You Showed Me

Clara Bow in “The Wild Party” (1929), directed by Dorothy Arzner, part of the series “Dames, Janes, Dolls and Canaries.”Credit…via The Museum of Modern Art Film Stills Archive

I went to the beach today. It took a long time to find a spot to park my truck. Its not small. After much searching, I found it. I was able to pull in to an end space with ample room to back out. No one on my left side, and plenty of room to my right. All was well. 

Until I returned. Finding a white napkin slid under my wiper with a very crude message written in pink highlighter, accompanied with a heart drawn for snide emphasis. I assure you dear reader, my parking was not affecting anyone. And yet, this person, decided to take time from their day and leave me a message. I am guessing, they made assumptions about me. I don’t believe they liked the size of my truck. Little do they know my truck is not for show. Its necessary to haul me and my nest around while I explore the eastern coast. But its purpose doesn’t matter. It was not encroaching upon anyone.

I won’t lie. My first thoughts were not kind. After all, I am my father’s daughter. Then I quickly said, “what the fuck?” Then I ruminated. I am human. Rumination happens. I thought about the effort it took this person. Then I thought how awful their current mind space must be to write notes even when they haven’t been impacted. Simply put, my presence bothered them. And they wanted to let me know. They didn’t want to confront me. They wanted to release something within themselves onto me. And that’s what I thought about the most. 

I thought about how that’s what so many are doing right now. Releasing their negativity onto others. As if all of the dread and unhappiness they feel within themselves can no longer be contained and must be channeled outward. 

I believe we aren’t just what we say. We are what we do. We can never disconnect from our actions. Our actions are a direct reflection of something within ourselves. And, oh how our actions speak loud. I don’t believe people realize how much of themselves they reveal to others. But through our actions we lift the veil. Full exposure. They aren’t exposing others however, as they often hope. They are exposing themselves. We always are. 

I rolled into Target still bothered by the odd non-encounter, when I saw a man with his two dogs and sign simply stating, “Hungry. Please help.” He will never know that he was placed there for me. In addition to grabbing the few items I needed, I gathered up items for him and his dogs. I hustled back to where he was only to find him gone. But I knew I needed to locate him, so I asked for help from All That Is, and before too long there he was. I handed off the bag and accepted his appreciation with a smile. I wanted him to know that – I see him. He isn’t invisible.

Someone went out of their way to place negativity onto me. Or at least, to try. It was up to me what I did with it. Sometimes I handle things well. Sometimes I don’t. Today, I chose to use it as a catalyst to push me to do something out of the way, plain and simple nice for someone. So thank you negative note writer. You reminded me of how important it is to go out of my way to be kind. And how important it is to stop and transform negativity into something better. Little do you know, but your actions helped someone today.

Sane

Valentine’s Wish

Marilyn by George Barris, 1962.

I hope you feel love today, dear reader. Quite honestly, I hope you feel love every day. I hope love for yourself resides within your being. During life’s ups and down, whether alone or amongst a group – I hope you feel it for yourself. Yes, that is what I wish for you this Valentine’s Day. 

Life happens. People come and go. But you, well, you take yourself with you wherever you go. So the best thing you can do is feel deep resounding, completely non judgmental love for yourself. That’s not as easy as it sounds. We get caught up in the external. We want confirmation of our value. To be loved by another is a profound feeling. But its temporary.

We can’t accept love from another if we don’t yet feel it for ourselves. I’ve had great loves. I have also had the most empty relationships imaginable, hidden under the guise of love. It happens. I believe it happens to many of us. I believe there’s something to be gained from those experiences – all of them. Even the ones that turned my world upside down. We learn who we are in those moments more than almost any other time in our life experience. I wish they felt better. I wish they were easier, and yet if they were they wouldn’t serve their purpose. 

I feel there’s something to be learned about ourselves in every moment. Why something hurt us the way it did. Why something disappointed us so deeply. When all is said and done, if we choose, we can walk away knowing more deeply who we are because of those tumultuous experiences. I often say it’s who we are and who stands with us in the rain that matters most. I believe that. I believe it’s in the rain that we discover who we are. I love sunny skies. But, when it comes to making peace with our inner being – no other experience allows for that more than when the rain is pouring down. 

