Tag Archives: writing

Its Beauty is Your beauty

Hello Dear Reader

It feels like a lifetime since I’ve last whispered in your ear, dear reader. It’s an odd thing, being a writer. One would think I’d just sit down, on a whim, and write. That’s not the case. At least, it’s not for me. Instead, things have to be just right. If I have my way, the moon must be visible and shining down on me. The music must be flowing through me in such a way that we become one. And, lastly, I have to be seated behind my trusty MacBook Air. Change one thing, and anxiety washes over me and I begin to question if I know how to put anything of substance onto the page. Oh the mind, it can be our greatest ally. And so often, it can be our greatest foe.

You see, dear reader, this MacBook Air of mine that has aided me in writing numerous posts, novels and children’s stories is growing tired. I have to wait as it catches up with a mind that screams along at unsettling speeds. And as for the moon, its been awhile since I’ve had it shining down on me. One day I will have a desk that sits under the glow of its nurturing light again. But the music, it never fails me. And thank God for that. Truly.

Too much time has passed since I’ve written. A lot of life has unfurled beneath me. Too much to write about, but just know this: I am still sailing forward. I am at the helm, looking out at the horizon with wonder and delight. The waves, well, they do what they do. More often than not though, there is calm. And when I do look back and notice the the rough seas, I do so with gratitude knowing that, once again, something kept me upright. My time of having to plunge deep grows less and less.

So, if you are in the midst of underwater discoveries yourself, take heart, one day you will buoy up and with it, not only will you enjoy breathing, but you will breathe knowing who you are. There is mastery in that. Sometimes I wonder if that is why we are here; to discover who we are – and then love ourselves once we know. Love, that’s what it’s all about. But first it starts within. If you can’t love you – loving another is counterfeit. Love moves outward. The Universe rests within you. You are made of the stars. Why would Source do it any other way?

Recently, I went on a trip with my brother. We spread my father’s ashes along a small creek nestled into the side of a mountain. I watched as his physical form was embraced by the water and returned from which it came. And it felt right. Life alteringly difficult, but very, very right. I flew above my brother and I, and watched our star-dust beings return my father into its physical home. Pure. Divine. Transcendent. I hope I have as beautiful an end. In the months since I’ve been thinking a lot about the gap between the soul and the physical. There is a huge gap and yet no gap. The soul is one with everything. All the while being completely separate. I love the awe-inspiring gap. I love having one foot in this world and one foot someplace else. My awareness of this is often overwhelming. But I wouldn’t want it any other way. Its just who I am.

I love that ‘someplace else.’ It’s home to me. It is the place best described as being closer to the stars. It is the place where energy runs free. Its exhilarating. Its passionate. Its unbridled. And it is like air to me. It’s in music. Its in laughter. Its in the way our heart fills unexpectedly with emotion. And I know its seen in my eyes.

We are all so much more than we believe ourselves to be. The essence of who we are is there for the taking. If we allow ourselves to tap into it, then become it. And it is love. Love is Source and Love is all there is. It’s from where we came. And it is where we will return. So smile. Dance. Let the music flow through you. Look up and give the stars a nod. Its beauty is your beauty. Love.

Sane

 

Soundtrack:

Mondo Cozmo – Shine

MISSIO – Middle Fingers

Van Morrison – Into The Mystic

The Strumbellas – We Don’t Know

My Mother. My Safe Space.

YoungAuthor copy

The Young Writer, Awards Night with Mom.

I remember one time in middle school having to call home. I can’t recall my reason. Complaints of illness, perhaps. My father was in the hospital a lot during that time; his body shutting down due to his advanced alcoholism. I mustered all the courage I could find to make my way to the office to express my needs. An anxiety-inducing task for this shy, young girl, in and of itself. But the office secretary required me to call and talk to my mother, directly. As soon as I heard her voice, on the other end, I cried. There’s just something about my mother’s voice that cuts to the core of me, and exposes my heart wide.

Most likely because my soul knew that with her, I was safe. Safety can do that to a person. The ego, which so often tells us how hardened we must be due to this world, has a difficult time convincing us of the same when it comes to certain safe people.

After rushing my son to the hospital due to his brain tumor, it was my mother who again provided this safe space in my hotel room each night. Not my husband. My mother. She sat quiet while I railed against God for coming after my son. She sat quiet while I wept afterward, asking forgiveness for all the harsh words I had just spoken. Her silence wasn’t judgmental. She did one of the most giving things one can do for another, she allowed me to work through my emotions while holding me in the safe space of Love and Light.

