I Don’t Know

The way I see it, life is pretty confusing. It seems half the population act like jackasses and some pretty amazing people die too soon. I won’t lie to you, dear reader, I had a pretty crummy day. Although I can’t go into the details and intricacies, suffice it to say, I spent a large part of the afternoon driving the countryside trying to sort myself out. I arrived home no more sorted than before I left.

Oddly enough, after being completely drained, one of my dearest friends called. She needed a boost. I did what love does. I scraped my reserve tank, and gave it to her. I couldn’t help her feel better about the abrupt death of her friend; a woman about to set off on a new career helping others, including autistic children. Why she had to die in an auto accident is beyond my understanding. I know all my spiritual teachings on the topic. And I could’ve recited it to her. But it fails in the moment. None of it makes sense. 

Something must be in the air. Because there’s a whole lot of pain being felt by a whole lot of people right now. Things are being kicked up. Emotions are rising. and that which is usually buried is being brought to the surface. Some of which isn’t pretty. It’s part of the process though. The moon calls the tide in. And with an enormous pull, it draws it back out, moving everything underneath. We are more water than anything else. So it should come as no surprise the tide pulls deep within us too. Only, it doesn’t feel as lovely as waves washing over the shore. 

Perhaps its because humans have their own agenda. We tend to fight nature. Often, we push and pull and fight. And those of us not prone to fighting find ourselves driving the coast in our Jeep Wrangler. And on those days, after having shared the deepest thoughts within me to the heavens above, and after carefully examining everything, I exited my Jeep saying the most spiritually sound thing I could say. Fuck it.

And that’s okay. There are times when that is what you have to say. Now, before anyone is offended, please realize that it’s a form of release. It means letting go of one’s hold. Often it’s the weight of knowing what needs to be done that causes the grip to tighten. Responsibilities. Being the lone person standing on the front line. Being the single parent. The single caregiver. The person who gives their all, because it’s the right thing to do. The person who knows they should feel differently, grateful, fortunate, blessed, but can’t. Not yet. Not now. Today feels the way it feels.

So, this was the advice I gave my friend. I told her it’s okay to let herself off the hook. It’s okay to disagree with life. It’s okay to say, fuck it, none of this makes sense. It’s okay to get angry. It’s okay to push back. It’s okay to not feel our best, to not be our best. And in giving ourselves that permission, we are being our best.

I can’t say if any of this helped her. It surely didn’t ease her pain. But, I hope it helped her to know it’s alright to be confused. It’s legitimate to feel the pain and wonder what it all means. Because I surely don’t have the answers. And right now, I don’t need to know. I don’t need to know anything other than I’m doing my best. 

If you’re like me, a kind person living in a turbulent, often unpredictable world filled with some pretty thoughtless people, just know that it’s okay to say fuck it. It’s okay to step aside from  your normal calm, cool and collected self. Life is to be felt. Feel the pull. Feel the push. Go with it. And what it brings up, it’s bringing up with purpose. Even the tears, dear reader. Even the tears.

Nature is good that way. It’s constantly cleansing. Our job, I’m guessing, is to ride the waves. You’re doing alright. 

Sane

Drive Through the Night

I remember once driving through the night. Honestly dear reader, I wasn’t just driving, I was escaping. I had everything I owned crammed into a Ryder Truck, my Acura in tow, my two year old son and mother beside me. I drove and I drove until the lights of Phoenix were far behind me. There comes a time for all of us when we have to take big steps toward freedom. Sometimes I think all I’ve done is taken big steps. At this point in the game, I’m an Olympian Pole Vaulter. But please know this, I wouldn’t change a thing.

We are all on a journey. Baby steps are just as valuable as pole vaulting. Actually, you can’t do one without having first done the other. So if you are finding yourself having to take big steps or baby steps to start something new, know that you are not alone. The one’s who don’t take those steps are those that will, most likely, be tasked with the same struggles throughout their life or perhaps in a different life. As for me, I try to stop the bad cycles when I recognize them.

One of the biggest cycles we all face is in learning to let go. Often, this means letting go of a relationship. Life is about relationships. We live an existence that is in relationship to what’s around us. Letting go of a steady paycheck can be devastating. Letting go of a much loved home is brutal. Letting go of someone you love is near crippling. Yet, there comes a time, when that is exactly what we are faced with doing. We must shift our direction, lift the energy, and in doing so, allow in something new.

