Monthly Archives: February 2023

Valentine’s Wish

Marilyn by George Barris, 1962.

I hope you feel love today, dear reader. Quite honestly, I hope you feel love every day. I hope love for yourself resides within your being. During life’s ups and down, whether alone or amongst a group – I hope you feel it for yourself. Yes, that is what I wish for you this Valentine’s Day. 

Life happens. People come and go. But you, well, you take yourself with you wherever you go. So the best thing you can do is feel deep resounding, completely non judgmental love for yourself. That’s not as easy as it sounds. We get caught up in the external. We want confirmation of our value. To be loved by another is a profound feeling. But its temporary.

We can’t accept love from another if we don’t yet feel it for ourselves. I’ve had great loves. I have also had the most empty relationships imaginable, hidden under the guise of love. It happens. I believe it happens to many of us. I believe there’s something to be gained from those experiences – all of them. Even the ones that turned my world upside down. We learn who we are in those moments more than almost any other time in our life experience. I wish they felt better. I wish they were easier, and yet if they were they wouldn’t serve their purpose. 

I feel there’s something to be learned about ourselves in every moment. Why something hurt us the way it did. Why something disappointed us so deeply. When all is said and done, if we choose, we can walk away knowing more deeply who we are because of those tumultuous experiences. I often say it’s who we are and who stands with us in the rain that matters most. I believe that. I believe it’s in the rain that we discover who we are. I love sunny skies. But, when it comes to making peace with our inner being – no other experience allows for that more than when the rain is pouring down. 

So this Valentine’s Day, I’d like to recommend to my fellow umbrella seekers, to treat yourselves in the most delicious way you can imagine. And come to terms with all of the ups and downs held within your heart. Please know I have had some downs. Some completely outside of my control. But I’ve also had ups that exceeded my expectations. They are all there, like threads in the tapestry that is my life. I need to be okay with each thread. I moved through those moments and those moments moved through me. I will never be able to separate myself from them. Nor can you. With love and non judgment look at them. 

The next thing I ask is for you to savor how beautiful you are. Set aside any self loathing. Set aside the impulse to compare yourself to others. And contemplate for a moment that within you resides a very special glow; a glint from the stars from which you came. No one – no one – has that same glint. Its yours. So wear it well. Yes you are the sum of your life experiences, but your are so much more. Own your tapestry. But remember, you are not your tapestry. You are the keeper of your history. But that’s all it is. History. Good and bad. You are the glint. You are the stars, crushed into dust and made into the most exquisite, unique person. And that is the person I love. So smile. Dance. Savor. And remember, no one can love you better than you.


Getting Out of the Way

Dolly Parton and her 1964 Cadillac.

There are times in life when the best thing we can do is to get out of our own way. I feel oftentimes, unwittingly, we block the very things we desire from entering into our life. We don’t mean to. We aren’t intentionally putting up a road block. But the energy that powers the Universe is similar to the energy nestled in the walls of our home, it works the way it works. You can’t yell at your outlet. You can’t beg the lights to turn on. Either we work – with it – or we don’t.

A lot of what I’m doing currently is just that; stepping aside so the energy of the Universe and my higher self can step in. Its easy to get caught up in the minutia of life. My analytical, need-to-get-things-done brain will go into hyper drive. I don’t fault myself for this. Growing up in an alcoholic home my mind had to be on high alert most of the time. Always looking for indicators of the conditions around me. I carried that forward, and in some ways its served me well. But it can also disconnect me from the flow.

Have you ever noticed how some of the best things in life have, seemingly, come out of the blue. You hadn’t even known certain hues were possible until, by chance, you were in the right place at the right time to catch that particular sunset. Or, someone came into your life, appearing almost out of thin air. And it was just the right person at the time. If you had to plan it, you couldn’t have because your mind couldn’t conceive beyond its own history. It only knows what it knows. 

