What Do You Believe

What do you believe? It’s an important question to ask yourself. Because whether you are aware of it or not, your beliefs determine much of your journey.

I remember one time, sitting with my mother. I had recently given her a powerful book to read. The book had within it many spiritual truths. Underpinnings as to our power, and how it controls much of our life. It spoke of the importance of, not just our words, not just our thoughts – but our beliefs. The thought behind the thought. My mother closed the book, handed it back to me and said, “Well, the hell with that.”

I’ve always appreciated my mother’s straightforwardness. Even when what she was saying was something I didn’t want to hear. My mother instantly knew that she was not the master of her beliefs. More so, she knew her deepest beliefs were not ones of a positive nature. The fears within her had become her beliefs. It’s like that for many of us. But never underestimate the contrast and challenges Life brings before you. Because each one offers a chance to confront one’s beliefs, and either walk forward in them or to see them for what they are; to see how they have been holding us back.

There is a powerful Sufi phrase regarding communication. But I feel it’s valuable, not just during communication with others, but also, for communication within ourselves. Sufi’s teach that there are three filters through which our thoughts should travel before being spoken: Is it true. Is it necessary. Is it kind. It’s the first filter that I’d like you to focus on as you move through your weekend. Is it true. To answer that one must first know what they believe. You almost always know what you believe once you take note of what rises within yourself when confronted with contrast or challenge, regardless of what we say or do outwardly.

My mother was very aware of what bubbles up from within herself. Fear. A life spent in fear had worn her down considerably. Some of the fear was inflicted upon her from outside sources. From there her inner fear grew stronger. Before long she viewed the world through a fear-shaded lens. Getting control over one’s own beliefs, owning them, healing them, then managing them – feels like an insurmountable task, at times. It did for my mother. It is the key to freedom, however. It is the key that unlocks one’s own power. It is the vital step that places us firmly in alignment with All That Is.

I won’t even begin to tell you, dear reader, that it is easy. It’s not. Life is a journey, whether you are cognizant of why you are here. You can either get run over by life. Or help lay the foundation that creates the road. You don’t get to control every turn. You don’t get to control every hill. Your Higher Self has you here doing things that are meant to develop your soul in ways from which your shadow self will always try to run and your mind will struggle to understand. But once you know your beliefs, things become clearer. Once you have mastery of the thought behind the thought, you look at the curve and see why it’s been placed before you. That is what alignment does – it lessens the fear of what’s around the corner and allows us to see things we couldn’t see before. Your beliefs matter. They tell you almost everything about your soul’s development.

Do you believe the Universe is conspiring to help or hurt you, to support or to penalize you? Do you believe that help is always there for you, just when you need it or that you will be left to suffer alone. Either way, you will get what you believe.

Believe in Love, dear reader. Believe it. Be it. See it.

Sane

And, Before All Else

“Faith goes before; understanding follows after.” A great theologian believed this, and so do I. Believing after the fact is simple. Believing before the manifestation has presented itself, is not. And yet, faith requires such.

You are the artist of your own life’s portrait, I believe. I also believe each of us has more power than we know; more power than even Saint Augustine knew 15,000 years ago when he made that statement. To me life is a combination effort. At times I have waited on God. At times God has waited on me. And when I choose not to take an active part in the creation of my life, things become stagnant. I become stagnant. The paint upon my canvas dries, and the picture stays incomplete.

Pick the size of your canvas. Choose the colors. Paint with wild abandon or with careful precision. Just paint. We don’t have to understand the unfolding, just have faith that it will unfold. Don’t give up. Don’t doubt due to a lack of understanding. Faith needs no understanding. Often understanding hinders faith. If we look only to the left, because our understanding knows only that direction, then we will miss what may very well be arriving to the right. The universe utilizes all things, not just those of which we are aware and are familiar.

It isn’t easy painting within yourself an image that lies in bright contrast to one’s reality. And I would be remiss if I did not admit that at times I have had to turn away from my own canvas as it pained me too greatly to see the dissonance between what was wanted and what was. But always, when ready I pick up the brush again, dab it into Cerulean Blue, and move across the canvas with broad strokes. God allows us these moments. And I have faith that during which this benevolent force keeps me afloat.