And we know when its time, don’t we? In our core we know. From there, we usually fight it. I will say this, it does get easier. But I’ll also say that it never truly gets easy. Then again, I’m a tender heart. I feel things others don’t. Having said that, if I can do it, so can you.

Its okay if you notice you’re stuck. Its okay if you notice that those surrounding you don’t respect you. Its okay to realize that you took a few wrong turns along the way. Don’t judge yourself. Instead of viewing it as a set back, look at it as another step toward perfecting peacefulness. We almost never know what peace feels like until we are surrounded by the absence of it.

Its okay to take a stand. In fact, the best thing you can do for yourself is to fortify yourself with grace, look at yourself with Love and treat yourself accordingly. Often this means letting go of a few people, a few situations, a few habits. Every day is a new day to drive through the night toward making things right.

I’ve driven through the night both metaphorically and physically. Either way, it was filled with an indescribable ache, as well as an indescribable sense of freedom. With grace, let go of those things that no longer serve you. With a blessing, let go of friendships that have went beyond their season. And with a special prayer, release those mismatched loves. Both of you deserve something better.

I remember one night saying goodbye to someone that to this day I still love. As I sat in my Jeep, I felt the death. But I also felt the birth of hope for something better. Since then I’ve let go of people, places and things. It must be where I am in my journey. And I’m doing my best to move forward without too tight of a hold on anything. No map. Just my senses tuned to my core and the stars above. Now, if you’re needing to let go, do so with an open heart. Take a moment to look up and into the night sky. Breathe. Trust the Universe. It won’t let you down. Its time to shake it off and start again. Something better awaits. But it begins with you.

Sane

Judge Me Not

We are so much more than the labels put on us or the numbers associated with our life. One’s salary, savings or lack there of. One’s house value. Years of education. Pants size, shirt size or dress size. One’s color should not put them automatically into a compartment. One’s gender should have nothing to do with how they fight, live their life or what type of partner feels most right to them. Who you are has nothing to do with the stats that may, or may not, be associated with your journey. Dear reader, can you sense how tired of judgement I am?

And yet, it’s a profoundly human reaction to judge others. To size them up and then render verdicts inside our mind about who they are and what they believe. I say the hell with that.

In starting this women’s empowerment clothing line, I’m continually coming up against other people’s ideas about what this company should be.  Often, I have to pull back, take stock of all the decisions that have brought me to this point, noting if I’ve stayed true to my core principles – No Judgement. So as I get judged, sized up and put into a box, I have a choice. Show up as my highest self or get down and dirty to prove my point.

Truth is, I don’t need to prove anything. Nor do you. Our clothing is for all women. Even women who aren’t sure if they want to associate as women. If you like it and speaks to you, wear it. If it doesn’t, that’s okay too. Just know this, I have no desire to judge either way. I know how judgement feels. I know what it feels like to have someone take one look at me and size me up, incorrectly.

It took decades to shed the labels that have been thrown on me. Even the positive ones. I don’t like anything that limits. I’m me. I fumble and bumble my way along trying, always, to be my most authentic, best self. And when the impulse arises to judge another, and it always does, I try to harness the impulse before it develops into full-blown analysis and conclusion. It gets easier. Bottom line, if I don’t know you and you don’t know me. It should always start as a clean slate. Let me show you who I am by action and deed. Truth never can stay hidden. So give it time. Then decide.

This women’s empowerment clothing line doesn’t exclude anyone. Because all women could use empowerment in one form or another. Don’t be fooled to think otherwise. And I will continue to create affirmations that speak to all women, and do my damnedest to offer clothing that works for all women. It has been one of the hardest challenges I’ve ever undertaken. It may sound easy, but manufacturers don’t cater to all women. So finding something that works with a size extra small all the way up the line, and looks beautiful and is made of good quality materials, has been enough to turn my hair silver. There is no right or wrong in my book, except for that of exclusion and judgement. And damn these manufucturers like to exclude.

So dear reader, let’s all do our part to make this world a better place by judging less and loving more. Start with you. You can’t offer to others what you can’t first offer to yourself. Try not to limit someone because of their gender, race or socioeconomic situation. Try not to judge yourself by these things as well. We are all evolving. We are all fumbling and bumbling along; some more gracefully than others, yes. But we’re all still on a journey just the same. So be open. Be kind.