So this Valentine’s Day, I’d like to recommend to my fellow umbrella seekers, to treat yourselves in the most delicious way you can imagine. And come to terms with all of the ups and downs held within your heart. Please know I have had some downs. Some completely outside of my control. But I’ve also had ups that exceeded my expectations. They are all there, like threads in the tapestry that is my life. I need to be okay with each thread. I moved through those moments and those moments moved through me. I will never be able to separate myself from them. Nor can you. With love and non judgment look at them. 

The next thing I ask is for you to savor how beautiful you are. Set aside any self loathing. Set aside the impulse to compare yourself to others. And contemplate for a moment that within you resides a very special glow; a glint from the stars from which you came. No one – no one – has that same glint. Its yours. So wear it well. Yes you are the sum of your life experiences, but your are so much more. Own your tapestry. But remember, you are not your tapestry. You are the keeper of your history. But that’s all it is. History. Good and bad. You are the glint. You are the stars, crushed into dust and made into the most exquisite, unique person. And that is the person I love. So smile. Dance. Savor. And remember, no one can love you better than you.

Sane.

Change of Plans

Good evening, dear reader. I’m here. Only now I’m writing under a moon that shines onto towering oaks draped in Spanish moss. You see, I decided I needed to make some changes. This change was completely under my control. And it felt good. But it comes on the heels of a lifetime of change that always felt beyond me – as if a force was flicking my life like a toy; watching it spin. For what spiritual reason I can’t say. To test me. To see how I would respond. To see who would show up within me. To give me an opportunity for growth. Perhaps all the above. And I did. 

But there’s something about that kind of change that can really get to a person after awhile. That’s the thing with growth. The taller the stem, the stronger it needs to be to stand. And all of that sounds wonderful conceptually and philosophically, but it can be a bit rough in the undertaking. And yet, here I am. And here you are. Still standing. Still growing. Still slaying dragons and overcoming. 

In retrospect I’ve been able to make sense out of most all of the challenges that have come my way. Oh but I wish so many of them weren’t necessary. So I spent the day reflecting on why. Why is it necessary. I walked the ocean and let the brisk breeze speak. And They said, yes. But let us tell you why.

It’s not so much the challenge. Its who we are in those moments. What and who shows up within us. These things we perceive as punishment aren’t punishment at all. Its part of the deal of living on this spiritual plane and whether we understand it or not or remember it or not, which we don’t, we knew it before we emerged. 

This brought me little comfort. So I went deeper. Why is it we must lose things of value. Why do we sometimes have to let go. Their reply: It depends. Sometimes it has nothing to do with us, but it still provides an opportunity for expansion. Sometimes it’s because what we held onto was holding us back. There are times when the very roots we create under the belief of ensuring stability are the ones that tie us down. In other words, the reason varies greatly.

Life will change. Just when everything is set in place. Just when all our plans have been carefully crafted. It happens to us all. Sometimes we are the one who get to spin things and completely pull up roots. And maybe that’s what we need to do every now and again. Something out of the norm. Something unexpected, unplanned. Sometimes we need to remind ourselves that we aren’t as passive as we believe. And the calendar is a tool, it holds no guarantee. So take stock of how you feel now. What’s working. What’s not. What is it you’ve been waiting to do. And maybe you can’t do all that you want just yet. That’s okay. Take baby steps. Tiny little increments that have a way of shifting your vibration dramatically.

So whether you’ve changed your plans or Life has changed them for you – keep walking. I’ll be walking with you.

Sane

PS I’ve decided to take the next year to live a nomadic life. Thus far I have explored the peculiar islands lining the Georgia coast, stared at an armadillo, had lunch with some wild horses. Caught a wicked bout of covid. Had my tarot cards read in Savannah. Got pulled over by a Georgia State Trooper. And met an exceptional person who reminded me that we shouldn’t wait on life.

You Are Love

I’m a victim of rape. Did you know that about me, dear reader? It’s one of the most heinous and evil violations done to another. Far beyond a legal crime, it’s a crime against humanity. There is the physical act, but there is also the spiritual karma generated; an energy interaction that transcends the physical. Causing a wound that takes enormous fortitude to heal. But, like all wounds – it can heal.

It must be part of my soul’s journey, that my healing process be long, deep and hard. As healing this part within myself was that, and more. Yet, for all that was taken from me, I have given back to myself ten fold. And Source has given back to me a hundred fold. This I know to be true.