We must step back from the canvas of our life at times. We owe ourselves as much. Not to scrutinize but to survey. At times we swipe out something that no longer suits us, and start over. Sometimes we add onto what is already in place. Its our canvas, and I believe God is pleased when we do this. My God is not one of dominance. My God is not one of judgment. My God wants to explore this world through the vehicle that is me. No one will experience the world in the same way. And that, in my opinion, is what the soul us up to, what God is up to: Exploration, expression through all of us.

Paint the life for yourself that makes you smile. Don’t sell yourself short. You need not understand how things will come together; just have faith they will. It will not work unless you do. Your job is to keep believing, and to take action when the time is right. Keep the faith. Keep the essence of that which you want held firmly within your mind, your heart, and your inner being. You are energy. And energy fuels the universe. Energy does not require of us to understand its ways. Faith comes first, that’s the mechanics of energy.

Sane

Originally published, July 2013

The Ledge

There comes a time when everyone finds themselves standing on the ledge; whether there by life’s continual push or by way of one’s own feet. Regardless of the how, there you are, standing on the edge, looking down.

In that moment, take a deep breath, push down on your heels, and straighten your stance. Lift your head, dear reader, and look out. I realize the dialogue in your head is telling you to keep your eyes directed downward. I understand that your resolve is weak. And I know that in moments like these, when you feel your feet shifting, you are convinced of an imminent fall. Your hands slide against the wall in search of safety, only to find there’s nowhere to grip. And the open window behind you doesn’t allow for you to lean back. Without question, you are convinced you’re alone.

Please know, you are not alone. And that dialogue in your head, may be the words you are being pushed to hear. Sometimes we are brought to the edge solely to view those things within us that keep us from utilizing our full faith. Listen. Your fears are screaming. But they are also revealing your secret obstacles. This is a crucial place. As, now you know what stands between you and your dreams.

And that wall that feels impersonal and cold. It isn’t. It is the pillar of your soul and it is strong. It won’t crumble. Instead it will provide for you a firm place to stand whether you are out on the ledge, or resting peacefully within. You don’t need to hold on because this place will always provide the platform needed to stand with arms open wide. If there were handles you’d be inclined to hold tight. Your soul wants only for you to let go. So let go. Trust. Have faith.

And that open window, it is the window to your inner self. It is open and waiting. So lean into it. Allow yourself to close down every now and again to all outward influences. Go inward. That open window is your safety net; when you are ready, fall back.

And if you fear that you will slip; know that there is nowhere for you to go, as the pillar travels with you. And that abandonment that haunts you, it is an illusion. You are never alone. It is impossible for you to be disconnected from God even during your worst moments. God is you, and you are an extension of God. So stand on that ledge and notice how you got there. Listen to those words, they will empower you. You will discover the purpose behind the journey of your soul. You may not like what you hear but it is the area within you that your soul wants to push through.

Now – stand still for a moment, and look out. Spread your arms. Feel the Universe as its gentle breeze moves across your body. You are that very Universe. Your soul is quite excited to be you. Smile. Breathe deep. You’ve got this.

Sane

Rev Your Engine

Let’s start the weekend with this thought: Take good care of your mind. Love it. Cherish it. Tend to it. Then use it. Now, I know what you are saying, dear reader. Wasn’t it just a few days ago that I advised you to give that nasty voice within your mind the middle finger – yes. Yes, I did. Why then would I now be saying to care for something so menacing; is it good or is it bad? It is neither. Yet, at any given moment it has the potential to be the instrument for either. Confused? Don’t be. Spiritual teachers dating throughout the ages have always stated, “The mind is both the liberator and the jailor.” I believe this with all my heart – and mind.

Let’s look at it like this, your mind is a car. The car is yours. Your Higher Self owns the car. It’s a vehicle that’s intended and sole purpose is to help get you where you are meant to go while on this planet. Some people obsess over the looks and performance capabilities of their car – yet never really take it anywhere. Then there are those who completely neglect their car – complaining when it fails along the way. And then there are the majority who use their car repeatedly; carrying out the same trips over and over, hardly noticing that the car is doing so.