Am I a single mother, twice divorced with a business bankruptcy sitting in my past? Am I a victim of rape? Do I fight like a girl? How many degrees do I hold or funds do I possess?  How do you classify me? You don’t. I’m a spiritually guided soul who is doing their best in this world. There is no label or box that could ever fit me. And that’s just the way I like it and God intended me to be. Most likely the same holds true for you.

Sane

Night Driving

Photo by F.C. Gundlach, 1954, Lo Olschner, ocelot coat by Berger, Hamburg.

There are days when I feel as though I’m driving through this world in the middle of the night on a road I’ve never traveled before. Truthfully, it feels like that a lot. I suppose however, that is the true definition of faith in action. I’m trusting that my desires rest just beyond my headlight’s beam.

Faith is a bit like walking through a pitch black room; trying to get to the other side one slowly keeps putting one foot in front of the other, trusting that with each step they will feel the ground. The ground isn’t visible. But they’re trusting it’s there. Really, anything else would not be faith. Anything less would not be utilizing inner Knowing, it would be utilizing a mind that has already seen the outcome.

As I continue to build this women’s empowerment clothing line, the more and more I realize that I am on a cross-country journey of faith in action. My inner self is elated. My mind, well, that is the part of myself I’m always training. Because my mind keeps wondering what is beyond the headlights. For all it knows, instead of road the earth could just drop off, taking me with it.

So when I get amped up and filled with anxiety, or worse, caught in a moment of utter self-doubt, I sit and remind myself – just drive. Keep moving forward. Don’t speed, as that kicks up the fear triggers. Instead, motor along and enjoy the ride. Look around more. The headlights are illuminating everything I need to see in the moment. So take in the moment. Stop wondering what is beyond my sight line. Perhaps what is just out of view is still being brought together by the Universe in honor of my continued belief and faith.

If the desire is within us, and the passion is there to fuel the desire, then it is meant to be. It has a purpose and my job is to honor the desire by moving forward Knowing that what is meant to be will be. I am not to expect a certain outcome. I am not to get weighed down in What Ifs. I’m meant to believe that the road will take me where this desire is meant to go.

Desire is what makes life worth living. And life should be a bit more fun than we often allow it to be. When we worry about what rests ahead we often fail to see and appreciate what is being given to us in the now. And there is usually always something of value meant for us to notice in the present. Perhaps doing that one simple act of appreciation is what helps to orchestrate what’s to come, what will soon fall into the range of our headlights. Perhaps faith is Divine fuel.

So dear reader, when getting where you want to go feels overwhelming try to let go of wondering what is ahead. Trust that as you move forward, as you keep taking the necessary steps to do all that you can do to keep driving, you will get there. People and places and experiences will fall into place. Most likely, they are waiting for you just around the bend. The headlights won’t show those things until you make a few more turns. Keep appreciating what you can in the now and keep driving. Life is a lot like a cross-country adventure. There are times when it feels as though you aren’t moving. There are certain states that seem to take a lifetime to drive through. About half way through you begin to convince yourself you won’t make it. But you will. Take your time. Try not to give up.

Sometimes the kindest thing you can give yourself is a release. Release your timeline, release your hard fast rules or expectations. And trust that All Is Well and everything is working – you just may not see it yet. Breathe. You’ll get there.

Sane

Hitting the Road

As we close out this current year, I’d like to propose something. You won’t like it. But I believe its one of the most important things we can do for ourselves. And in the doing of it, we align closer to All That Is. Bless those things that have been difficult. I know. I said you wouldn’t like it, dear reader. But hear me out.

It’s easy to bless those things that bring us joy. Yes, those things are there for a purpose. We learn a lot about ourselves from them. But much more is gained when we carefully look at our difficulties. Because it is that which challenges us, that often highlights what is hindering us from experiencing the very joy for which we seek. Those fears that bubble up from within us, show us what is impeding us. They reveal the obstacles that stand in our way. In the moment we loathe the obstacle. And of course we do. It sits like a monster or boulder – blocking us. Holding us back.

But what if, its appearance isn’t to stop us. Instead, its appearance is Source working to show you what’s slowing you down so that you can deal with it and then move on?

Why is it so often upon casting a dream into the Heavens its quickly followed by something that causes us to doubt its probability? Ego will quickly answer that by saying it’s because it’s reminding us that the dream will most surely never happen. It’s sparing us from getting our hopes up. But rarely is that little voice of negativity our ally. Almost always that voice is the sound piece of our fears.