If there is a purpose within such an act, I feel it is that we use it to help those who have endured similar. You see, dear reader, I understand far more than I let on. I understand what it feels like to be hurt beyond heart-break. I know the walk to heal a broken soul. I know the battle to overcome shame. I know how it feels to have someone steal a part of who you are. Abuse is abuse. It is a crushing blow that can cripple you until your final day.

I don’t believe in happenstance. I believe events happen for a reason. I may die not having understood them all. But it was after this event that I began to see within people. I began to see their soul. And although this has been a bitter gift at times, I still wouldn’t trade it.

More than anything, it blossomed in me a level of compassion for the abused and disempowered that, to this day, is the basis of my spiritual world. Yet the flower had already been growing. People may damn their unstable upbringings. But for me, mine birthed a flower that became a soul that feels most at home deep within the world that sits just behind the one our human mind sees. I suppose it entered knowing it was destined for such a journey, and I know that I know that it was pleased with what it saw coming. Not because the events would be joyful. But because they were necessary if ever I were to fulfill my purpose. And that purpose is to be an example of love. And often that love stands in the face of all that love is not.

The times I have acted in love amidst the absence of love is numerous. I could damn God for such experiences. Having done so, I know what I would hear, “The example needs to be shown to those who most need to see it.” I live for the moments where I bear witness to love.

Tonight I’m sitting with a nice Côtes du Rhône, good chocolate and good music. I’m sitting with candles lit and I’m peacefully, and sometimes tearfully, reflecting on my life. I’m allowing God to unearth in me all that needs my attention. Things that make me smile. Things that make me cry. Both have value. I’m taking stock of how I’ve done thus far. Life is an endless cycle of opportunities. We are confronted with people of all kinds, carrying out deeds good and bad. Sometimes we become the victim. But later, we get the chance to see that we became a survivor. The Good Book says not to hide one’s light. That light is your truth. It is your hero’s journey. Share it. Help another to heal. Help another feel less alone. If you share your bumpy story, then another will feel less judgmental about their own. That is love.

Love who you are, my friend. You’ve been through a lot. And sometimes it doesn’t feel as though it will ever end. Just remember, you are loved. All the things that have been done to you, are not who you are. Who you are is determined by what you have done in the face of those things. Someone tried to take something from me. They succeeded. And it took years to heal. It took years of nurturing. But, for everything they took, I’ve added. My love is more tender, more authentic, more steadfast and true. Its raw and its nuanced and its spiritual beyond words. I remember ever baby step and every far reach it took to get here. I remember ever muscle ache and bit of fatigue. Not to mention how life looks when brought continually onto one’s knees, surrendered in prayer. With every agonizing bit of growth came a feathery soft, encompassing hug from heaven. Every pivotal event in my life has caused me to discover something new about myself.

To this day I cry as softly and delicately as I laugh. When I make love, heaven joins me. When I speak, something sometimes pushes my voice aside to share a deeper truth. When I look upon this world, I see the profound beauty mixed with actions that show how dark people can be. Within a person’s eyes, I see their soul and I see their struggles. I see their truth and I see their lies.

I was eighteen when someone broke into my garden, and tried to take the beautiful flowers within me. Little did they know, those flowers had roots. And once the rain had time to pour down and the sun had time to shine, the flowers returned. So remember, dear reader, I understand. Life can be brutal. But you are strong. And within you is everything you need to blossom. No one can take that away. No one can take away Who You Are. Only you have that level of power.

Sane

Written while listening to: Into the Mystic by Van Morrison (if ever I marry again, this will be my wedding song) and We Don’t Know by the Strumbellas.

Who Shows Up

“Hurt people hurt people. That’s how pain patterns get passed, generation after generation after generation. Break the chain today. Meet anger with sympathy, contempt with compassion, cruelty with kindness. Greet grimaces with smiles. Forgive and forget about finding fault. Love is the weapon of the future.” ~ Yehuda Berg

I feel one of the most vital lessons within one’s spiritual practice is to become aware of who shows up within ourselves. And life, being the gracious host to our spiritual development that it is, provides us ample encounters by which to meet who does.

It is one thing to sit in meditation and express soft words of praise to God and all of humanity while alone. It is a completely different thing to offer such kindness when met with the many individuals who make up humanity. We aren’t here to solely be kind to those who are kind to us, even if such a thing fills our heart immensely. People like that, I look at as nourishment. They help fill me and prepare me for those who drain my heart and challenge my kindness.