Now imagine you are traveling down a road, one that you travel every day. You know each bump and curve. Suddenly, you find yourself in the trees. When asked what happened you foggily reply, “I have no idea. The car just veered off the road. Now I’m over here. I must have been meant to be in the trees.” You would never say that, of course. Instead you would stop everything and ask yourself why the car shot off the road and into the ditch. And as you mulled it over you would then remember how the wheel had been tugging as of late. With every use you were having to counter the tug, to the point where you felt strain in your forearm. But, you were too busy to take it in for an alignment. After all, you had to get to work, or pick up the kids, or get home in time for your favorite show or glass of chardonnay. You had gotten so familiar with the tug that it almost felt natural.

But it wasn’t natural. And your car was trying to tell you so. The car was beginning to suffer from your neglect. Like the car, your mind tries to tell you when you are veering off course. In fact, your whole body tries to tell you. Your chakras, or for those who are unfamiliar with energy centers, your gut and heart and head, among other significant points along the energy pathway that dwells within and around you, sends out almost immediate and increasingly strong messages, all the time. Generally, people override those, too.

Life, as well as your body and your mind are conspiring to assist you – always. Problem is, we go numb to the input; we marginalize it and bury it. Then when we find ourselves in the trees we blame God or the Heavens for having forsaken us. We forsake us. We let the car drive us right off our path and into the trees because we fail to use the great gift that is the mind to Liberate us. Yes, resting on the other side of that nasty voice is a tool that helps us find Freedom. Peace. Love.

When you captain the mind, amazing things begin to happen. Trust me. However, dear reader, after years of letting the car drive all over the place of its own accord – it takes great vigilance and strength to commander the wheel. In fact, at first it almost feels as though there is no wheel to hold. I assure you, there is. You may have to dig through the rubbish that you have unwittingly allowed to accumulate in the driver’s seat before you can locate it. But it’s there. Keep digging. You will be utterly shocked by all the old wrappers, receipts and pieces of trash you’ve allowed to build up in there. But beneath it all, is this awesome car. This awesome vehicle that was given unto you for a purpose – take good care of it. Give it a tune up, fill it with nourishing fuel (yes, this means turning off junk television, walking away from trash talking people and opting for healthier foods. There’s no way around it, as we become that with which we surround ourselves). Then, every morning, take the time to align. Balance and center yourself. You and the car become one. And, in not so much time as you might fear, you get to drive right out of the trees, back onto the road and reach higher heights. Heights you were intended to reach. Then, as the mind gets better, the road gets better. Then your reality gets better. Life gets better. But it starts with you taking the wheel.

Sane

Fuck the Dark Voice

I’ve always found it odd how happiness doesn’t fuel my writing. Instead, the voice of wisdom tends to hit the page during times of turmoil, frustration or sadness. Not that the voice is these things. The voice is always steady, and embodies Love. But there’s something about those emotions that seems to work as a muse that nudges me to write. Due to such, here I am.

I have a few frustrations and disappointments encircling me. One involves a situation from which I’m having to step back. Truthfully, this is being done out of love; for myself and for the other. As a friend and as a spiritual healer, my motives have been called into question. A heartbreaking accusation, to say the least. I stood by my friend through thick and thin. But, these words can’t be undone. The hurt is near breathtaking.

If anything, I’m going to let the wicked words be the fuel that helps further bring forth Love and Light. Its my personal way of giving the Darkness a rowdy middle finger.

People have misconceptions about those of us called Light Workers. We come in all shapes and sizes and personalities. But we are human. We have feelings. We wrestle with the same grit as those who aren’t healers. And some of us, have enough piss and vinegar inside of us that we could easily, yet unintentionally, bowl you over. What I find the most entertaining is how Source has called forth some of its most testy healers, and imbued them into a human frame and energy that embodies a deep filter of Love. Meaning, we love with strength. We aren’t easily swayed or fooled. Something that pisses off ego more than I can say. But, we see the Light within, and because of that, we stay put. Until…we can’t.

