Dark Skies and Open Windows

Lauren Bacall – September 16, 1924

For those who’ve wondered what I mean when I speak of The Umbrella Seekers. Let me explain. The Umbrella Seekers are those who, whether meaning to or not, are always seeking a deeper meaning. They are the ones looking for the good, amidst the seemingly endless bad. They are my people. And, in many ways, I feel I am their writer.

Of course, I am not their only writer. I am but one voice. I can’t say whether we make up the majority. Appearances tell me otherwise. But I know too, appearances only capture the surface. Looking at me, you wouldn’t know that I’ve never felt quite at home here. That I’ve always been aware of the veil that rests between my awareness and the solid stuff that makes up my reality. Upon passing, you wouldn’t know that I often gaze at the moon and feel as though its my friend, far more than anyone I’ve ever known. I feel a longing for something my conscious mind can’t even grasp. 

When I look at someone, I see them. Then I see what rests within them. The layers. So many layers. Things I can’t speak about. It’s not my place. Instead I wait. Until one day, when and if they choose to reveal what I witnessed so long ago. Even then, I just listen.

Umbrella Seekers are also kind. They work hard to see greater meaning in a world that reigns chaos. Like those wonderful images found in the Highlights magazine from my youth, hidden within the obvious is so much more. If only we take the time to see. That’s my spiritual journey. Sometimes I wonder what good it does me. But I can’t seem to stop looking for the umbrella nestled in the trunk of a tree or the shovel in the waves. At times, during my rougher days – like today – I ask my spiritual team why. Why any of it. Why am I here. Why do I keep looking.

It’s why I’m here. I will be honest, this doesn’t give me the level of comfort you’d think. Because the chaotic pictures never seems to end, they merely change their shape. On days like today when I feel so much exhaustion. So much frustration. When words escape me and all I can do is stare at the sky. For every inch of understanding I seem to gain, a yard of confusion is added. Dear reader, there are days when my heart feels as though it’s breaking and I don’t even know why. Do you ever feel that way? Of course you do. 

If only our soul sat down with us and laid out its objective for this lifetime. The goal. And the bumpy, twisty road it has chosen to take. If only it could point at each exit and explain why it has chosen it. For what purpose the heartache serves. Then, without letting our gaze dwell too long on the horror before us, it pointed at what rests further up the road. How, if we keep going, that exit – that was so difficult – had actually possessed value. It sharpened our lens. And that sharper perspective allows us to clearly see which way to turn once we arrive at the fork in the road. And that new path, is smooth. We get to take the top down and let our arms glide in the air as we amble down the road. But we wouldn’t have been able to read the road sign, had it not been for that awful exit awhile back.

I feel quite certain most of us would appreciate this up-front approach. We may need to sit for a moment and consider it. But, looking into the eyes of our soul, and acknowledging how thoroughly it charted the journey, we’d feel encouraged. I know I would. I’d appreciate the schematics. I’d nod at the logic. Nervous, I’d stand, gather the maps, and head off.

But that isn’t how it is. Instead, we’re often driving at night, alone, relying on headlights that illuminate patches of road, not its entirety. Not only do we not know for sure whats around the corner, we can’t even clearly see that the corner exists. But, if you’re like me, you keep going. Stopping isn’t an option. Just like, it isn’t an option to notice only the surface of this chaotic world. 

There are those who find comfort in quotes about how hard times define us. Truthfully, I’m not sure if any of it defines us. We define ourselves if we bother to take out a pen. In the meantime, trust your headlights, dear reader. And remember, darkness allows us to see the stars. So look up.

Sane

Written to: Brian Eno & David Byrne – One Fine Day, Taylor Kingman – Wannabe, Red Clay Strays – No One Else Like Me

When Asked

Marilyn Monroe by Ed Feingersh New York 1955 courtesy of vintage.es

During the final months of my friend’s life, she grew increasingly angry when asked how she was doing. Sitting with her, I witnessed numerous friends and acquaintances visit. Most all asked the same question. My friend would offer a smile, then reply, “I’m okay.”

She wasn’t okay. When they left, she would turn and say, “How the hell do they think I’m doing? I’m dying. I’m sitting here waiting to die. I wish they would stop asking me that.” She knew most who asked did not want to hear the truth. So she did what many of us do: comfort the asker.

