Category Archives: life

Broken

Harpers Bazaar, Katharine Hepburn 1932

Good evening, dear reader. It’s been awhile. I hope you’re well. I hope life is making sense. I hope you are smiling often. And I hope when you look in the mirror – you appreciate what you see. I think that is why I’m writing tonight. I felt led to slide my work aside, and say something to you. I haven’t a clue yet what that is. So in many ways, as always, we will be reading this together.

As many of you know, I’ve always felt broken. For the longest time I saw this as a flaw. A deficit. Something lacking. It took years for me to view it differently. And I’d be lying if I said there weren’t still times when my view needs a readjustment; when I need to center and reconnect with the deepest and highest version of myself. And then as if someone cleared the grime from my windshield, I can see clearly again. And this is what I see.

Sometimes we need to break what is to allow for what can be. Sometimes we need to break old patterns of thought, beliefs, long held hurts and memories. I can’t say why life pummels us the way it does. But I do know it matters what we do with the broken pieces. I grew up feeling broken, which made for a rather rough start. Was it necessary. I can’t say. 

But I can say, once I decided to look at those pieces; to examine them and deliberately choose to create something out of them, something of my own making – life changed. I think everyone is a little bit broken. But I also believe some of the most beautiful things in life, are born from the space between those broken pieces. 

It takes courage to hold these pieces in our hand. They’re sharp. But they are also beautiful. They are you. They are me. I’m still building a mosaic from the pieces I find within myself. An exhibit piece I hope to craft until I take my last breath. Those pieces are what allow me to see deeper into the eyes of those before me. Those pieces are what allow me to hear the words not spoken; sitting quietly behind the words that are. If it weren’t for the broken pieces within myself I wouldn’t have half the compassion for others that I do – not to mention the compassion I have for myself.

Life reflects are beliefs. So tonight, as we sit with spring hesitant to take the stage, I ask that you use this moment to spread out your broken pieces. Privately, lay them before you. Stand back and examine all the jagged edges. Notice the irregular shapes. Some small. Some large. Some still holding much of their original shape. Others, reduced to pebbles. And run your fingers across them. They didn’t break easily. Not one broke on its own. Something happened. 

Life isn’t meant to be stagnant. You are meant to change. You are meant to morph and evolve and grow and become. It may hurt to hold some of these broken pieces. If it hurts, it means you need to heal, release and allow for something new. Allow that piece to be part of something new – Its waiting for you to transform it – Every piece is waiting for you.

I like to think of myself as a beautiful mosaic. I am all of my broken pieces, rearranged, and deliberately transformed. But also, I am the spaces in between. I am newly formed pieces born of my own creation. I am multi-colored and consist of every shape imaginable. And I wouldn’t trade one broken piece for smooth, flawlessness. This mosaic is me and its so much more than its original form.

Sane

The Stories We Tell

Lately I’ve been thinking about the stories we tell. The ones we tell others. The ones we tell ourselves. We do it so naturally we aren’t even aware. And yet the stories we share reveal the frame through which we view our life; our past and possible future. 

The truth is, we aren’t the stories we tell. We aren’t our past. We aren’t what has been to us or what we have done to others. We aren’t our occupation, or lack thereof. We aren’t defined by numbers; our zip code, bank balance, years of life or size. We aren’t any of these things. We are, however, how we view these things. Often its the very stories we tell that keeps us from living the life we desire. If everything possesses energy, and we know it does. Then when we tell stories that no longer honor us, we keep ourselves in bondage to what was. A place we don’t want to be. Maybe its where we once were. But that was then. This is now.

Our story is for us to write. And every day we are granted a blank page. Each of us is here with purpose, with something to contribute. Granted, many don’t know it. So let me share what I feel it is.

We are joy. We are meant to feel joy. We are love. We are meant to feel love. We are meant to rise above limited understandings and narrowly framed beliefs. We’re here to see those around us; and to do so with compassion. We are here to smile broadly and feel deeply. To stand in our truth and understand how we got where we are. No blame. No shame. Then move ahead. Always moving. Always crafting an ever evolving storyline that fits our designed narrative.