I went through a rather hard time at the conclusion of this last year. One that pushed me not only to the edge of my physical being, but more importantly, one that made me question myself as a spiritual guide. It was she that I called. And as soon as I heard her voice I cried.

My tears have always been safe with my mother. I am so grateful for her.

Dear reader, people matter. People are one of the most significant, magical, loving ways through which Spirit works with us, and for us. I lost my mother the other night. It was unexpected. I didn’t get to say goodbye.

While racing to the hospital I spoke directly to her spirit. Oh dear reader don’t think for a second that the little girl in me didn’t want to beg her to stay. It did. But my own soul wouldn’t let me be selfish. Instead, it pushed me to operate from a place of love. So I told my mother that if she wanted to stay that the Heavens would support her. But if she wanted to go, I understood. It was okay. I wouldn’t hold it against her. Within seconds of my words entering the air around me, my mother’s presence entered my Jeep, and settle onto the passenger seat beside me. At first I felt my body resist, as if I could push against, and thus change reality. Then I softly broke, and felt her riding along next to me. I knew.

And now I find myself bouncing between the world of extremes. My physical, emotional and spiritual being wanting only to feel her dainty arms wrapped around me, once again. And the world that demands that I discuss how to handle her passing, often using terms so technical I have to remind myself they are actually talking about my mother.

When I left the hospital, the other night, I told her that I wasn’t strong enough for this, not yet. She returned to the passenger seat, cigarette in hand, as it usually was, and said, “Yes you are.” She never really did mince words. The majority of who I am agrees with her. The small child in me needs time. But the all of me sees the love, knows the love and feels the love. And the all of me is so very grateful that I was given this beautiful, feisty, little Indian scout as a mother. She pulled me through so many rough times. She held me like no other. She loved me like no other. She was like no other. I hope I blessed her life as much as she blessed mine.

Sane

Today Is a Good Day

tumblr_mg470sIGbG1qg35rfo1_1280

Those closest to me know that I have been hard at work over the last year developing something that felt pressed upon me by Source in such a way that I couldn’t ignore it, even if I wanted to. Fortunately, I didn’t want to. Helping others see within themselves that which they can’t yet see is a deep passion of mine. I can’t say I asked for this passion. As often its a rather muddy endeavor. But like most things brought to us by the Divine, even the hardships are surrounded by Love and Light and a certain beauty that brightens the darkest of days. So I pressed on.

Today marks the official opening of my women’s clothing company, Rebel Spirit Empowerment from Within. The world feels better when we believe in ourselves. And because we are all One, how we feel about who we are, and our part in this whole thing we call life – matters.

Each of us plays a role in the health of the whole. And no one can overpower our free-will. It is up to us to decide how we view the world around us. But what is most important is how we view ourselves. Because it is through that filter that we view the world. When we feel abandoned inside, we view the world through the ache of loneliness. When we are broken within, and left unhealed, we view the world through those shattered pieces. In the end, we live viewing our world through a distorted lens.

It needn’t be that way. The world will always possess the dichotomy by which it is made. It must. We must have both extremes. We would not be able to grow by way of continual Higher choices if we were not given the chance to choose what serves the spirit versus what serves the ego. So try not to wish for a world filled with only sunshine. Instead, heal your lens. Then you will be able to view the beauty that rests in the dark.

Love yourself. Believe in yourself. You are here with a purpose. You have great value and great beauty within you. I see it. But it wasn’t always that way. I couldn’t see it until my own lens was valued. I was given a choice. I could keep seeing the world through the brokenness within me, or I could set about to love each and every shard. I chose the latter. And out of that I got down on my knees and began to piece together the All of Me. I love the mosaic I now see. What once were flaws are now pieces that fit perfectly into the backdrop that surrounds me. I own them. Those moments were hard. But they made me into who I am today. I have great empathy due to them.

So, you see, its time we start looking inward. Instead of pointing outward and blaming others for why we are the way we are – its time to start looking inward. But doing so with great love and tenderness for how you got where you are. The greatest love affair you will ever have is the one you have with yourself. All other relationships mirror how you love – you.

Dear reader, today is a good day to start loving who you are.

Sane

Falling In Love

15955dc9ecd97254d1dae665466b39e1

I can’t speak for how it is in any other country, at present. But for those of us here in the States, we’ve been hit with a barrage of reminders from the media that it’s Valentine’s Day. A time for love. History is a bit hazy as to a definitive origin for this holiday. So, I like to go with the one that feels best to me. February marks the time when nature looks toward new growth, new life, a new season. I like that idea.