What I’d like you to do with this new year is to listen less to that voice, and instead, shift your perception of the obstacles or fears or doubts that arise before you. Don’t act surprised when an unexpected bill comes in the mail shortly after you launch a desire to start that new business or to buy that land in the country where you can retire. That bill will quickly tell you the level of your faith. That bill will cause all your fears to rise to the surface. Source wants you to see those. Source wants you to know what is buried deep within you. Because what is within you, is what’s shaping your experience. And when we fail to go deep, Source brings what’s deep into the Light. Bless what you see because its being brought into the Light for a reason. And it isn’t to stop you, it’s so that you know what you’re dealing with; to see what’s been holding you back.

Look at it like this. Let’s say you desire to drive across country. You program your car for the trip. And although I don’t believe such a thing as this exists, let’s say then that the car’s internal programming reviews your trip and then displays if the car is able to make it. Instead of damming your car for not being able to hit the road at the drop of a hat, you review the read out and feel relief that it showed you that about a third of the way in the transmission will fail. It’s telling you what you need to deal with because, as is, the trip will be difficult. Or the read out shows that there’s a collapsed bridge on the road you were planning to use. Good to know. You begin to plan a different way. What if Source is showing you something similar?

Every time you launch a desire, Source works to match that desire. But that is only half the process. You have to be the match. And to be the match you have to deal with all the things within you that are not the match. Those are the things that get brought to the surface. Those are the fears that seem to drop in front of you out of the blue, and strangle your ability to breathe. Those are the doubts you have about your greatness and worth. How is Source going to bring you your life’s love if you don’t fully love yourself? Source is showing you that. How is Source going to bring the life you want if you don’t fully believe that you are worthy of receiving it? So bless those things that are being shown to you. Because they are part of the process of getting there.

I love you, dear reader. And it is my sincere prayer that with this next year we all get there.

Sane

Sex and Bad Candy

Humans are social creatures. Due to such, I have to bet you’d like to have your life’s love sitting next to you right now. If so, do this – look in the mirror.

You can never see in another what you can not see within yourself.  You can not recognize outwardly what you have not already experienced within. And you can not maintain with another what you can not maintain within yourself.

Do you unconditionally love and accept the person looking back at you? If not, that is okay. Admitting the truth is one of the first empowering actions one can take. Just remember, your soul loves you. And if the desire is within you to be unified with a partner that will love and accept and understand you – then you must first do those things within yourself.

I want this from them, you say. Let’s get this straight. They aren’t your mother, and they aren’t your father. They are your partner. You can’t play the victim and expect your partner to coddle you. That isn’t their job. They are meant to be your equal. Equal. How can they be your equal if what you want from them isn’t already possessed within you? Of what are they the equivalent?

Dear reader, did you know that someone could love you to the moon and back, but you wouldn’t be able to allow it in if you didn’t already know the feeling within yourself. Also, you can’t give what you don’t have. It’s impossible.

Even without being cognizant of it, people react to energy. They feel it. It enters their being. Ask yourself what kind of energy you are offering. What is it you are giving this person? What is it you are giving yourself?

I know this struggle well. I did not like the person who met me in the mirror. I used to question how anyone could love the mess that was me. I didn’t love the mess. So why should they. Those were probably the most pivotal words spoken at the onset of my spiritual journey.

As I grew to hear Spirit, it shared with me something that changed my life. I am not my experiences. I am not my mistakes. I am not my successes.  I am not what has been done to me. I am not the judgments or opinions of others. I am what I believe.

And I believe in me. So look in that mirror, dear reader, and love everything you see. Love the you who ran when you should’ve stood. Love the you who doesn’t feel good enough. Love the you who got it right and love the you who got it wrong. Love yourself and – you become enough.

I’ve never met the person with whom I hope to spend the rest of my life. But I love them enough to bring them my best self; baggage light, clutter cleaned, demons understood. They deserve that. I deserve that. I had to divorce two men and marry myself before I discovered that truth. I had to fall in love with me. I wanted to feel whole, and that doesn’t come by way of a perfect other half. It comes by way of filling one’s self. Then resting in one’s wholeness for awhile. Knowing yourself. That is what I will present my future love.