Today I am not who I was yesterday. Not really. Close. But not exact. Today I choose to see myself in a better light. I choose to make more time to find my joy. And if I fall short, I’ll start fresh tomorrow. I am the author of my life. And if I don’t like how its reading, I change it. I am not meant to hand over my power or pen. I am not meant to let those around me decide my worth. Instead, I am to find it myself. I fail often. But I’m getting better. I keep changing and moving forward until I notice that I’m smiling more, I laugh easier. And when I see those around me I know they too are on their own journey, at their own rate, on their own level. It’s not for me to judge. I’m not to look down. I’m not to put them up high. I stay in my lane and work on me. Love myself. Love my neighbor. Fail. Start over. Fail less. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

These are the chapters I’ve been scripting as of late. Its the perfect time to decide who you are. Every day is. I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life, dear reader. But I’ve also gotten a lot of things right. I can’t say I would do a lot differently, as I really enjoy how all those ups and downs have created the person typing these words. I am not my past. I am me. An ever evolving soul who wants you to know that you are what you decide. Decide well. You are worth it.

Sane

Sitting in the Shade

Sitting in the Shade

I can’t imagine what I could possibly say after the year we’ve had. Maybe it wasn’t all that bad for some. But if you are one of the watchers, the seekers, those who are here to do more than wake and sleep – it was a bit rough. 

Sometimes I look at those who seem to be without much sensitivity, and wonder what it would be like to live through their eyes. Truthfully, they don’t seem all that happy. More often than not they seem to find their joy through force. Dominance. I can’t imagine living that way. I’d like to think my soul has seen those days and is here to occupy a different lane. 

I always say that when I fly above, things through my spiritual eyes becomes clearer. Lately, I’ve had to stay in the air more than usual. It’s the only thing that’s kept me grounded. That may sound like a contradiction, but to me, it’s not. I’ve never fit in. Why would I now, while the world around me is growing more divided by the hour. 

Division feels like stepping back. And not in a good way. Not to get a better look. More like, a step backward in our evolution. And it makes my soul ache. So instead, I look to nature. I find my center by walking among the trees. They’ve seen it all. They’ve watched mankind achieve greatness and great acts of destruction. To me, trees have a soul that is wiser than most. They’d have to. To agree to be here for such a long haul takes enormous strength. I can’t imagine having that kind of commitment toward mankind.

Don’t get me wrong, dear reader. I love my fellow man. I just can’t say I feel all that connected at the moment, though. I’m working hard to find the umbrella seekers. Those who can find the good in all things; the hidden gems within the most mundane and most chaotic. Acts of kindness are everywhere. I still believe that. 

Kindness is a state of being. It’s who you are. Either you are kind or you are not. It’s not connected to a doctrine that mandates it. It isn’t an act to be done in front of others. It’s like the tree that just – is. The tree doesn’t know how not to provide shade. It’s up to us to sit under it. But whether we show up or not, it doesn’t change the actions of the tree. 

I feel at home among the trees and the water and moon. I often don’t among others. People are unpredictable. Nature, is steady. And it’s held me steady over this last year. But in my moments sitting with the waves or the moon or walking amongst the trees, I do reflect on those who have shown kindness over this last year. I have to believe, they’re still showing the same strength of kindness now. And will be for years to come. Because it’s who they are. Out of such hardship and horrific behavior, we’ve been shown the dichotomy; what rests at the other end of the spectrum. Those are my people.

Little do they know, a little writer who lives up in the woods and water of Northern Michigan sees them, offers them blessings and energy from miles away. Like the shade of a tree, I hope they feel the kindness I’m offering. 

To all my umbrella seekers and nature lovers, I see you.

Sane

Thank you

From the bottom of my heart, thank you. Never before has it been so apparent to tell those who give a damn from those who don’t. It’s as though the Universe lifted the veil making it easy to identify who gives a flying fuck about others from those who don’t. And to those who care about me, thank you.