This has been one of the things I’ve loved most about myself. When I love, I do so with steadfast determination and with a fierceness that can go to battle. Those closest to me know that I will and have walked through fire for those I love. I don’t want a pat on the back. What fills me is knowing that I aided someone during a dark, dark time.

I can’t turn off the voice that whispers words of wisdom, nor do I any longer try. It’s odd, but its me. I’ve learned how to distinguish its voice from that of my own. And at forty-six years of age I’ve learned that I can trust that voice better than I can trust the voice of any person. It’s never forsaken me. My job is to learn how to speak what that voice says – with Love. But sometimes what that voice wants shared is not the easiest to say. I guess, in part, that’s why I’m here. To share words that help heal and empower, but to do so with fierce Love. I surrender to that calling each and every morning. It’s who I am and I am humbled and honored. But don’t mess with me.

We all have such a backup. We all have such an inner power. We’re all here with purpose. Hell isn’t something you experience when dead, it’s here within your mind while alive. It’s the voice that lives and breathes in blame and shame and hurtful words. Its the voice that smears those who have stood beside you, then when they’ve been pushed far enough away, it turns its attacks on you. Where is heaven, then? Oh, dear reader, its right here, right now. Heaven is the peace of knowing you aren’t owned by that voice of doubt, any longer. Heaven is knowing your mind no longer turns all that is good into something bad. You step into heaven as soon as you take over what is inherently yours; your life. You never get to wield your inherently divine power over your life while hovering in a negative space.

People have this idea about spiritual healers. They see them as wisps that can be easily walked over due to their calling. Or are airy fairy and use woo woo sticks to connect to Mother Earth. Nothing could be further from the truth. True, they endure more than many could. But, they do so because of their purity of intention. They are sustained by the knowing that they are helping another find their way.

Sometimes healers look like what you would imagine, and then you have ones that look like me. Sometimes they ride Harleys and love the thrill of speed. We will tell you the truth like no one else. You can also count on us, like no one else. But believe you me, they can and will tell you to go fuck yourself. Not because they don’t love you, but because they do. But for the most part, they sit and wait. And when you’re ready, they remind you of your worth and that there’s much work to do, so get going. You aren’t alone.

As for me, I’m going to grieve, breathe and recharge, then let the Divine restore me. Then I will return to what the Universe has me do – help empower those who have forgotten how powerful they are. Not ego power. But Divine grace that rests within each and every one of us. You are amazing. Pitch the lens of fear. And look at the world through the lens of Love. Then you will see that life has been trying to work with you, not against you. Oh, and dear reader, if you find yourself wondering if you are listening to the voice of Love or the voice of egoic fear, ask yourself how you feel. If you feel good – completeness from within – that’s Love. If you feel dreadful, there’s a good chance its the voice of fear. Fear sits at the polar end of Love. You have my permission to give that voice the middle finger.

Sane

Solid Ground

Looking for perfection in life or love, is futile, as far as I’m concerned. What matters to me isn’t whether things are perfect, what matters is that things are becoming whole and complete. Wholeness is when we have finally arrived at the place within ourselves when our pendulum doesn’t swing so much. This can only happen with balance. And balance requires a level foundation.

I remember when I looked at the foundation of who I was. I saw holes. I grew up within a family dynamic that left gaping holes and obstacles over which I had to continually leap. I have many good memories of my youth. Yet, even during the good times, there was a knowing that was ever-present within me. I knew that, at any moment, those good times would end. The floor would open or a curve ball would come our way. Long after becoming an adult, I continued to build a similar road, as it was the only road I’d ever known. Instead of my father laying the bricks, each was put into place by me. It took a long time for me to see and understand this. Even more time was required before I found the courage and wherewithal to take ownership of my own journey.

Numerous catalysts have been brought my way. I know now that each was brought by the hand of God, with hopes of causing me to work on those things within me that needed attention. I had to step back and lift pieces of concrete that I’d stood upon for decades. Even though cracked and slanted, they were familiar. I was skilled at standing askew. We adjust to our own dysfunction over time. We learn to squint through a shaded lens and we choreograph our world so that it dances around our pain. It takes courage to rebuild. But I can assure you this, you will never regret having done so. Nothing is worse than being held prisoner within yourself when you are not whole. Sleeping next to your pain center, is a tragic thing.