People will enter our life that do both, fill us and drain us, challenge and empower us. Both serve a purpose. They allow us to see who we are inside. Who is buried under our physical shell. Our heart is revealed by how we treat others.

When we want to know who we are, look first at who shows up within yourself when met with Life. Do you step out of your own mind, with all of its many judgements and stories and validations, to be open and kind? Do you try? Or do you let yourself off the hook with a reason why you can’t? Life gives us countless opportunities to bring to Light who we truly are. And as much as it might seem as though it is doing this to show others who we are, I don’t believe it is. I believe it’s to show us who we are. If you are like me, dear reader, you may not always like who shows up. Its part of the process. Its the only way for us to finally deal with all that rests within. But, it’s what we do with what we see, that matters. Once you begin to pay attention, you will see how the hand of Spirit is trying to bring everything within you out and into the Light. That is the only way you will ever fully know who you are, and make all of your fragmented pieces part of the greater whole. And from there, you can live wholeheartedly. Not because you have vanquished parts of yourself that seemed rotten. No. Instead, you brought them into the Light and healed what was once very dark. You learned from it. You healed it. And then took this newly healed and enlightened part of yourself and returned it to the fold.

When I am at a loss as to how to behave. When it feels like everyone I meet is ‘causing’ me pain, disappointment or just plain frustration, I try to hit pause. Then, I try to be who I would want showing up for me. I try to be for them, and for the world, who I would like to see. This may or may not change the situation in front of me. But I’m not doing it for that purpose. I am doing it so that I can, at the very least, be true to myself and offer the world a mirror that reflects Love. Showing the world a wholehearted mirror is not easy. In fact, its one of the most painful experiences of my life. But it is also deeply rewarding. Because every now and again, it is reflected back to me. And that is bliss.

So dear reader, as you go about your long weekend, and life unfolds its multitude of experiences in the guise of people, places and things – notice who shows up within you. And remember: Be who you want to see. Be kind. Be patient. Be supportive. Be Love.

Sane

Rev Your Engine

Let’s start the weekend with this thought: Take good care of your mind. Love it. Cherish it. Tend to it. Then use it. Now, I know what you are saying, dear reader. Wasn’t it just a few days ago that I advised you to give that nasty voice within your mind the middle finger – yes. Yes, I did. Why then would I now be saying to care for something so menacing; is it good or is it bad? It is neither. Yet, at any given moment it has the potential to be the instrument for either. Confused? Don’t be. Spiritual teachers dating throughout the ages have always stated, “The mind is both the liberator and the jailor.” I believe this with all my heart – and mind.

Let’s look at it like this, your mind is a car. The car is yours. Your Higher Self owns the car. It’s a vehicle that’s intended and sole purpose is to help get you where you are meant to go while on this planet. Some people obsess over the looks and performance capabilities of their car – yet never really take it anywhere. Then there are those who completely neglect their car – complaining when it fails along the way. And then there are the majority who use their car repeatedly; carrying out the same trips over and over, hardly noticing that the car is doing so.

Now imagine you are traveling down a road, one that you travel every day. You know each bump and curve. Suddenly, you find yourself in the trees. When asked what happened you foggily reply, “I have no idea. The car just veered off the road. Now I’m over here. I must have been meant to be in the trees.” You would never say that, of course. Instead you would stop everything and ask yourself why the car shot off the road and into the ditch. And as you mulled it over you would then remember how the wheel had been tugging as of late. With every use you were having to counter the tug, to the point where you felt strain in your forearm. But, you were too busy to take it in for an alignment. After all, you had to get to work, or pick up the kids, or get home in time for your favorite show or glass of chardonnay. You had gotten so familiar with the tug that it almost felt natural.

But it wasn’t natural. And your car was trying to tell you so. The car was beginning to suffer from your neglect. Like the car, your mind tries to tell you when you are veering off course. In fact, your whole body tries to tell you. Your chakras, or for those who are unfamiliar with energy centers, your gut and heart and head, among other significant points along the energy pathway that dwells within and around you, sends out almost immediate and increasingly strong messages, all the time. Generally, people override those, too.

