When Asked

Marilyn Monroe by Ed Feingersh New York 1955 courtesy of vintage.es

During the final months of my friend’s life, she grew increasingly angry when asked how she was doing. Sitting with her, I witnessed numerous friends and acquaintances visit. Most all asked the same question. My friend would offer a smile, then reply, “I’m okay.”

She wasn’t okay. When they left, she would turn and say, “How the hell do they think I’m doing? I’m dying. I’m sitting here waiting to die. I wish they would stop asking me that.” She knew most who asked did not want to hear the truth. So she did what many of us do: comfort the asker.

I can’t change the rules of communication. If I could I would prohibit a question from being asked, if done by rote. I’ve never been one for false pleasantries. My friend felt the same. Like her, I appreciate when someone answers honestly, even when the reply takes us down a bumpy road. Its authentic. And the world could use more authenticity. But if we can’t always be authentic with others, I ask that we always be authentic with ourselves.

I think that’s why I enjoy the arts. Creatives who work to share all that can’t be said. Shame. Fear. Betrayal. Crushing pain and unspeakable joy. Euphoria. Love. The most dynamic art, regardless the medium, uses pain as its base, then builds from there. It takes courage to take from the depths of one’s own emotion and display it onto a canvas, to sing the words that cause others to cry. To write a sentence that will be spoken within the quiet walls of the mind, but once there, reaches into the heart and brings to the surface a long stored emotion. The purpose of a Creative is to lay bare what others work hard to keep hidden. 

And by doing so, allowing the light to reveal what’s been neglected. It means repeatedly dancing in the darkness. Because that’s where beauty is born. It is the darkness of night that causes the morning sun to appear more radiant by contrast. It’s why an artist uses dark colors; without which, the lighter hues would fail to emerge so brilliantly. Its why a musician boldly holds a chord, allowing their voice to linger until the frequency resonates with the part of you that’s been buried for far too long.

Life can’t be lived with only joy. Each emotion is real, and each has something to offer. They show up inside of you, or on the canvas or page for a purpose. Each one points to something within ourselves; something meant to be noticed – if not, we wouldn’t feel it. Love each color. Love each chord. Love each word. Learn from them. They are you. And if you can’t see their use, stand back, and see how they add to the larger masterpiece.

What did my friend feel – anger. She felt sadness. She felt scared. And that is what she would’ve said, if those asking were strong enough to hear the answer.

Our lives are that beautiful song. That portrait. That novel. The one that takes you on a journey. Where the colors have created an immensely profound story. Her story was coming to an end, and she wasn’t okay with it. And that was how we decided she would answer, when asked. She was okay with not being okay.

Take the time, dear reader, to feel. Within the privacy of your safe space, feel what you are feeling. Please dance. Move. Laugh. Yell. Cry until your tears have run dry. Ask yourself how you are, and don’t judge the reply. You may have to hide away much of who you are and what you feel from the outside world. But never hide it from yourself. Explore it instead.

Sane

And Then There Were Leaves

Marilyn Monroe by Ed Feingersh courtesy of vintage.es

I had full intentions of writing to you tonight. Actually, what you see below is the start of what I thought would be a post written solely by me. Because so many of you are like me, ‘umbrella seekers’; those who are aware of their growth, aware of their intentions, striving to find the good, even when hidden, I am leaving this post as is. Tonight, this is how my soul decided to speak to me. I love when it takes the reins, identified by italics. Yes, it brought me to tears. But I needed them. My hope is that it offers you comfort. As your soul is not so different than mine. I have to believe then, that this was also meant for you. ~ Sane

…

They say that we are entering a new phase. One that will usher in all that we’re currently lacking. As soon as I heard this my mind danced with hope that once the clock struck midnight, the air would become less dense, and despite the late hour the clouds would part and the moon would illuminate the sky, as if daylight had arrived. Gone would be the heaviness felt all around. No longer would the body startle awake, only to consider if all the decisions made have been wise. I’d wake each day feeling fully supported by the Universe. 

That didn’t happen. And, it never does. Nothing is instantaneous. Yet we live in an immediate reality. So my mind is conditioned to expect as much. Anything less feels laborious and, almost, non existent. But, that isn’t how the Universe works. More so, that isn’t how your spiritual body evolves. Things take time, and in the world of non-physical, that’s exactly as it should be. 