And now that I am here, I no longer dishonor myself. I no longer look down upon myself. I no longer sell myself short. I no longer fill my time with bad candy when I know I’m deserving of a feast. Yes, that is a sexual reference. I love the woman I have discovered within myself. She is passionate beyond words. Sensual. Smart. Sincere. I love her. It all starts there. So take the mirror, dear reader, love who you see. You are worth the effort. And no, you don’t have to be perfect before you can love who you see. You just have to love who you see – unconditionally.

Sane

As always, written to music. Van Morrison, Into the Mystic.  The Strumbellas, We Don’t Know.

 

Rev Your Engine

Let’s start the weekend with this thought: Take good care of your mind. Love it. Cherish it. Tend to it. Then use it. Now, I know what you are saying, dear reader. Wasn’t it just a few days ago that I advised you to give that nasty voice within your mind the middle finger – yes. Yes, I did. Why then would I now be saying to care for something so menacing; is it good or is it bad? It is neither. Yet, at any given moment it has the potential to be the instrument for either. Confused? Don’t be. Spiritual teachers dating throughout the ages have always stated, “The mind is both the liberator and the jailor.” I believe this with all my heart – and mind.

Let’s look at it like this, your mind is a car. The car is yours. Your Higher Self owns the car. It’s a vehicle that’s intended and sole purpose is to help get you where you are meant to go while on this planet. Some people obsess over the looks and performance capabilities of their car – yet never really take it anywhere. Then there are those who completely neglect their car – complaining when it fails along the way. And then there are the majority who use their car repeatedly; carrying out the same trips over and over, hardly noticing that the car is doing so.

Now imagine you are traveling down a road, one that you travel every day. You know each bump and curve. Suddenly, you find yourself in the trees. When asked what happened you foggily reply, “I have no idea. The car just veered off the road. Now I’m over here. I must have been meant to be in the trees.” You would never say that, of course. Instead you would stop everything and ask yourself why the car shot off the road and into the ditch. And as you mulled it over you would then remember how the wheel had been tugging as of late. With every use you were having to counter the tug, to the point where you felt strain in your forearm. But, you were too busy to take it in for an alignment. After all, you had to get to work, or pick up the kids, or get home in time for your favorite show or glass of chardonnay. You had gotten so familiar with the tug that it almost felt natural.

But it wasn’t natural. And your car was trying to tell you so. The car was beginning to suffer from your neglect. Like the car, your mind tries to tell you when you are veering off course. In fact, your whole body tries to tell you. Your chakras, or for those who are unfamiliar with energy centers, your gut and heart and head, among other significant points along the energy pathway that dwells within and around you, sends out almost immediate and increasingly strong messages, all the time. Generally, people override those, too.

Life, as well as your body and your mind are conspiring to assist you – always. Problem is, we go numb to the input; we marginalize it and bury it. Then when we find ourselves in the trees we blame God or the Heavens for having forsaken us. We forsake us. We let the car drive us right off our path and into the trees because we fail to use the great gift that is the mind to Liberate us. Yes, resting on the other side of that nasty voice is a tool that helps us find Freedom. Peace. Love.

When you captain the mind, amazing things begin to happen. Trust me. However, dear reader, after years of letting the car drive all over the place of its own accord – it takes great vigilance and strength to commander the wheel. In fact, at first it almost feels as though there is no wheel to hold. I assure you, there is. You may have to dig through the rubbish that you have unwittingly allowed to accumulate in the driver’s seat before you can locate it. But it’s there. Keep digging. You will be utterly shocked by all the old wrappers, receipts and pieces of trash you’ve allowed to build up in there. But beneath it all, is this awesome car. This awesome vehicle that was given unto you for a purpose – take good care of it. Give it a tune up, fill it with nourishing fuel (yes, this means turning off junk television, walking away from trash talking people and opting for healthier foods. There’s no way around it, as we become that with which we surround ourselves). Then, every morning, take the time to align. Balance and center yourself. You and the car become one. And, in not so much time as you might fear, you get to drive right out of the trees, back onto the road and reach higher heights. Heights you were intended to reach. Then, as the mind gets better, the road gets better. Then your reality gets better. Life gets better. But it starts with you taking the wheel.

Sane

Going Underwater

1940 Bruce Mozert

There are times when we dive underwater to explore what rests below; to discover what can be found at such great depths within ourself. And then there are times when we go under not from our own choosing, but because something forced us under; our fingers slipped, and without premeditation, we suddenly let go.

I’ve found that almost all of my answers can be found from looking within. Some answers I placed there years ago. Others surprise me with their appearance. Memories dwell inside us like colorful coral reefs. And when the time is right we swim gently around every outcropping, allowing ourselves to live in the memory.