Dear reader, when you wear a mask to prevent possibly spreading a virus onto others, you are telling me you give a damn about me. And for that, I thank you. To you, this post is written. To the rest of you, go fuck your self righteous selves. I’m tired of you and you’re higher than thou excuses for your behavior. As a writer it pains me to admit this, but actions speak louder than words. Check yourselves. Check your actions. Look in the mirror and ask yourself why you believe you matter more than anyone else. You don’t.

I’m madder than hell with those who use words to mask their incredible insensitivities toward humanity. Fuck you.

Dear reader, I write this blog to remind us that we aren’t alone. It’s super easy right now to feel alone. But you’re not. You are surrounded by exceptional people. You may not know their names. You may never share a hug with them. But they are there, and their numbers are great. So, moving forward, I want everyone to let their gaze fall upon those who have taken that outward step to protect you. Their actions are true to Source. All That Is, is Love. Love gives a damn. Love reaches further to help others. Love protects. And that is what wearing a mask does – it protects others. And there is no greater outward sign of love than that. 

I don’t know how well my heart would handle coming down with this particular virus. Without going into too much detail, I don’t think it would do all that well. So to those who choose to protect me, thank you. You don’t know that about me when you walk past me. Which makes it all the more impactful. It’s caring for the sake of caring.

Dear reader, the Universe is watching and responding. What you are doing, as simple of an act as it is, represents who you are. And who you are is someone who doesn’t want to risk harming anyone; one of the most basic tenets of love. That’s why I wear one. Even though I feel like I’m suffocating while wearing it, I do it. I do it to protect you. Is it bothersome, yes. Yes, it is. So is driving the speed limit or staying in my lane. But I do it. Because if I didn’t, who knows the wake of damage I’d leave behind me. Miles ahead I may be fine, but those I left behind might not be. 

Ugliness is magnified right now. But, I want you to look for the caretakers, the peacemakers, the mask wearers. Those who are showing up with love as their guide. At first you may not see them, they aren’t thumping their chests loudly. They aren’t acting as if the world revolves around them. But they are there. I want you to look for them. Notice them.

Love is kind. Love helps. Love encourages and uplifts. Love is inclusive. Love unites. Love gives a damn about those around them.

And if my bluntness offends anyone, I do not apologize. Because there are no other words that embody the true intent of what I want to express here, other than the ones I have chosen. I feel good with them. My compass is still pointing true north. 

Sane

Bleeding Heart Liberal

A lover of mine once called me a bleeding heart liberal. Perhaps he thought he was being coy. I thought he was being an ass. Am I a bleeding heart liberal – yes. I suppose I am. If it means I think a bit more about the welfare of others and a bit less about dominating others, then please feel free to add it to my epitaph.

What I find interesting is how often people toss around that label, bleeding heart, thinking it’s recipient is passive. Somehow less than. Perhaps even weak. I can assure you, it takes great strength to share. It takes courage to think beyond one’s self. Selfishness is easy.  Caring – that takes strength. 

So what is a bleeding heart liberal? Or at least, who is this bleeding heart liberal writing to you now? Well, dear reader, I’m not what certain media outlets and FaceBook post-bots would lead you to believe. I am a person who cares. I care about you. I care about your dreams. I care about your fears. I want you to flourish. I want you to feel secure. Not from false promises, but because you truly are.

So here’s the rub, I want that for you regardless of your color, your age, your sexual orientation, your nationality, your family structure or your mailing address zip code. Yes, there are those out there who only want those who live near them to flourish. That’s not me. I also don’t care your level of education. Most likely, many of you will far surpass that of my own. I don’t care. I have nothing to prove by dominating anyone. I don’t need to surpass anyone to feel better about who I am. Life isn’t a contest. I know who I am. And if this is what a bleeding heart liberal is, then I feel I’ve accomplished what I came into this life to accomplish. Because what it all comes down to is one thing, and one thing alone – love. And if loving you, without knowing you means my heart bleeds, then let it bleed. 