Life, as well as your body and your mind are conspiring to assist you – always. Problem is, we go numb to the input; we marginalize it and bury it. Then when we find ourselves in the trees we blame God or the Heavens for having forsaken us. We forsake us. We let the car drive us right off our path and into the trees because we fail to use the great gift that is the mind to Liberate us. Yes, resting on the other side of that nasty voice is a tool that helps us find Freedom. Peace. Love.

When you captain the mind, amazing things begin to happen. Trust me. However, dear reader, after years of letting the car drive all over the place of its own accord – it takes great vigilance and strength to commander the wheel. In fact, at first it almost feels as though there is no wheel to hold. I assure you, there is. You may have to dig through the rubbish that you have unwittingly allowed to accumulate in the driver’s seat before you can locate it. But it’s there. Keep digging. You will be utterly shocked by all the old wrappers, receipts and pieces of trash you’ve allowed to build up in there. But beneath it all, is this awesome car. This awesome vehicle that was given unto you for a purpose – take good care of it. Give it a tune up, fill it with nourishing fuel (yes, this means turning off junk television, walking away from trash talking people and opting for healthier foods. There’s no way around it, as we become that with which we surround ourselves). Then, every morning, take the time to align. Balance and center yourself. You and the car become one. And, in not so much time as you might fear, you get to drive right out of the trees, back onto the road and reach higher heights. Heights you were intended to reach. Then, as the mind gets better, the road gets better. Then your reality gets better. Life gets better. But it starts with you taking the wheel.

Sane

Fuck the Dark Voice

I’ve always found it odd how happiness doesn’t fuel my writing. Instead, the voice of wisdom tends to hit the page during times of turmoil, frustration or sadness. Not that the voice is these things. The voice is always steady, and embodies Love. But there’s something about those emotions that seems to work as a muse that nudges me to write. Due to such, here I am.

I have a few frustrations and disappointments encircling me. One involves a situation from which I’m having to step back. Truthfully, this is being done out of love; for myself and for the other. As a friend and as a spiritual healer, my motives have been called into question. A heartbreaking accusation, to say the least. I stood by my friend through thick and thin. But, these words can’t be undone. The hurt is near breathtaking.

If anything, I’m going to let the wicked words be the fuel that helps further bring forth Love and Light. Its my personal way of giving the Darkness a rowdy middle finger.

People have misconceptions about those of us called Light Workers. We come in all shapes and sizes and personalities. But we are human. We have feelings. We wrestle with the same grit as those who aren’t healers. And some of us, have enough piss and vinegar inside of us that we could easily, yet unintentionally, bowl you over. What I find the most entertaining is how Source has called forth some of its most testy healers, and imbued them into a human frame and energy that embodies a deep filter of Love. Meaning, we love with strength. We aren’t easily swayed or fooled. Something that pisses off ego more than I can say. But, we see the Light within, and because of that, we stay put. Until…we can’t.

This has been one of the things I’ve loved most about myself. When I love, I do so with steadfast determination and with a fierceness that can go to battle. Those closest to me know that I will and have walked through fire for those I love. I don’t want a pat on the back. What fills me is knowing that I aided someone during a dark, dark time.

I can’t turn off the voice that whispers words of wisdom, nor do I any longer try. It’s odd, but its me. I’ve learned how to distinguish its voice from that of my own. And at forty-six years of age I’ve learned that I can trust that voice better than I can trust the voice of any person. It’s never forsaken me. My job is to learn how to speak what that voice says – with Love. But sometimes what that voice wants shared is not the easiest to say. I guess, in part, that’s why I’m here. To share words that help heal and empower, but to do so with fierce Love. I surrender to that calling each and every morning. It’s who I am and I am humbled and honored. But don’t mess with me.

We all have such a backup. We all have such an inner power. We’re all here with purpose. Hell isn’t something you experience when dead, it’s here within your mind while alive. It’s the voice that lives and breathes in blame and shame and hurtful words. Its the voice that smears those who have stood beside you, then when they’ve been pushed far enough away, it turns its attacks on you. Where is heaven, then? Oh, dear reader, its right here, right now. Heaven is the peace of knowing you aren’t owned by that voice of doubt, any longer. Heaven is knowing your mind no longer turns all that is good into something bad. You step into heaven as soon as you take over what is inherently yours; your life. You never get to wield your inherently divine power over your life while hovering in a negative space.