I can’t change the rules of communication. If I could I would prohibit a question from being asked, if done by rote. I’ve never been one for false pleasantries. My friend felt the same. Like her, I appreciate when someone answers honestly, even when the reply takes us down a bumpy road. Its authentic. And the world could use more authenticity. But if we can’t always be authentic with others, I ask that we always be authentic with ourselves.

I think that’s why I enjoy the arts. Creatives who work to share all that can’t be said. Shame. Fear. Betrayal. Crushing pain and unspeakable joy. Euphoria. Love. The most dynamic art, regardless the medium, uses pain as its base, then builds from there. It takes courage to take from the depths of one’s own emotion and display it onto a canvas, to sing the words that cause others to cry. To write a sentence that will be spoken within the quiet walls of the mind, but once there, reaches into the heart and brings to the surface a long stored emotion. The purpose of a Creative is to lay bare what others work hard to keep hidden. 

And by doing so, allowing the light to reveal what’s been neglected. It means repeatedly dancing in the darkness. Because that’s where beauty is born. It is the darkness of night that causes the morning sun to appear more radiant by contrast. It’s why an artist uses dark colors; without which, the lighter hues would fail to emerge so brilliantly. Its why a musician boldly holds a chord, allowing their voice to linger until the frequency resonates with the part of you that’s been buried for far too long.

Life can’t be lived with only joy. Each emotion is real, and each has something to offer. They show up inside of you, or on the canvas or page for a purpose. Each one points to something within ourselves; something meant to be noticed – if not, we wouldn’t feel it. Love each color. Love each chord. Love each word. Learn from them. They are you. And if you can’t see their use, stand back, and see how they add to the larger masterpiece.

What did my friend feel – anger. She felt sadness. She felt scared. And that is what she would’ve said, if those asking were strong enough to hear the answer.

Our lives are that beautiful song. That portrait. That novel. The one that takes you on a journey. Where the colors have created an immensely profound story. Her story was coming to an end, and she wasn’t okay with it. And that was how we decided she would answer, when asked. She was okay with not being okay.

Take the time, dear reader, to feel. Within the privacy of your safe space, feel what you are feeling. Please dance. Move. Laugh. Yell. Cry until your tears have run dry. Ask yourself how you are, and don’t judge the reply. You may have to hide away much of who you are and what you feel from the outside world. But never hide it from yourself. Explore it instead.

Sane

And Then There Were Leaves

Marilyn Monroe by Ed Feingersh courtesy of vintage.es

I had full intentions of writing to you tonight. Actually, what you see below is the start of what I thought would be a post written solely by me. Because so many of you are like me, ‘umbrella seekers’; those who are aware of their growth, aware of their intentions, striving to find the good, even when hidden, I am leaving this post as is. Tonight, this is how my soul decided to speak to me. I love when it takes the reins, identified by italics. Yes, it brought me to tears. But I needed them. My hope is that it offers you comfort. As your soul is not so different than mine. I have to believe then, that this was also meant for you. ~ Sane

…

They say that we are entering a new phase. One that will usher in all that we’re currently lacking. As soon as I heard this my mind danced with hope that once the clock struck midnight, the air would become less dense, and despite the late hour the clouds would part and the moon would illuminate the sky, as if daylight had arrived. Gone would be the heaviness felt all around. No longer would the body startle awake, only to consider if all the decisions made have been wise. I’d wake each day feeling fully supported by the Universe. 

That didn’t happen. And, it never does. Nothing is instantaneous. Yet we live in an immediate reality. So my mind is conditioned to expect as much. Anything less feels laborious and, almost, non existent. But, that isn’t how the Universe works. More so, that isn’t how your spiritual body evolves. Things take time, and in the world of non-physical, that’s exactly as it should be. 

The human mind bucks against this flow. Which causes enormous suffering. Doubt creeps in. The inner cynic marches across the mind during those slow days of change and movement. But it doesn’t mean movement isn’t happening. Like leaves on a tree that seem to suddenly appear. Long, slow days of growth took place. Yet were unnoticed to the eye. Such is true with you. 

You’re doing okay. No. You are doing more than okay. And as much as you feel abandoned by me at times. Please know, you are my main focus. And, I love you. I love how you fuss about. I love how your mind is so expansive that it can capture the smallest nuance and emotion emitted by those under your care. I love how you work tirelessly to please me, your soul. 