Things might feel a bit scary for some of you as of late. Anger is swirling. Division is heightened. Hell, even I feel divided. Following in the footsteps of the first bleeding heart, I too, am ready to flip some tables. 

I want you to know I’m here. With my compass still held steady. Enduring the bad days along with you. But always taking the time to step back and make sure who I am, who in me that’s showing up is still someone I feel good with. Oh, and that lover? I’m sure it’s obvious to you, dear reader, he didn’t even know me. All I can do is bless him and hope when he sits in church he starts to think of others. Kind of like Jesus, and that beautiful, glorious bleeding heart of His.

Sane

Photo Credit: Anke-Eve Goldmann is a European legend. Born in Germany on November 27, 1930, Anke-Eve defied the trends of her day and age, since she devoted so much of her life to motorcycles. Found at https://blackarrowlabel.com/blogs/journal/game-changer-1-anke-eve-goldmann

To Breathe Again

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I hadn’t expected to write tonight. But the stars shifted and the planets aligned. In other words, it’s a good day. I wouldn’t be surprised if my readers have all moved on by now. But always know this, eventually, I’ll be back. That’s how it goes when writing is your love. You never can ignore your love. It beckons you. You long for it. So, finally dear reader, I am here once again with you. Oh how glorious.

My world is just as it should be. All is dark and the music is softly playing with only the glow of my MacBook. I used to write to you while looking out on the vast horizon. I’d watch cars in the distance, miles away. Ever since moving from that one writing spot, I’ve struggled to write as I’d like. But its in my blood, it’s the one thing I always long to do. It’s what always feels right. I have to imagine its similar to how it feels when reunited with the one you love.

It’s that time again, isn’t it? We’ve reached the end of another year. I love this time. It’s as painful as it is joyous. It is the embodiment of who I am. The dichotomy of me. I am always caught between extremes. I am the one who loves to share laughter with friends, and yet, turns down side streets while walking her dog as to avoid others. I love silence. I love rooms filled with activity. I love the deepest parts of me that sit unmoved and steady. I love the parts of me that seem to stir at the slightest gust of the wind. I guess, this is why I’ve never truly felt as though I’ve fit in. Because I don’t. It took nearly five decades for me to be okay with that reality. I’ll probably spend the next few decades I have left helping others do the same. Because we should all feel good with who we are; whatever shape and style that is. It doesn’t matter. You are you for the reasons you are. Love it all. And perhaps once you do, then you’ll be less tormented and more peaceful. And isn’t that why we are all here – to enjoy the experience? If not, then why?

This time of year stirs up so much for so many. But the stirring isn’t bad. It’s a good thing, as hard as that is to believe. Do what I do, look at it. Don’t dismiss it. Don’t become it. Stay the observer. Allow the memories from your past, the good and the bad. Allow the grief of things lost. Allow the grief of things you never even had. That’s okay. Every bit of it reveals something about where you’ve been. Always good to see what’s been buried, because whether you realize it or not, you carry with you the stones you’ve tried to hide.

With every new year I take this motley mix that is me and think about who I am. I like the me that makes no sense. I’m not always sure what to do with me. But I like me. So I stand at the cusp of a new year owning every newly upturned stone, every quirky nuance, every soft emotion that sits on top of a very independent personality. I’ve gotten better at recognizing how God works through the personality that is me. And with every day I try to let the God within me show more.

For as soft-hearted as I appear, I am not such a passive player in my life. Instead, I like how it feels when I choose to trust in God; the God that moves the heavens; the God that resides within me; the God that finds its way into every song; the God that moves the seas; the God that lives within the trees. So to this new year, let us all be more okay with who we are.

I hope to be back more often in the upcoming year I will always be back, at some point. Because, eventually, I have to breathe.

Sane

To Feel the Sky

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To say that its been awhile would be quite an understatement at this point. I always miss these moments – where my words and your thoughts whisper and mingle as they do. Bliss.