People have this idea about spiritual healers. They see them as wisps that can be easily walked over due to their calling. Or are airy fairy and use woo woo sticks to connect to Mother Earth. Nothing could be further from the truth. True, they endure more than many could. But, they do so because of their purity of intention. They are sustained by the knowing that they are helping another find their way.

Sometimes healers look like what you would imagine, and then you have ones that look like me. Sometimes they ride Harleys and love the thrill of speed. We will tell you the truth like no one else. You can also count on us, like no one else. But believe you me, they can and will tell you to go fuck yourself. Not because they don’t love you, but because they do. But for the most part, they sit and wait. And when you’re ready, they remind you of your worth and that there’s much work to do, so get going. You aren’t alone.

As for me, I’m going to grieve, breathe and recharge, then let the Divine restore me. Then I will return to what the Universe has me do – help empower those who have forgotten how powerful they are. Not ego power. But Divine grace that rests within each and every one of us. You are amazing. Pitch the lens of fear. And look at the world through the lens of Love. Then you will see that life has been trying to work with you, not against you. Oh, and dear reader, if you find yourself wondering if you are listening to the voice of Love or the voice of egoic fear, ask yourself how you feel. If you feel good – completeness from within – that’s Love. If you feel dreadful, there’s a good chance its the voice of fear. Fear sits at the polar end of Love. You have my permission to give that voice the middle finger.

Sane

Solid Ground

Looking for perfection in life or love, is futile, as far as I’m concerned. What matters to me isn’t whether things are perfect, what matters is that things are becoming whole and complete. Wholeness is when we have finally arrived at the place within ourselves when our pendulum doesn’t swing so much. This can only happen with balance. And balance requires a level foundation.

I remember when I looked at the foundation of who I was. I saw holes. I grew up within a family dynamic that left gaping holes and obstacles over which I had to continually leap. I have many good memories of my youth. Yet, even during the good times, there was a knowing that was ever-present within me. I knew that, at any moment, those good times would end. The floor would open or a curve ball would come our way. Long after becoming an adult, I continued to build a similar road, as it was the only road I’d ever known. Instead of my father laying the bricks, each was put into place by me. It took a long time for me to see and understand this. Even more time was required before I found the courage and wherewithal to take ownership of my own journey.

Numerous catalysts have been brought my way. I know now that each was brought by the hand of God, with hopes of causing me to work on those things within me that needed attention. I had to step back and lift pieces of concrete that I’d stood upon for decades. Even though cracked and slanted, they were familiar. I was skilled at standing askew. We adjust to our own dysfunction over time. We learn to squint through a shaded lens and we choreograph our world so that it dances around our pain. It takes courage to rebuild. But I can assure you this, you will never regret having done so. Nothing is worse than being held prisoner within yourself when you are not whole. Sleeping next to your pain center, is a tragic thing.

I’ve come a long way since lifting that first broken part of myself. It gets easier as one moves along. And the only person I’m aiming to please is me. I own every flaw and quirk, every stroke of brilliance and every wry joke that sits at the end of an otherwise profound statement. I decided I liked these things about myself. So instead of pitching them, I chose to keep them. Starting anew does not mean one must replace everything. It means that you take the time to fix what’s broken, heal and let go of what no longer serves, and bring to light those parts of yourself that delight you. I display my soft, philosophical side right alongside that of my mischievous humor. Even some of my most broken pieces of foundation from my youth have been kept by me. I healed them. Then returned them to their place. What was once part of a pain center is now part of what heals. It was up to me how I wanted to rebuild. I decided to find beauty in some of my most vulnerable areas; areas that may seem like flaws to some. When someone looks into my eyes or reads my words, these truths are what shine through. I won’t ever get it done. And that is fine with me. I like that every time I turn around I see this motley mix of a construction that offers the best of me.

Dear reader, think about your foundation. Think about all that rests inside of you, and how it represents you. Think about what it is you stand upon each and every day. It is your house, your foundation and your walls, after all. As for me, my home has a few cozy nooks in which I like to curl. But for the most part, it has large open windows that allow for an unencumbered view. And I like it that way.

Do not get defeated if the process takes time. Because, it will. You aren’t pitching a tent. You are building a fortress, and that fortress is as much a gift to yourself as it is a gift to others. Go for structural integrity.

Sane

Freedom Through Awareness

Give yourself the gift of freedom. Know the part of you that tries to speak over the voice of Source. Know the part of you that tries to tie you down. In other words, know your demons. They accompany you wherever you go. And they’re not there by happenstance. Believe me, dear reader, few things are more empowering than staring straight-on at that which tries to hold you down.