I’ve come a long way since lifting that first broken part of myself. It gets easier as one moves along. And the only person I’m aiming to please is me. I own every flaw and quirk, every stroke of brilliance and every wry joke that sits at the end of an otherwise profound statement. I decided I liked these things about myself. So instead of pitching them, I chose to keep them. Starting anew does not mean one must replace everything. It means that you take the time to fix what’s broken, heal and let go of what no longer serves, and bring to light those parts of yourself that delight you. I display my soft, philosophical side right alongside that of my mischievous humor. Even some of my most broken pieces of foundation from my youth have been kept by me. I healed them. Then returned them to their place. What was once part of a pain center is now part of what heals. It was up to me how I wanted to rebuild. I decided to find beauty in some of my most vulnerable areas; areas that may seem like flaws to some. When someone looks into my eyes or reads my words, these truths are what shine through. I won’t ever get it done. And that is fine with me. I like that every time I turn around I see this motley mix of a construction that offers the best of me.

Dear reader, think about your foundation. Think about all that rests inside of you, and how it represents you. Think about what it is you stand upon each and every day. It is your house, your foundation and your walls, after all. As for me, my home has a few cozy nooks in which I like to curl. But for the most part, it has large open windows that allow for an unencumbered view. And I like it that way.

Do not get defeated if the process takes time. Because, it will. You aren’t pitching a tent. You are building a fortress, and that fortress is as much a gift to yourself as it is a gift to others. Go for structural integrity.

Sane

Freedom Through Awareness

Give yourself the gift of freedom. Know the part of you that tries to speak over the voice of Source. Know the part of you that tries to tie you down. In other words, know your demons. They accompany you wherever you go. And they’re not there by happenstance. Believe me, dear reader, few things are more empowering than staring straight-on at that which tries to hold you down.

I’ve come to know that these demons that I once felt certain held me captive, are in truth, the helpers toward my freedom. For the point of this writing, I’ve called them demons. But only because they rest on the back side of Love, God and Source. You can’t ignore the shadow side. It doesn’t work that way. But by awareness, the shadow no longer stands in the way of the Light. Instead, it helps point us toward the Light. Think of it this way: how can one know True North, without recognizing south upon their compass?

Darkness being as uncomfortable as it is, one could reason that its best to ignore it all together. But I’d advise against it. Instead, sit down with it. Ask why it’s there. Subjugate through awareness. See it for what it is – a shadow of your Higher Self – that which rests at the other end of your full potential. Use it as a gauge that reveals your alignment with Source. Are you walking with the arrow that points toward True North, your Higher Self, or against. We always feel it when we walk against the arrow, don’t we? It feels absolutely rotten, alone and empty. It feels as if we are turning away from all that is good. We suddenly feel lost. And it feels that way for a reason.

There are times when these inner forces spring to life, and lean toward overpowering. But if you know the demon well, then you know its ways. And you are less likely to be caught off guard by that which you know, than by that which you do not.

I learned that these shadow aspects of, who I am, have the same value as those parts of me that seem to shine so bright. My journey made more sense once I listened to what my demons had to say; what it is I feared the most; what it is that had the ability to keep me up throughout the night. Rarely now am I knocked off-balance. Not because the hits are fewer; but because I’ve learned to look with full awareness at the compass Source gave me.

I could say that life would be easier sans these inner tormenters. But freedom never feels the same unless first imprisoned. The exhale given once turned back in the right direction is deeper and fuller due to having known the struggle to breathe while lost. Demons are often the most profound inner teachers we have along life’s journey. Mine are there for a reason; chances are, yours are too. Stop running from them. Stop misreading them. Instead, look at them. Look at where they are leading you. Then turn around, grab the key that has always been in your hand. Open the door, and set yourself free.

Sane

 

Holding the Key

Photo by Harry Burnett, Yale Puppeteer. Albert Einstein, Pasadena, CA 1931.

 

True freedom is not an external condition, dear reader. It’s internal. The key is your thought.