This I know for certain, dear reader, Spirit lives and breathes through the world around us. And that brings me to what led to tonight’s writing. A friend asked if I had anything to write, about Northern Michigan. I thought on it for a moment, not sure what I would write. More often than not these posts are about that which heals.

Then, as It always does, Spirit waited for me to catch on. I finally did.

I’ve never felt more connected to All That Is than here; with my feet grounded and nature surrounding me. It heals. And that is exactly how I grew up in Northern Michigan.

While growing, Northern Michigan gave me continual communion, and it still does. When I need to be embraced, I look to the trees. When I need to hear the voice of God, it’s there within the wind that speaks through the pines. And of course, there’s the water. Often the water feels like that of an altar. It’s where I go to cleanse all that troubles me. Never has it let me down.

As much as I look forward to warmer climates, a part of my very being will only feel at home when smelling the leaves as they surrender to autumn’s call. I grew up with that distinct perfume. I also grew up with the smell of hot ferns as they collected on the foot pegs of my dirt bike. Something about that smell heals me. I learned to be reckless and wild on dirt roads that twisted and turned through the woods. To this day, a dirt road still makes me smile. But it was also here that I’ve healed a million broken parts within myself. Its been under a Michigan moon that I’ve howled in desperation, and also given thanks. Nothing beats the healing power of a Michigan sky. And nothing feeds the soul better than a Michigan autumn sun. Just as it signals the trees to let go for the season, it signals me to stay in harmony with the ever-changing cycle that is life. We are meant to let go. I learned that from the trees. I’ve never learned one thing from a preacher. But I’ve learned volumes from nature. No right or wrong, it’s just who I am. The water taught me to be who I am, all that I am, and I’ve never looked back since. The long Michigan winters have shared with me their truth, don’t hide your darkness. Michigan does it with grace, as well as fury. Its a time to explore that which can not be appreciated during the long days of summer. And so it goes with me.

There’s a line from one of my favorite songs, “Smell the sea and feel the sky. Let your soul and spirit fly into the mystic.” I know the smell of the water that surrounds me and the feel of the sky above me. And even though these stars accompany me wherever I go, I know, I’m at home here. There’s something primal about communing with nature. The trees absorb me. I absorb them. For me, church is when I look out and see water like glass. Or enjoy the sermon of waves raging on high and the willows that sway like a soulful gospel choir. It’s all there, if the eyes can see. And its bliss if the heart is open to feel.

So I will end this tonight with a thank you. Thank you for the invitation to write about Northern Michigan. And thank you God. You showed me, when young, that You can always be found within the trees and the water and the stars. A church to which the door is always open. All inclusive. Ever welcoming. Always answering, even my most difficult of questions. Thank you for that.

Sane

Drive Through the Night

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I remember once driving through the night. Honestly dear reader, I wasn’t just driving, I was escaping. I had everything I owned crammed into a Ryder Truck, my Acura in tow, my two year old son and mother beside me. I drove and I drove until the lights of Phoenix were far behind me. There comes a time for all of us when we have to take big steps toward freedom. Sometimes I think all I’ve done is taken big steps. At this point in the game, I’m an Olympian Pole Vaulter. But please know this, I wouldn’t change a thing.

We are all on a journey. Baby steps are just as valuable as pole vaulting. Actually, you can’t do one without having first done the other. So if you are finding yourself having to take big steps or baby steps to start something new, know that you are not alone. The one’s who don’t take those steps are those that will, most likely, be tasked with the same struggles throughout their life or perhaps in a different life. As for me, I try to stop the bad cycles when I recognize them.

One of the biggest cycles we all face is in learning to let go. Often, this means letting go of a relationship. Life is about relationships. We live an existence that is in relationship to what’s around us. Letting go of a steady paycheck can be devastating. Letting go of a much loved home is brutal. Letting go of someone you love is near crippling. Yet, there comes a time, when that is exactly what we are faced with doing. We must shift our direction, lift the energy, and in doing so, allow in something new.