I’ve come to know that these demons that I once felt certain held me captive, are in truth, the helpers toward my freedom. For the point of this writing, I’ve called them demons. But only because they rest on the back side of Love, God and Source. You can’t ignore the shadow side. It doesn’t work that way. But by awareness, the shadow no longer stands in the way of the Light. Instead, it helps point us toward the Light. Think of it this way: how can one know True North, without recognizing south upon their compass?

Darkness being as uncomfortable as it is, one could reason that its best to ignore it all together. But I’d advise against it. Instead, sit down with it. Ask why it’s there. Subjugate through awareness. See it for what it is – a shadow of your Higher Self – that which rests at the other end of your full potential. Use it as a gauge that reveals your alignment with Source. Are you walking with the arrow that points toward True North, your Higher Self, or against. We always feel it when we walk against the arrow, don’t we? It feels absolutely rotten, alone and empty. It feels as if we are turning away from all that is good. We suddenly feel lost. And it feels that way for a reason.

There are times when these inner forces spring to life, and lean toward overpowering. But if you know the demon well, then you know its ways. And you are less likely to be caught off guard by that which you know, than by that which you do not.

I learned that these shadow aspects of, who I am, have the same value as those parts of me that seem to shine so bright. My journey made more sense once I listened to what my demons had to say; what it is I feared the most; what it is that had the ability to keep me up throughout the night. Rarely now am I knocked off-balance. Not because the hits are fewer; but because I’ve learned to look with full awareness at the compass Source gave me.

I could say that life would be easier sans these inner tormenters. But freedom never feels the same unless first imprisoned. The exhale given once turned back in the right direction is deeper and fuller due to having known the struggle to breathe while lost. Demons are often the most profound inner teachers we have along life’s journey. Mine are there for a reason; chances are, yours are too. Stop running from them. Stop misreading them. Instead, look at them. Look at where they are leading you. Then turn around, grab the key that has always been in your hand. Open the door, and set yourself free.

Sane

 

Today Is a Good Day

Those closest to me know that I have been hard at work over the last year developing something that felt pressed upon me by Source in such a way that I couldn’t ignore it, even if I wanted to. Fortunately, I didn’t want to. Helping others see within themselves that which they can’t yet see is a deep passion of mine. I can’t say I asked for this passion. As often its a rather muddy endeavor. But like most things brought to us by the Divine, even the hardships are surrounded by Love and Light and a certain beauty that brightens the darkest of days. So I pressed on.

Today marks the official opening of my women’s clothing company, Rebel Spirit Empowerment from Within. The world feels better when we believe in ourselves. And because we are all One, how we feel about who we are, and our part in this whole thing we call life – matters.

Each of us plays a role in the health of the whole. And no one can overpower our free-will. It is up to us to decide how we view the world around us. But what is most important is how we view ourselves. Because it is through that filter that we view the world. When we feel abandoned inside, we view the world through the ache of loneliness. When we are broken within, and left unhealed, we view the world through those shattered pieces. In the end, we live viewing our world through a distorted lens.

It needn’t be that way. The world will always possess the dichotomy by which it is made. It must. We must have both extremes. We would not be able to grow by way of continual Higher choices if we were not given the chance to choose what serves the spirit versus what serves the ego. So try not to wish for a world filled with only sunshine. Instead, heal your lens. Then you will be able to view the beauty that rests in the dark.

Love yourself. Believe in yourself. You are here with a purpose. You have great value and great beauty within you. I see it. But it wasn’t always that way. I couldn’t see it until my own lens was valued. I was given a choice. I could keep seeing the world through the brokenness within me, or I could set about to love each and every shard. I chose the latter. And out of that I got down on my knees and began to piece together the All of Me. I love the mosaic I now see. What once were flaws are now pieces that fit perfectly into the backdrop that surrounds me. I own them. Those moments were hard. But they made me into who I am today. I have great empathy due to them.

So, you see, its time we start looking inward. Instead of pointing outward and blaming others for why we are the way we are – its time to start looking inward. But doing so with great love and tenderness for how you got where you are. The greatest love affair you will ever have is the one you have with yourself. All other relationships mirror how you love – you.

Dear reader, today is a good day to start loving who you are.

Sane