There is a new season awaiting you, dear reader. Its waiting, and its bursting with potential. But you must do the work to bring it about. The fertile ground of which I speak has nothing to do with what’s out there, and everything to do with what’s inside you. When you look upon yourself do you offer up harsh words of judgment. Do you whisper self-criticism when you look in the mirror. If so, please stop. Instead, start planting kind words into your mind.

I want you to fall in line with one of the most Divine guides given to us, nature. See yourself with promise. See yourself as an ever-changing, ever-developing, ever-unfolding creation that gets to ride through many seasons while here. Each season, guided by both nature and our own beliefs. We can never be more than our beliefs. So, what do you believe about yourself?

Give yourself the gift of self love and appreciation, not just today, but for this new upcoming season, and every season. It starts with this simple, yet poignant, ritual – look in the mirror, and fall in love with who you see. All of your past beliefs rest upon the face that’s looking back at you. And within the eyes that are gazing hard upon your own, is your inner being. The child within you. The person who has walked through trials and tragedies. The person who has taken more beatings from you than it has ever taken from any one else. Also is the person who loves to laugh; who loves to sing; who loves to play; who loves to savor the deliciousness of life. Be courageous, and feel what is stirred within you as you lock eyes with your own image while repeating these simple words: I love you.

There is a very strong likelihood that the person in the mirror has not been loved by you – not fully. Instead, its had to harbor years of criticism and judgement. Let those words not touch your tongue this year. When those thoughts fall into your mind, sweep them away with love. Don’t damn yourself for having them. Remind yourself that they are merely a habit you started long ago. Maybe they started by way of words spoken by another, but you took it from there and made them your own. Your brain, the magnificent tool that it is, has created default pathways that cause – what was – to be – what is – until you break the habit. Then a new pathway is formed. Like giving up anything familiar, it takes time. But that person in the mirror is worth it.

Be courageous, dear reader. Stop looking externally to be loved until, at the very least, you have first found it within yourself. Surround yourself with thoughts that edify, uplift and encourage you. Add to your life those things that bring you joy. Start to cherish you as if you were the love of your life. Because, quite honestly, you are.

Sane

Freedom

5bea5ed05464245c0109ad33a3f2371b

Women’s Air Service Pilots (WASPs), 1944

As many of you know, I’m a spiritual person; not only is it my walk, it’s been my life raft. It’s been the only lens through which I can view this world with love. It has been the only air pure enough for me to breathe. Love, to me, is the essence of God.

The ripple effect from love brings calm waters. The ripple effect from fear brings turbulence. We sail both. Life contains the dichotomy of All That Is.

Please know that this type of love is not the kind of unicorns and rainbows. It simply means honoring All, to the best of my ability. Life feels better when I do. I can breathe. I release the fearful inclinations to tighten and control. Instead, I let go and let it be. In that there is freedom.

Love thy neighbor as you would thyself. Many who profess great love for God and Christ breeze over this statement. Instead they judge one another mercilessly. They want to have their way be the only way. And when freedoms that do not fit within their preferences are granted others they cry out that their religious freedoms are at stake.

Such is not the case. They get to believe whatever and do whatever. And if they truly followed the teachings of Christ, they would allow others to do the same. One’s religious freedoms should never trump the life freedoms of another.

Life is an exquisitely detailed orchestration of events. Our beliefs are always proven out. So as I sit back and watch the unfolding of recent events in the news, I do so observing Life offering up one of its brilliant check-points: Christians being given the opportunity to live what they profess. Christ was, and still is, one of my most intimate teachers. It is through the eyes of Christ that I so often view my world. At times I cry with joy at what I see in the world around me, through these eyes. At times I cry from pain.

I have many loving teachers. All teach the same thing: Judge not. Love. And be love.

I will always do all I can to cause a ripple in the pond of life that leads towards acceptance and personal freedom. I want everyone to live the life of their choosing. This means following the beliefs that feel right to each. Being who they are without condemnation. God made us all. And in that we are perfect and exactly as we are meant to be.

Love who you are. Allows others to do the same. No shame. Just love. No control. Just freedom.

Sane

A Writer’s Take On Easter

94aa95c76530b6bb43d2bb16a6b43f94

I tried to busy myself this morning; tackling the long list of things I must get done. But the prompting to write was too great. Perhaps, someone out there is in need of what I’m about to say. So, I yield and remind you of this: Give thanks for this moment in your life. Even if your heart is breaking, your hands are empty, your future unsure – your’e being given the chance to start anew.