In every moment, in every situation you have the power of choice. Free will, as it pertains to your thoughts. You can either think toward the positive or toward the negative.

Please know, this is not a light-hearted endeavor. In all candor, I feel it is one, if not the most difficult undertakings one makes. When one does not know what rests around the corner, yet trusts that whatever it is, it’s going to be alright.

So then you finally round the corner and what’s waiting there is something absolutely terrible, you tell me. You thought it might be, but you flexed your spiritual thought muscles, did what they said to do, and kept repeating to yourself that it was going to be okay. And now this? You knew this namby pamby stuff couldn’t be counted on.

Our thoughts are not always our beliefs. And until one finally shifts their beliefs, by way of continually redirecting their thoughts, they may stumble upon the manifestation of their old expectations. In other words, give it time.

But it’s never too late to start ,and its never too late to continue on. But immediately, you will feel the difference. So, let’s take this with baby steps. Nurture yourself with kind thoughts. Get real with your self talk. Listen to it. You may notice that if your self talk were a person, you would want nothing to do with them. But that self talk is merely the puppet. You are the puppeteer. Turn the puppet into someone with whom you long to share time. Why? Because they are always seeing the good in every situation. Even the one’s draped in yuck seem to possess a certain purpose. This puppet has gone from inner critic and naysayer to cheerleader and comforter. It’s up to you.

Sometimes we view ourselves as victims, prisoners to a very cruel set of circumstances that all serve as proof that this world is a rotten place. Within this world are both conditions, the rotten and the glorious. Its you who continually focuses upon the rotten. Don’t believe me, look at what you choose to read, watch on television, discuss with coworkers, family and friends. Are you focusing upon upheaval, and wallowing in the muck. Or are you keeping your focus held high above it all.

Listen, listen, listen to your inner voice. It tells you everything about where you are and the part you play in all of this. Is it harsh on you and on others, not to mention the world around you? If so, these words and opinions are spinning off of the beliefs you hold deep inside. There is so much good within you, that if you only focused upon it without judgement, it would take your breath away. See yourself as Spirit does; a piece of itself. See the good in the world. And when you get hung up on the bad, know this, the bad ushers in the good. The darkness is here to call the Light; it is here to awaken us and cause us to stand in our Truth. Yes, it has a purpose.

And that negative self talk, redirect it. Every time it says something awful about you, stop. Reshape the sentence. You are fat, you are ugly, you are a failure. No one loves you. On and on it will go. Until you say – enough is enough. I am Divine just as I am. My value is not conditional upon my size, shape or color or acheivements. I have never failed more than when I’ve chosen not to believe in myself. Today, I choose differently. God loves me. The Source of all that is loves me so much that it hasn’t given up on me, and never will. I’m the one that did that. Today I see what Source has seen all along. And, I love it. I love all that I am. I love all that I have to give to this world. Today, I choose to turn off the continual loop of negative dialogue. Today, I begin to rewrite my script.

Sane

My Mother. My Safe Space.

The Young Writer, Awards Night with Mom.

I remember one time in middle school having to call home. I can’t recall my reason. Complaints of illness, perhaps. My father was in the hospital a lot during that time; his body shutting down due to his advanced alcoholism. I mustered all the courage I could find to make my way to the office to express my needs. An anxiety-inducing task for this shy, young girl, in and of itself. But the office secretary required me to call and talk to my mother, directly. As soon as I heard her voice, on the other end, I cried. There’s just something about my mother’s voice that cuts to the core of me, and exposes my heart wide.

Most likely because my soul knew that with her, I was safe. Safety can do that to a person. The ego, which so often tells us how hardened we must be due to this world, has a difficult time convincing us of the same when it comes to certain safe people.

After rushing my son to the hospital due to his brain tumor, it was my mother who again provided this safe space in my hotel room each night. Not my husband. My mother. She sat quiet while I railed against God for coming after my son. She sat quiet while I wept afterward, asking forgiveness for all the harsh words I had just spoken. Her silence wasn’t judgmental. She did one of the most giving things one can do for another, she allowed me to work through my emotions while holding me in the safe space of Love and Light.