So sometimes, we block energy, the Universe, All That Is, by holding onto what has been. We envision or plan based on historical data. We can’t imagine a color we haven’t yet seen. Most of us can’t imagine a smile not yet given to us. Whether we mean to or not we all possess a set of blinders. The Universe does not. The Universe knows that the very thing you desire might be something you haven’t yet experienced. 

Then, the best thing to do is step aside. Be open. Try to be a bit more childlike with your wonder. Allow yourself to be amazed. Even if those things are simple and appear insignificant. They aren’t. The energy behind it is far from insignificant. Its the exact energy you’re wanting to dabble in if you’re wanting something new. Especially, oh especially, if your life has stalled and feels like each day is a repeat of the last. 

I was recently caught up in wonder. Pointing at things in amazement. New things. Different things. Beautiful things. Things I didn’t even know existed. Like a small child, I was in awe. I wasn’t thinking about things working out. I wasn’t thinking about business plans. I wasn’t thinking about the rate of financial returns or chapters of books. I wasn’t thinking about deadlines or obligations. I got out of my way for a bit. And in that moment I let something new creep in. I allowed myself a moment to shift my energy. Oddly enough, not long after, that shift helped with the minutia. More importantly, I got out of the way long enough for the Universe to bring into my life things I didn’t even know I needed. But dear reader, once I was presented with it, I knew I had needed it.

So as you step into your day, if you can, do your best to step aside. Get out of your own way. Set aside ideas of how it should be. How its always been. And be open to the unplanned, unimagined. Allow for something new.


In Relation

I’ve been thinking how our life experience is not meant to be insular. Everything we do is in relation to something. Its through our exposure to others that we learn about ourselves. I should say, we have the opportunity. Often, we see others as being separate from us. I don’t believe that’s so. 

People bring out the best in us. They can also bring out the worst. The key is that its being brought out. Meaning, it was already there. For the most part, they didn’t create it.

I think we can meet the most detestable of individuals and, depending upon where we are within ourselves, it may not ruffle one feather. We don’t resonate with their energy. We don’t operate on their vibrational level. We witness it. We see it. But we aren’t it. But also, we can meet the most lovely of individuals and, depending upon the love we possess within ourselves, we can either bask in the mutually swirling love or not notice it’s even there. We can’t experience beyond what we are.

Life is constantly giving us opportunities to take stock of where we are. Its near impossible to not know where we reside vibrationally. We work in relation to others and experiences. How we handle life reveals where we are within ourselves. I have many moments where I have to stop and tell myself to acknowledge how I feel. I do this during both good times and not so good times. I do this because there are moments when I am truly baffled by myself. And in those times, I have to ask myself why something is making me feel so peculiarly wonderful or bothering me to the point where I stare at the ceiling at 2am; causing me to kick a foot out from under the covers in exasperation.

And with the things that upset me, if I’m brave and honest enough to dig deeper – I almost always find an area within myself that’s been spotlighted; where my true feelings don’t match what I tell myself.

Telling yourself something does not always mean it’s what you believe. With somethings we’re all talk. We make that discovery when exposed to something unexpected. It’s up to us to heal it or ignore it. I don’t believe we are meant to be perfect. We don’t have to do anything. But I will say dear reader, often when we ignore something it’ll circle back. Usually, growing with intensity and depth.

I’ve been through some rough stuff. And it’s entirely up to me how I view those events. Some I’ve handled well. Some not so well. What I know is this, I didn’t want any of them. But they were brought into my life for a reason. I may never fully know why. But I see what came from them. What I chose to take from them. And in many ways, as almost unimaginable as it may sound, I’m not entirely sure I’d change anything. I lived through them. So what I’m trying to say is this: whatever it is that you may be experiencing, take a moment to pause. Listen to your body. Pay attention to how you feel. What its telling you. Listen without judgement. You need to be your own safe space. And in the moments when you feel completely ripped to shreds. Just know that you have within you everything you need to pull from the moment what is necessary to rise higher.