If one is prepared to be underwater, then it is a place of beautiful exploration. Downed ships still retain some of their prior glory, even when shrouded in loss. But it is when we are there without oxygen; when we wake in the morning, to discover we’re already buried under the pressure of our worries. Those are the times when it is the hardest to swim.

As a writer I know that some of my best work has been brought to the surface due to these deep-sea excavations. Emotions so rich with life, memories so raw they haven’t lost their tangible feel. I gather them in my arms, and like a child I drop them on the shore to examine under the sun. Even painful memories appear different when cultivated with intention.

When one finds themselves there without the security of a chest full of air; those are the moments when one feels only that of the tide pulling them under. They see the light from the water’s surface grow smaller as they fall softly deeper. All is dark. All is quiet. And they feel completely alone. There is no glimmer of excitement held within their eyes. These are the moments that sweep through us all; some softly and occasionally; some with a repetitive force like a wave that never grows tired of arriving. Whether from catastrophic news, heart-break or loss, we go under. We notice a peculiar detachment between us and the world around.

I began writing my first novel while suffering from total submersion. That one book was the final gasp of air from my inner being, my soul. I often slipped under the water’s of my life; beginning as a child that used it for escape. The familiarity of being submerged felt oddly comfortable; like a coat that didn’t fit, but because I wore it so often, I knew it well.

Being underwater, searching one’s great depths, is a fantastical excursion when done with purpose and oxygen. When we go deep to discover our core truths, to make peace with our history, our hurts, then this journey is one that brings us into alignment with who we are. It’s a necessity when it comes to one’s evolving. But when one goes under not from their own choosing. And feels only that of water filling their lungs, then their world goes black. My soul chose writing a novel, for me to later read, as a way of taking its final breath; bringing light to my dark places. From that day on, I’ve become very adept at deep-sea travel. I know all that rests within me. Some things aren’t lovely. But they are part of me; they have purpose. I could either look at a downed ship as complete failure, or as a bold attempt; one that made me stronger in the end. I reshaped my entire life after writing my first novel. My soul didn’t want to drown, it wanted to swim.

So if you find yourself sinking. Open your eyes. Use your strength to look around. And then, when the time is right, come up for air. Fill your lungs, and never again, turn a blind eye to all that is within you. You’re strong enough to swim.

Sane

Originally posted on November 18, 2013

A Delicate Nature

Photo by Sharland, May 1956

Good morning, dear reader. I hope this day is treating you well. More than that, I hope you are treating you well. I hope you are coming to see the All that you are and how important it is that your awareness acknowledges the many aspects that make you divine, singular, and important. It isn’t easy, is it? It isn’t easy to look at these things that seem to cause us struggle, or our heart to ache, and think good can come of them.

There was a time when I use to curse my own self. I use to look at my delicate nature and see it as that of a hindrance – especially in today’s world, where the need to be right comes before the need to love. Yet, it is this sensitivity in me that is necessary if I am to fulfill my life’s purpose. I couldn’t do it otherwise.

Over these many years, I found the courage and began the work necessary, to allow my gentle spirit to sit in plain view. I no longer stuff it under weighty coverings used under the misguided belief that I must protect my heart and my delicate inner being. Somewhere along the way it was shown to me that the soul, and the heart through which it feels, are stronger than any covering we use as armor. In fact, it is the strongest, steadiest, most stable part of our being. I spent the first half of my life very wrong about my understanding of my self. And that is okay. I needed those misguided years; much came from them.

Life is a dichotomy. Polarities are part of this world. With the presence of good comes the presence of that which rests at the opposite end. In other words, I did and do get pinged a lot. My entire lifestyle and those with which I surround myself has changed dramatically over these many years. At first, I use to force upon myself my old ways; they were what I knew. And the mind loathes the unfamiliar, uncharted and unknown. So I kept doing the same things I’d always done, all the while feeling uncomfortable. Feeling out-of-place. Feeling alone. Feeling bad afterward. Surely, I never felt nourished.

Now, I listen to the subtle queues of my inner being. I listen not to the voice that shouts, but to the voice that delicately whispers. I use to shake my fist at God and it’s soft spoken ways. Then I too softened. I decided to change my stagnant approach, mind-set and points of focus. Instead, I opened and broadened and became more flexible and allowing. And due to such it was shown to me that God speaks softly for two reasons: So we can always distinguish the voice of the Divine from the voice of fear, and because it requires of us to be still before we can hear.