And we know when its time, don’t we? In our core we know. From there, we usually fight it. I will say this, it does get easier. But I’ll also say that it never truly gets easy. Then again, I’m a tender heart. I feel things others don’t. Having said that, if I can do it, so can you.

Its okay if you notice you’re stuck. Its okay if you notice that those surrounding you don’t respect you. Its okay to realize that you took a few wrong turns along the way. Don’t judge yourself. Instead of viewing it as a set back, look at it as another step toward perfecting peacefulness. We almost never know what peace feels like until we are surrounded by the absence of it.

Its okay to take a stand. In fact, the best thing you can do for yourself is to fortify yourself with grace, look at yourself with Love and treat yourself accordingly. Often this means letting go of a few people, a few situations, a few habits. Every day is a new day to drive through the night toward making things right.

I’ve driven through the night both metaphorically and physically. Either way, it was filled with an indescribable ache, as well as an indescribable sense of freedom. With grace, let go of those things that no longer serve you. With a blessing, let go of friendships that have went beyond their season. And with a special prayer, release those mismatched loves. Both of you deserve something better.

I remember one night saying goodbye to someone that to this day I still love. As I sat in my Jeep, I felt the death. But I also felt the birth of hope for something better. Since then I’ve let go of people, places and things. It must be where I am in my journey. And I’m doing my best to move forward without too tight of a hold on anything. No map. Just my senses tuned to my core and the stars above. Now, if you’re needing to let go, do so with an open heart. Take a moment to look up and into the night sky. Breathe. Trust the Universe. It won’t let you down. Its time to shake it off and start again. Something better awaits. But it begins with you.

Sane

Judge Me Not

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We are so much more than the labels put on us or the numbers associated with our life. One’s salary, savings or lack there of. One’s house value. Years of education. Pants size, shirt size or dress size. One’s color should not put them automatically into a compartment. One’s gender should have nothing to do with how they fight, live their life or what type of partner feels most right to them. Who you are has nothing to do with the stats that may, or may not, be associated with your journey. Dear reader, can you sense how tired of judgement I am?

And yet, it’s a profoundly human reaction to judge others. To size them up and then render verdicts inside our mind about who they are and what they believe. I say the hell with that.

In starting this women’s empowerment clothing line, I’m continually coming up against other people’s ideas about what this company should be.  Often, I have to pull back, take stock of all the decisions that have brought me to this point, noting if I’ve stayed true to my core principles – No Judgement. So as I get judged, sized up and put into a box, I have a choice. Show up as my highest self or get down and dirty to prove my point.

Truth is, I don’t need to prove anything. Nor do you. Our clothing is for all women. Even women who aren’t sure if they want to associate as women. If you like it and speaks to you, wear it. If it doesn’t, that’s okay too. Just know this, I have no desire to judge either way. I know how judgement feels. I know what it feels like to have someone take one look at me and size me up, incorrectly.

It took decades to shed the labels that have been thrown on me. Even the positive ones. I don’t like anything that limits. I’m me. I fumble and bumble my way along trying, always, to be my most authentic, best self. And when the impulse arises to judge another, and it always does, I try to harness the impulse before it develops into full-blown analysis and conclusion. It gets easier. Bottom line, if I don’t know you and you don’t know me. It should always start as a clean slate. Let me show you who I am by action and deed. Truth never can stay hidden. So give it time. Then decide.

This women’s empowerment clothing line doesn’t exclude anyone. Because all women could use empowerment in one form or another. Don’t be fooled to think otherwise. And I will continue to create affirmations that speak to all women, and do my damnedest to offer clothing that works for all women. It has been one of the hardest challenges I’ve ever undertaken. It may sound easy, but manufacturers don’t cater to all women. So finding something that works with a size extra small all the way up the line, and looks beautiful and is made of good quality materials, has been enough to turn my hair silver. There is no right or wrong in my book, except for that of exclusion and judgement. And damn these manufucturers like to exclude.

