Tag Archives: sex

Judge Me Not

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We are so much more than the labels put on us or the numbers associated with our life. One’s salary, savings or lack there of. One’s house value. Years of education. Pants size, shirt size or dress size. One’s color should not put them automatically into a compartment. One’s gender should have nothing to do with how they fight, live their life or what type of partner feels most right to them. Who you are has nothing to do with the stats that may, or may not, be associated with your journey. Dear reader, can you sense how tired of judgement I am?

And yet, it’s a profoundly human reaction to judge others. To size them up and then render verdicts inside our mind about who they are and what they believe. I say the hell with that.

In starting this women’s empowerment clothing line, I’m continually coming up against other people’s ideas about what this company should be.  Often, I have to pull back, take stock of all the decisions that have brought me to this point, noting if I’ve stayed true to my core principles – No Judgement. So as I get judged, sized up and put into a box, I have a choice. Show up as my highest self or get down and dirty to prove my point.

Truth is, I don’t need to prove anything. Nor do you. Our clothing is for all women. Even women who aren’t sure if they want to associate as women. If you like it and speaks to you, wear it. If it doesn’t, that’s okay too. Just know this, I have no desire to judge either way. I know how judgement feels. I know what it feels like to have someone take one look at me and size me up, incorrectly.

It took decades to shed the labels that have been thrown on me. Even the positive ones. I don’t like anything that limits. I’m me. I fumble and bumble my way along trying, always, to be my most authentic, best self. And when the impulse arises to judge another, and it always does, I try to harness the impulse before it develops into full-blown analysis and conclusion. It gets easier. Bottom line, if I don’t know you and you don’t know me. It should always start as a clean slate. Let me show you who I am by action and deed. Truth never can stay hidden. So give it time. Then decide.

This women’s empowerment clothing line doesn’t exclude anyone. Because all women could use empowerment in one form or another. Don’t be fooled to think otherwise. And I will continue to create affirmations that speak to all women, and do my damnedest to offer clothing that works for all women. It has been one of the hardest challenges I’ve ever undertaken. It may sound easy, but manufacturers don’t cater to all women. So finding something that works with a size extra small all the way up the line, and looks beautiful and is made of good quality materials, has been enough to turn my hair silver. There is no right or wrong in my book, except for that of exclusion and judgement. And damn these manufucturers like to exclude.

So dear reader, let’s all do our part to make this world a better place by judging less and loving more. Start with you. You can’t offer to others what you can’t first offer to yourself. Try not to limit someone because of their gender, race or socioeconomic situation. Try not to judge yourself by these things as well. We are all evolving. We are all fumbling and bumbling along; some more gracefully than others, yes. But we’re all still on a journey just the same. So be open. Be kind.

Am I a single mother, twice divorced with a business bankruptcy sitting in my past? Am I a victim of rape? Do I fight like a girl? How many degrees do I hold or funds do I possess?  How do you classify me? You don’t. I’m a spiritually guided soul who is doing their best in this world. There is no label or box that could ever fit me. And that’s just the way I like it and God intended me to be. Most likely the same holds true for you.

Sane

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Sex and Bad Candy

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Humans are social creatures. Due to such, I have to bet you’d like to have your life’s love sitting next to you right now. If so, do this – look in the mirror.

You can never see in another what you can not see within yourself.  You can not recognize outwardly what you have not already experienced within. And you can not maintain with another what you can not maintain within yourself.

Do you unconditionally love and accept the person looking back at you? If not, that is okay. Admitting the truth is one of the first empowering actions one can take. Just remember, your soul loves you. And if the desire is within you to be unified with a partner that will love and accept and understand you – then you must first do those things within yourself.

I want this from them, you say. Let’s get this straight. They aren’t your mother, and they aren’t your father. They are your partner. You can’t play the victim and expect your partner to coddle you. That isn’t their job. They are meant to be your equal. Equal. How can they be your equal if what you want from them isn’t already possessed within you? Of what are they the equivalent?

Dear reader, did you know that someone could love you to the moon and back, but you wouldn’t be able to allow it in if you didn’t already know the feeling within yourself. Also, you can’t give what you don’t have. It’s impossible.