I am no longer drawn to what is familiar, so much. Now I am drawn to the soft, subtle and delicate things in life. I see God in all things, yet I feel the purity within those things courageous enough to be kind. I like kindness. It feels good to me. It brings me joy. I love the kindness of the flowers that bloom outside my office window. They could be resistant, like unhappy children they could stiffen and demand that the environment cater to their wishes. But no, the flowers outside my window show up even when half buried under dead leaves. Their devotion to coloring life with their beauty is breathtakingly kind.

I step away from aggressiveness, chaos and demonstrativeness, and toward playfulness, equality and supportiveness. I love the kindness in those who give of themselves for another; those who hold the light and allow others to stand in its beam. Most of all I love the kindness within me; I judge less, allow more. I care about myself enough to be mindful of my surrounds. I love me enough to go silent and listen to the soft, subtle voice of the Divine which reminds me to hold gently the light of Love – always. It reminds me that there are those who have yet to discover their own, and the kindest, most compassionate thing I can do is hold mine upon them until they do.

If you are to embrace one thing this week – embrace kindness. Be kindness. It is the most courageous thing you can do. In those moments, you are the hand, the voice and the light of God.

Sane

Look at the Map

I woke with a strong urge to share something with you. And that is: Look at yourself kindly, today. See the beauty within you that is uniquely yours. Do your best in life, then trust that good will follow. Have faith that you’re not only on the path, you’re steadily moving at just the right pace. Everything has purpose. Try not to cast judgement upon yourself, others or the world around you. Love who you are. Because the package that makes up you was specifically chosen as the vehicle your Higher Self wanted for this journey.

Oh yes, its true, dear reader. Even your less than spectacular propensities are there for a reason. Have you not considered why your hardships seem to fall along the same few lines. If you haven’t. I urge you to do so. Great truths about your journey will be discovered when you do.

Once you notice the grid work on which your foundation is laid, you’ll better understand the bumps and hurdles. Once you begin to listen to the repetitive nature of your ego, you’ll begin to understand the work of your soul. Ego offers the voice of contrast to the authentic nature of who you really are. Instead of believing the ego, try instead to view it as a bellwether. For example, if your ego screams it can’t be alone, know that your soul wants you to experience the peace found only in solitude. If your ego whispers that you aren’t good enough, know that your soul wants you to experience that you are, and it will keep nudging you in that direction. And if your ego mocks that your words have no value, then your soul will keep putting you in situations where you must own your voice and speak it.

If you have a tendency to see yourself as a screw-up, know that your soul is living out this life for you to discover your worth. And it will keep offering opportunities necessary in making that discovery. Problem is, when we allow the fear-based ego to be the Parent, the Ruler, the Judge, the Doctor, the Lawyer, the Prophet, the Priest, the Writer of our life, then these opportunities get twisted and used as evidence to support the ego. But when we look at ourselves with Love, then we see the value in every moment that comes our way.

Look at your knee-jerk reactions. Look at your tendencies. Look at your urges and desires. Every component within you is there for a reason, even the voice of your ego. I knew my words as a writer were of value when I heard the voice of ego laugh and tell me they were not. Now, maybe they weren’t refined to the level they’d eventually be. But I knew that if my fearful inner voice was trying to derail me, then there was a good chance writing was something my soul came here to do; not just to help heal and empower others, but to help heal and empower me.

So, try not to draw hard lines of judgement upon yourself, dear reader. Instead, consider that you are the whole. You have many facets, and they’re all there for a reason. If you are easily intolerant of others, most likely you are here to work on tolerance. If you feel you’re better than others, you are probably here to discover compassion, empathy and humility. If you have a hard time controlling your desires, there’s a good chance you are here to discover the divine freedom experienced when not controlled by the body.

The list goes on and on, of course. But the heart of what I am saying is simple: Embrace who you are and look upon yourself openly and kindly. Within you is the map that reveals your life’s purpose. All you need to do is look at it with the broad eye of Love and not through the narrow lens of fear. Because the ego will look at the map and tell you its an impossible, messy journey; even the paper its printed on is flawed. Whereas the soul will say, “How perfect. Look how the roads go out of their way for us to make certain discoveries. It is so rich, and full and divinely intricate. The ink is so colorful, the paper so delicate. This is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

Sane