So dear reader, let’s all do our part to make this world a better place by judging less and loving more. Start with you. You can’t offer to others what you can’t first offer to yourself. Try not to limit someone because of their gender, race or socioeconomic situation. Try not to judge yourself by these things as well. We are all evolving. We are all fumbling and bumbling along; some more gracefully than others, yes. But we’re all still on a journey just the same. So be open. Be kind.

Am I a single mother, twice divorced with a business bankruptcy sitting in my past? Am I a victim of rape? Do I fight like a girl? How many degrees do I hold or funds do I possess?  How do you classify me? You don’t. I’m a spiritually guided soul who is doing their best in this world. There is no label or box that could ever fit me. And that’s just the way I like it and God intended me to be. Most likely the same holds true for you.

Sane

Its Beauty is Your beauty

Hello Dear Reader

It feels like a lifetime since I’ve last whispered in your ear, dear reader. It’s an odd thing, being a writer. One would think I’d just sit down, on a whim, and write. That’s not the case. At least, it’s not for me. Instead, things have to be just right. If I have my way, the moon must be visible and shining down on me. The music must be flowing through me in such a way that we become one. And, lastly, I have to be seated behind my trusty MacBook Air. Change one thing, and anxiety washes over me and I begin to question if I know how to put anything of substance onto the page. Oh the mind, it can be our greatest ally. And so often, it can be our greatest foe.

You see, dear reader, this MacBook Air of mine that has aided me in writing numerous posts, novels and children’s stories is growing tired. I have to wait as it catches up with a mind that screams along at unsettling speeds. And as for the moon, its been awhile since I’ve had it shining down on me. One day I will have a desk that sits under the glow of its nurturing light again. But the music, it never fails me. And thank God for that. Truly.

Too much time has passed since I’ve written. A lot of life has unfurled beneath me. Too much to write about, but just know this: I am still sailing forward. I am at the helm, looking out at the horizon with wonder and delight. The waves, well, they do what they do. More often than not though, there is calm. And when I do look back and notice the the rough seas, I do so with gratitude knowing that, once again, something kept me upright. My time of having to plunge deep grows less and less.

So, if you are in the midst of underwater discoveries yourself, take heart, one day you will buoy up and with it, not only will you enjoy breathing, but you will breathe knowing who you are. There is mastery in that. Sometimes I wonder if that is why we are here; to discover who we are – and then love ourselves once we know. Love, that’s what it’s all about. But first it starts within. If you can’t love you – loving another is counterfeit. Love moves outward. The Universe rests within you. You are made of the stars. Why would Source do it any other way?

Recently, I went on a trip with my brother. We spread my father’s ashes along a small creek nestled into the side of a mountain. I watched as his physical form was embraced by the water and returned from which it came. And it felt right. Life alteringly difficult, but very, very right. I flew above my brother and I, and watched our star-dust beings return my father into its physical home. Pure. Divine. Transcendent. I hope I have as beautiful an end. In the months since I’ve been thinking a lot about the gap between the soul and the physical. There is a huge gap and yet no gap. The soul is one with everything. All the while being completely separate. I love the awe-inspiring gap. I love having one foot in this world and one foot someplace else. My awareness of this is often overwhelming. But I wouldn’t want it any other way. Its just who I am.

I love that ‘someplace else.’ It’s home to me. It is the place best described as being closer to the stars. It is the place where energy runs free. Its exhilarating. Its passionate. Its unbridled. And it is like air to me. It’s in music. Its in laughter. Its in the way our heart fills unexpectedly with emotion. And I know its seen in my eyes.

We are all so much more than we believe ourselves to be. The essence of who we are is there for the taking. If we allow ourselves to tap into it, then become it. And it is love. Love is Source and Love is all there is. It’s from where we came. And it is where we will return. So smile. Dance. Let the music flow through you. Look up and give the stars a nod. Its beauty is your beauty. Love.

Sane

 

Soundtrack:

Mondo Cozmo – Shine

MISSIO – Middle Fingers

Van Morrison – Into The Mystic

The Strumbellas – We Don’t Know