Even without being cognizant of it, people react to energy. They feel it. It enters their being. Ask yourself what kind of energy you are offering. What is it you are giving this person? What is it you are giving yourself?

I know this struggle well. I did not like the person who met me in the mirror. I used to question how anyone could love the mess that was me. I didn’t love the mess. So why should they. Those were probably the most pivotal words spoken at the onset of my spiritual journey.

As I grew to hear Spirit, it shared with me something that changed my life. I am not my experiences. I am not my mistakes. I am not my successes.  I am not what has been done to me. I am not the judgments or opinions of others. I am what I believe.

And I believe in me. So look in that mirror, dear reader, and love everything you see. Love the you who ran when you should’ve stood. Love the you who doesn’t feel good enough. Love the you who got it right and love the you who got it wrong. Love yourself and – you become enough.

I’ve never met the person with whom I hope to spend the rest of my life. But I love them enough to bring them my best self; baggage light, clutter cleaned, demons understood. They deserve that. I deserve that. I had to divorce two men and marry myself before I discovered that truth. I had to fall in love with me. I wanted to feel whole, and that doesn’t come by way of a perfect other half. It comes by way of filling one’s self. Then resting in one’s wholeness for awhile. Knowing yourself. That is what I will present my future love.

And now that I am here, I no longer dishonor myself. I no longer look down upon myself. I no longer sell myself short. I no longer fill my time with bad candy when I know I’m deserving of a feast. Yes, that is a sexual reference. I love the woman I have discovered within myself. She is passionate beyond words. Sensual. Smart. Sincere. I love her. It all starts there. So take the mirror, dear reader, love who you see. You are worth the effort. And no, you don’t have to be perfect before you can love who you see. You just have to love who you see – unconditionally.

Sane

As always, written to music. Van Morrison, Into the Mystic.  The Strumbellas, We Don’t Know.

 

You Are Love

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I’m a victim of rape. Did you know that about me, dear reader? It’s one of the most heinous and evil violations done to another. Far beyond a legal crime, it’s a crime against humanity. There is the physical act, but there is also the spiritual karma generated; an energy interaction that transcends the physical. Causing a wound that takes enormous fortitude to heal. But, like all wounds – it can heal.

It must be part of my soul’s journey, that my healing process be long, deep and hard. As healing this part within myself was that, and more. Yet, for all that was taken from me, I have given back to myself ten fold. And Source has given back to me a hundred fold. This I know to be true.

If there is a purpose within such an act, I feel it is that we use it to help those who have endured similar. You see, dear reader, I understand far more than I let on. I understand what it feels like to be hurt beyond heart-break. I know the walk to heal a broken soul. I know the battle to overcome shame. I know how it feels to have someone steal a part of who you are. Abuse is abuse. It is a crushing blow that can cripple you until your final day.

I don’t believe in happenstance. I believe events happen for a reason. I may die not having understood them all. But it was after this event that I began to see within people. I began to see their soul. And although this has been a bitter gift at times, I still wouldn’t trade it.

More than anything, it blossomed in me a level of compassion for the abused and disempowered that, to this day, is the basis of my spiritual world. Yet the flower had already been growing. People may damn their unstable upbringings. But for me, mine birthed a flower that became a soul that feels most at home deep within the world that sits just behind the one our human mind sees. I suppose it entered knowing it was destined for such a journey, and I know that I know that it was pleased with what it saw coming. Not because the events would be joyful. But because they were necessary if ever I were to fulfill my purpose. And that purpose is to be an example of love. And often that love stands in the face of all that love is not.

The times I have acted in love amidst the absence of love is numerous. I could damn God for such experiences. Having done so, I know what I would hear, “The example needs to be shown to those who most need to see it.” I live for the moments where I bear witness to love.

