As the Water Carries Me

The Water

 

The other day, while standing outside in the blustery wind, I was told one of the most beautiful things about myself, “Something about you brings people back to center. And sometimes moves them forward.” I’d like to believe this to be true.

Coming back to center, in my opinion, has little to do with finding a stationary place, forming a groove, then remaining there. The soul isn’t stagnant. The soul flows. Finding appreciation for one’s self during the ebb and flow, that is a large part of my life’s work. I have to believe this is why I find such resonance with the water. Also too, why so often I can be found sitting and looking out over the bay, watching the waves as they move, or choose not, depending upon the day. I too ebb and flow. Its been a long road, seeing the beauty in both.

It’s easy to cling to those parts within ourselves that seem so perfect and good, and hide those that don’t. To award the emotions that ride high, and push down the rest. There have been times when I felt like a stranger within my own being, whose life has stirred into a mess. And then it shifts. A new day comes and the waves calmed. I was the mess. And I am the calm. The water never divides itself. Nor should we.

My idea of being centered no longer comes with a longitude and latitude. No longer do I try to define my center by any other guidelines than – I feel good, I feel steady, I have hope. This, to me, is center. For me this is alignment, and alignment comes with a lot of leeway. There are days when feeling centered means I speak to almost no one. I sit with the weight of reflection, and think thoughts that require silence. And then there are days when my center lives and breathes within the laughter of friends, dancing in the moonlight, or sipping wine. If it feels right, if it feels good, and I have hope – then I am at peace and at center.

I used to have demons within me, from which I would run. Then one day I turned. I looked at them and they looked at me. And like with most people, I noticed their value. I noticed their purpose. With that I formed an appreciation for those things within me that use to knock me off-balance. Next to my joy stands my melancholy heart. It took seeing with eyes wide open for me to accept and embrace the all of me.

Dear reader, we all shift. We all have our own sway. No movement within you is better than the next. Each has purpose. Even when you are a mess, it is a mess that carries meaning. Life messes us up, so we have to let go. Sometimes we sink low to see something we wouldn’t had our gaze been kept high. Everything changes. It must. And so must you. Move with life and life moves with you. Maybe the purpose of life is to learn how to love yourself – throughout.

Sane

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