I want you to look at where you’ve been. Don’t romanticize. See clearly. Now look ahead. What do you want? Now is your re-birthing. Not only does nature provide us this example, but also a beautiful teacher who walked this earth many years ago. It is time to be reborn. But not with sadness. Not with bitterness. Look at this moment in your life and take from it the lesson you were meant to learn. Carve out now a more intricate blueprint of what you want.

You are given people, circumstances and things that are meant to help you better align yourself with who you are and what you are meant to be. Was the life you were living honoring your higher self? Often we blame everything outside of ourselves for how we feel, think and live. Yet no one, ultimately, has that power over us – unless we give it to them. And even then, we are still the gatekeeper. Generally, we have a long list of justifications as to why we allow in who and what we do. It is time to lay down the cross, and rise. Surrender the heaviness you carry and give it to All That Is. Do it with reverence. Now take a moment and appreciate how light you feel. You are light. Especially when we step out from under what once covered us.

We have a few very important things we are here to accomplish during our life. One of the most important is how we treat ourselves. Do you deserve to be loved through and through – yes. God wants that for you. This divine source is just waiting for you to see that too. Do you deserve a life full of joy – yes. You also deserve to feel good, to feel success, to feel energized.

Take this moment, and all the indications nature is providing, and start anew. Become born – again. And again and again, if need be. And often it needs to be. Maybe all this means is changing the way you think. Maybe this spring is your time to finally say – I can do that. I can stop blaming. I can see that all those things I encountered along the way have brought me to where I am – right now – and right now I see more clearly than ever before.

I can be loved. I can be cherished. I can be healthy. I can be successful. I can see the beauty in all things. I can see how the struggle is necessary in emerging strong. I can see how all my many days of pushing through have brought me to where I can finally see the light. I am doing alright. I have down days but I also have days when I feel up and alive. And I deserve to feel good. Right now, I love me. Right now, I will cherish me. Right now, I believe in me. Thank you – for freeing me.

Sane

And So It Begins

etsy.com

etsy.com

Finally, a moment to sit and write. You may have wondered what I’ve been doing as of late. Surely it hasn’t been keeping up with the Insanity Blog. Which is something that’s troubled me greatly. It seems my course has shifted once again, though. And my days of late have been kept busy starting a new company. It’s a company built upon the stones laid from my writing and spiritual work. So, in that sense, I’ve been crafting Rebel Spirit for sometime.

This all came about during two major shifts in my life. As difficult as those moment were at the time, my soul – and now I – smile when I look back upon them. I firmly believe when we fail to lend a sensitive ear to the soft promptings of our inner guidance system, the Universe will inevitably enter in, and jockey things around. Much like if we were to continually ignore the GPS in our car when it says to turn left, the hand of God reaches down and moves us. In the moment the move feels like a tornado that has uprooted us, or worse, shattered us. Sometimes those moments are a gentle yield. Sometimes those moments are abrupt. I’ve worked many years training myself to listen to my inner voice. Sometimes I throw the blinker on early, feeling in advance the direction in which I’m meant to go. At other times I eye the road, doing more than one drive-by, while questioning the hell out of it, convinced it doesn’t look right. Those moments generally play out something like this: Inner self screams yes, mind screams no. Enter the hand of God.

Always, always, always go in the direction of your joy. More often than not, a clear view  will not be provided. There is a reason for that, though. Your joy is your connection to All That Is. And, All That Is, God, Universe – or whatever name you like – requires that you have faith. Faith means not seeing what rests around the corner. Faith says believe – then – it will be shown. And belief starts from within. There will not always be clear signs along the way. There will not always be people camped out on the roadside offering directions. But always, from within, you will know which way to go. Always from within you’ll find all you need to be, do and have the life that brings you joy.

Rebel Spirit is about providing you those reminders. Sticking with the metaphor above, Rebel Spirit will be a little bit GPS, a little bit road map, a little bit gas station attendant reminding you that you are on the right road; just keep believing, keep moving, keep smiling. Love yourself. Be yourself. Trust yourself. That’s what the journey’s all about.

Rebel Spirit will unfold in stages. To start it will offer wearable affirmations for women. I grew tired of writing down phrases that helped empower me, just to be out in the real world without them.

Rebel Spirit will be open for business once I’m able to gather enough rebel spirits to help support its mission. We will be starting with a small online store, but also a crowd-funding campaign. I have a lot of work to do. But I know, this is the direction in which I’m meant to go. I hope you’ll join me.

Sane a Rebel Spirit

RS JPG