I went through a rather hard time at the conclusion of this last year. One that pushed me not only to the edge of my physical being, but more importantly, one that made me question myself as a spiritual guide. It was she that I called. And as soon as I heard her voice I cried.

My tears have always been safe with my mother. I am so grateful for her.

Dear reader, people matter. People are one of the most significant, magical, loving ways through which Spirit works with us, and for us. I lost my mother the other night. It was unexpected. I didn’t get to say goodbye.

While racing to the hospital I spoke directly to her spirit. Oh dear reader don’t think for a second that the little girl in me didn’t want to beg her to stay. It did. But my own soul wouldn’t let me be selfish. Instead, it pushed me to operate from a place of love. So I told my mother that if she wanted to stay that the Heavens would support her. But if she wanted to go, I understood. It was okay. I wouldn’t hold it against her. Within seconds of my words entering the air around me, my mother’s presence entered my Jeep, and settle onto the passenger seat beside me. At first I felt my body resist, as if I could push against, and thus change reality. Then I softly broke, and felt her riding along next to me. I knew.

And now I find myself bouncing between the world of extremes. My physical, emotional and spiritual being wanting only to feel her dainty arms wrapped around me, once again. And the world that demands that I discuss how to handle her passing, often using terms so technical I have to remind myself they are actually talking about my mother.

When I left the hospital, the other night, I told her that I wasn’t strong enough for this, not yet. She returned to the passenger seat, cigarette in hand, as it usually was, and said, “Yes you are.” She never really did mince words. The majority of who I am agrees with her. The small child in me needs time. But the all of me sees the love, knows the love and feels the love. And the all of me is so very grateful that I was given this beautiful, feisty, little Indian scout as a mother. She pulled me through so many rough times. She held me like no other. She loved me like no other. She was like no other. I hope I blessed her life as much as she blessed mine.

Sane

Today Is a Good Day

Those closest to me know that I have been hard at work over the last year developing something that felt pressed upon me by Source in such a way that I couldn’t ignore it, even if I wanted to. Fortunately, I didn’t want to. Helping others see within themselves that which they can’t yet see is a deep passion of mine. I can’t say I asked for this passion. As often its a rather muddy endeavor. But like most things brought to us by the Divine, even the hardships are surrounded by Love and Light and a certain beauty that brightens the darkest of days. So I pressed on.

Today marks the official opening of my women’s clothing company, Rebel Spirit Empowerment from Within. The world feels better when we believe in ourselves. And because we are all One, how we feel about who we are, and our part in this whole thing we call life – matters.

Each of us plays a role in the health of the whole. And no one can overpower our free-will. It is up to us to decide how we view the world around us. But what is most important is how we view ourselves. Because it is through that filter that we view the world. When we feel abandoned inside, we view the world through the ache of loneliness. When we are broken within, and left unhealed, we view the world through those shattered pieces. In the end, we live viewing our world through a distorted lens.

It needn’t be that way. The world will always possess the dichotomy by which it is made. It must. We must have both extremes. We would not be able to grow by way of continual Higher choices if we were not given the chance to choose what serves the spirit versus what serves the ego. So try not to wish for a world filled with only sunshine. Instead, heal your lens. Then you will be able to view the beauty that rests in the dark.

Love yourself. Believe in yourself. You are here with a purpose. You have great value and great beauty within you. I see it. But it wasn’t always that way. I couldn’t see it until my own lens was valued. I was given a choice. I could keep seeing the world through the brokenness within me, or I could set about to love each and every shard. I chose the latter. And out of that I got down on my knees and began to piece together the All of Me. I love the mosaic I now see. What once were flaws are now pieces that fit perfectly into the backdrop that surrounds me. I own them. Those moments were hard. But they made me into who I am today. I have great empathy due to them.

So, you see, its time we start looking inward. Instead of pointing outward and blaming others for why we are the way we are – its time to start looking inward. But doing so with great love and tenderness for how you got where you are. The greatest love affair you will ever have is the one you have with yourself. All other relationships mirror how you love – you.

Dear reader, today is a good day to start loving who you are.

Sane