimes this means allowing myself to be present within the pain as much as during moments of joy. I must move through them and they must move through me. What I do from there is a choice reserved for me. The choices I make turn the wheel of my life. All of it is part of the process. When I blot out my awareness due to the poignancy of the hurt then I am choosing once again to fall stagnant, to sink in the pond of despair. It is a pond of my own making. And sinking was my choice. After wallowing I could choose to get out. In every moment we are given the chance to start over, to choose again and to choose differently. I won’t damn the times I’ve chosen to sink in hopelessness as I’ve often learned important lessons about myself while going under. It takes enormous courage to feel one’s pain. But it is the only way to heal. And healing leads to growth and growth is inherent to living an authentic life; one in which we show up for ourselves.
It takes strength to release the lens of fear and reach for another. But I’m pleased to say that over the course of my many years I’ve routinely grabbed a better lens through which to view my life and me. I try to use the lens most closely aligned with All That Is. When I do I’m showing up for myself. And by showing up for me, I show up for my children and those I love. Please show up in your life, dear reader. Do not rush to an end point because once you do you will look back and see that the one who let you down was you. The Universe gave you the life, it is up to you how you live it. Show up for it. Peace is found when standing in the center of your stage. It’s where you were meant to be.