When Pushed

I used to think I was a nice person. Now, I take it day by day. I was once told by someone that I was the kindest person they’d ever known. Words that warmed my heart. But part of me questioned whether it was accurate. I know the thoughts I think, and I have to say they aren’t always kind. In the moment, when confronted with the worst in mankind, I want to rage against the ignorance, the racism, the bigotry, the vile behavior. But more often than not, I step back long enough to allow the soft voice of Spirit to remind me that those ways are not in line with who I am. 

There are times when the kindest thing I can do is say nothing. And on days when I’m feeling particularly strong, I offer a silent blessing. But that isn’t all of who I am. I’m also the person who has, on more than one occasion, buzzed open her sunroof and extended a middle finger. I wish I could say it didn’t feel as good as it did. But dear reader I’ve never lied to you about who I am. I’m a human who is just trying to be the best she can be, regardless of what is before me. I’m a feisty rebel wrapped inside of a thoughtful, spiritually driven soul. At times the two are at odds. At other times, they are linked.

I think we’re all feeling pushed. But these aren’t end times. More like, the Universe wants us to finally get honest about who we are. So. We’re pushed to the point where our authentic self emerges. And either what emerges is someone we feel good with or we don’t. Either way, we need to know. We need to come face to face with our true self. When lost at sea, we can either stay adrift and misguided, or we can figure out where we are using the stars above. Once we know that, we can begin to navigate our way forward.

Who shows up in me when I have no clue how I will sustain a business crippled by store closings. Who shows up when my expenses outweigh what’s trickling in. Who shows up when someone I don’t know is in need. Who shows up when I’m standing shoulder to shoulder with someone who believes completely different than me. Who shows up when my mind can’t stop in the middle of the night, or when the news only shows the worst of humanity railing against people they don’t even know. Who shows up in me when it seems as though our world has turned upside down.

I don’t really care how one behaves when the sun is shining and there are ample funds to go around; times of excess. I want to know who shows up when people feel threatened; when money is tight and the future is uncertain. What matters to me is who pushes others out of the life raft and who extends a hand to pull them in. Those who are kind in those moments are my people. Those who would give from what they have, when what they have is little. Those who encourage inclusiveness and equality. My soul is paying special attention during this unique time. But not just of others – of me. In every moment I have the opportunity to be my best self, or my worst. And dear reader, I’m giving it my all. 

It takes strength to be kind. Don’t get discouraged because you get tired. Just notice what it’s bringing out in you – and those around you.

Sane

2 thoughts on “When Pushed

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s