The human mind bucks against this flow. Which causes enormous suffering. Doubt creeps in. The inner cynic marches across the mind during those slow days of change and movement. But it doesn’t mean movement isn’t happening. Like leaves on a tree that seem to suddenly appear. Long, slow days of growth took place. Yet were unnoticed to the eye. Such is true with you. 

You’re doing okay. No. You are doing more than okay. And as much as you feel abandoned by me at times. Please know, you are my main focus. And, I love you. I love how you fuss about. I love how your mind is so expansive that it can capture the smallest nuance and emotion emitted by those under your care. I love how you work tirelessly to please me, your soul. 

We are a team. And I am here to experience this world right along with you. We just need to learn how to work together. That’s all. I want you to feel. I want you to feel all that you feel. There is no wrong feeling, as far as I am concerned. And yes, I am that part of you that is connected with All That Is. Your Higher Self. And your dear friend, Source. You are loved by All of non-physical. You may not always feel it. But We are here. 

You have many questions and we strive to provide the answers. Allow yourself to hear. You work hard at that, and it’s appreciated. Things will begin to make more sense as we move along. We are covering a lot of ground quickly. And that is why you feel the fatigue. You will grow tired. I’m probably partially to blame. But we are making up for lost time. 

Thank you for noticing me. So many times the soul is not noticed. But please know I am always here. I am the part of you that feels so deeply. I am the part off you that gets fully engulfed in emotion to a particular song. I am the part of you that can’t stop laughing. I love to laugh. I am the part of you that notices the beauty in nature. I am also the part of you that sees the beauty within the eyes of others; their energy. Do not fear that I am not here. I am here. I am here. I am here. 

Your soul

They’re Waiting

Myrna Loy 1940 courtesy of vintage.es

Earlier today I found myself with an exceptionally busy mind. For reasons I can’t recall, I skipped my morning meditation and had to power forward. While driving to my destination I talked, without pause, with my spiritual team. And as one normally does when dealing with uncertainty, my questions became plentiful. Followed by plaintive.

Then, I was reminded of something my team shared with me awhile ago. Something I knew, but in the hurried pace of my day had failed to practice. Asking is only the first step. Space and silence must follow. 

Many of us get caught on step one. We live in a world that bombards us with input. Often loud and obnoxious. Relentless. Non physical doesn’t yell. It won’t compete for our attention. It won’t increase Its volume. It requires of us to lower the volume in our world, and mind, to hear Them.

Non Physical won’t arm wrestle you into submission. It won’t elbow its way into the crowded room of your mind. It requires of you to give it the respect of silence before It will share what It has to share.

So, if you have found yourself with questions. Big or small. And you have yet to hear a reply, stop for a moment and consider if you have allowed for the answer. I’d like to ask that you view communication with Non Physical, Infinite Intelligence, All That Is, just the same as you would a friend that you hold dear. A friend you respect. Ask your question. Then, just as you would with that friend, wait in silence. Clear your mind. Raise your vibration, and allow Them the floor to speak.

Please know that this doesn’t mean merely asking and letting go; busying your mind with social media or binging your favorite show. They won’t interrupt that either. I wish They would. Instead, They like to speak when it’s silent. Try to meditate. But for those who aren’t ready for that just yet, then simply be present. Listen to your breath. Notice your footsteps as you walk. Feel the fur of your pet as you slowly and deliberately run your hand along its back. You don’t need to sit in a lotus position, with your legs crossed and incense in the air. You don’t need to wear flowy organic cotton clothes or be vegan. You don’t need to change you. You just need to get still within your mind. That’s actually all meditation is.

But what does that mean. It means, stop narrating. Look out across the horizon, but in doing so, hush the voice that wants to comment. Don’t judge. Just observe. Or sit in a chair and breathe; observing how it moves in and out. It really is that simple. You can do this at a stoplight. You can do this while waiting for an appointment. Instead of listening to your mind ramble, tell it to wait. Then breathe. There is no thought, that can’t be thought later. For right now, just listen to your breath. Just be.

At first the narrator will fuss. But, it will get easier. And the more you practice, the more your mind will open. You’ll begin to align with synchronicity. You may notice something you never noticed before. Something will suddenly click into place. And those answers, they often arrive as effortlessly as that breath you were observing earlier.

For most everyone, there comes a time when life will cause us to ask. Whatever it is that brings us to that point, just know that your soul has been waiting. And it wants nothing more than to speak. It asks of you to truly listen. 

Sane