Tonight I’m sitting with a nice Côtes du Rhône, good chocolate and good music. I’m sitting with candles lit and I’m peacefully, and sometimes tearfully, reflecting on my life. I’m allowing God to unearth in me all that needs my attention. Things that make me smile. Things that make me cry. Both have value. I’m taking stock of how I’ve done thus far. Life is an endless cycle of opportunities. We are confronted with people of all kinds, carrying out deeds good and bad. Sometimes we become the victim. But later, we get the chance to see that we became a survivor. The Good Book says not to hide one’s light. That light is your truth. It is your hero’s journey. Share it. Help another to heal. Help another feel less alone. If you share your bumpy story, then another will feel less judgmental about their own. That is love.

Love who you are, my friend. You’ve been through a lot. And sometimes it doesn’t feel as though it will ever end. Just remember, you are loved. All the things that have been done to you, are not who you are. Who you are is determined by what you have done in the face of those things. Someone tried to take something from me. They succeeded. And it took years to heal. It took years of nurturing. But, for everything they took, I’ve added. My love is more tender, more authentic, more steadfast and true. Its raw and its nuanced and its spiritual beyond words. I remember ever baby step and every far reach it took to get here. I remember ever muscle ache and bit of fatigue. Not to mention how life looks when brought continually onto one’s knees, surrendered in prayer. With every agonizing bit of growth came a feathery soft, encompassing hug from heaven. Every pivotal event in my life has caused me to discover something new about myself.

To this day I cry as softly and delicately as I laugh. When I make love, heaven joins me. When I speak, something sometimes pushes my voice aside to share a deeper truth. When I look upon this world, I see the profound beauty mixed with actions that show how dark people can be. Within a person’s eyes, I see their soul and I see their struggles. I see their truth and I see their lies.

I was eighteen when someone broke into my garden, and tried to take the beautiful flowers within me. Little did they know, those flowers had roots. And once the rain had time to pour down and the sun had time to shine, the flowers returned. So remember, dear reader, I understand. Life can be brutal. But you are strong. And within you is everything you need to blossom. No one can take that away. No one can take away Who You Are. Only you have that level of power.

Sane

Written while listening to: Into the Mystic by Van Morrison (if ever I marry again, this will be my wedding song) and We Don’t Know by the Strumbellas.

What The ….?

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During a physical interlude once, a man who shall remain nameless, ran his tongue brutishly between my upper lip and gums. This was not a delicate movement. It was not a gentle glide. More like a horse rooting for a hidden sugar cube. The act of which quickly replaced any amorous ideas I had, with the thought: What the …?

Granted, everyone likes different things. And this surely was not the worst of the worst. However, I found it profoundly non-stimulating, to say the least. Heaven forbid he had stumbled upon a crumb or popcorn husk wedged up in there. As a quasi-germaphobe, I tend to be a rather squeaky clean gal. But even after the most forceful of swishing, certain foods are reluctant to de-wedge themselves. Furthermore, never once have I witnessed a love scene wherein the woman’s upper lip was pushed outward as if she were receiving a thorough dental cleaning, all the while a thick tongue slithered along her gum line.

Perhaps this crazy-tongued fella had a funky dental fetish. I don’t know. I never asked. But that’s one of those surprises one hates to discover well after having signed a marital contract. Which was when this particular discovery was made by me. Please know the deflating sexual discoveries kept trickling in, long after. I’m far from a critical lover. But I do cringe at the memories.

I can’t stress enough the importance of trying to unearth such discoveries early on, preferably very early on. But such was not my case. And like a lot of bedroom experiences gone awry, I did what everyone does – block it out and try never to think of it again. Until today, when I truly wanted and needed to laugh. Which I can do as these discoveries are no longer a part of my  life.

No one holds a crystal ball that displays their future. Some say, having such would take all the fun out of life. For the most part I agree. Bearing in mind that I’ve had a few surprises come my way that would’ve been a whole lot easier had I known they were heading in my direction. Regardless, little surprises, both good and bad, line the path we walk in life. There’s no way to discover now what sits beyond our sight, nestled somewhere down the road. The best we can do is explore what we want to explore in its entirety while we walk. Life is about living – not holding back. There will be plenty of time for containment once we’ve passed on, and discover such a thing no longer exists. So as we walk on, I say we do so sampling and discovering all that we can. Hopefully, we’ll stumble upon some good surprises along the way.

Sane

Written while laughing, and listening to: Mountain Sound by Of Monsters & Men.