We are a team. And I am here to experience this world right along with you. We just need to learn how to work together. That’s all. I want you to feel. I want you to feel all that you feel. There is no wrong feeling, as far as I am concerned. And yes, I am that part of you that is connected with All That Is. Your Higher Self. And your dear friend, Source. You are loved by All of non-physical. You may not always feel it. But We are here. 

You have many questions and we strive to provide the answers. Allow yourself to hear. You work hard at that, and it’s appreciated. Things will begin to make more sense as we move along. We are covering a lot of ground quickly. And that is why you feel the fatigue. You will grow tired. I’m probably partially to blame. But we are making up for lost time. 

Thank you for noticing me. So many times the soul is not noticed. But please know I am always here. I am the part of you that feels so deeply. I am the part off you that gets fully engulfed in emotion to a particular song. I am the part of you that can’t stop laughing. I love to laugh. I am the part of you that notices the beauty in nature. I am also the part of you that sees the beauty within the eyes of others; their energy. Do not fear that I am not here. I am here. I am here. I am here. 

Your soul

Behind An Opaque Sky

BY ED FEINGERSH/MICHAEL OCHS ARCHIVES/GETTY IMAGES.

I remember the last conversation I had with my father. He was done. And I understood. He shared with me how he had told God to go to hell. To his surprise, I shared how, on more than one occasion, I had told God to go fuck itself, complete with a double middle finger extended into the night sky. He laughed. And in that moment, he didn’t feel as alone. That was the last gift I gave him. He died days later. 

That moment sits with me to this day. The brutal honesty. I remember hanging up the phone, resting my head on the table and crying. I cried from the grief that had already set in. I cried from the emotional exhaustion of forcing myself to stand with him where he was at. To be raw, is one of the hardest things we can do. And yet, to me, it’s always where our most beautiful parts lie hidden. Like treasures resting on the ocean floor. Undisturbed until a big enough wave causes them to stir and float to the top.

And its during those times, when parts of ourselves become unmoored, we get to examine them fully; perhaps for the first time. If not for the first time, at least with a new light. There is something about the stillness of sadness. The way it causes our gaze to fall onto aspects of ourselves, our beliefs, our perceptions. Its cathartic. 

Two days before Christmas, my home was flooded by the lights of emergency vehicles as they made their way toward something; someone. We had just finished decorating our tree. It was late. Everyone was swept up in the glow. For reasons I can’t quite explain, my mind kept flashing on someone ending their life. I felt them, dear reader. Then I shook it off. The feeling returned. It stayed with me all through the night. Without knowing if that had happened, I started to wonder why they felt the way they did. I spoke into the darkness, letting them know they weren’t alone. The next day my feelings were confirmed.

I don’t know why I’m telling you this. Other than to let you know that you aren’t alone. I would never attempt to tell you what is best for you. Only you know that. But while you are sorting that out, I want you to know that all of those feelings that weigh so heavily upon you, making it hard to breathe, are not felt by you alone. Any heartache that may be cutting you in two, any disappointments that have left you questioning whether this is worth doing, have been felt by more than just yourself. 

So in this moment, in the only way that I can, I am taking your hand and standing beside you. And if you need to scream into the night, feel free. Scream loud and scream deep. I’ve been there. I’ve howled into the starlit sky. Feel what you need to feel. And when you are tired and raw and convinced there is nothing left to say, I ask that you remain that way – silent. Close your eyes. Breathe. There is magic in the space you are now holding. Stay there. Even though nothing around you may appear different. You are. You are different. By allowing yourself to feel what you needed to feel, to be honest, to be raw, you’ve released decades of energy blockages. And there is power in that. By setting free what has been trapped, you’ve made room for what can become. Surrender for awhile. Allow yourself this respite. Draw no conclusions. Set down the gavel. Render nothing wrong or right. Just be. For now. 

Give yourself this moment. During which, take notice of the little things. Look to nature. Take delight in the exquisite beauty that is always present. Don’t look ahead. Don’t look behind. Just replenish your soul in the Life Force that is the sun hidden behind the clouds. Its there. Thriving, regardless of how it may appear. Just like you. Your clouds will dissipate. But whether they do or don’t is not the point. The sun still shines. Nature knows this. And I want you to know this.

I do not say this lightly, dear reader. I too have been buried behind an opaque sky.

Sane

The Lies We Tell Ourselves

candid photo of Marilyn Monroe/courtesy vintage.es

I had a very rough go of it a few weeks ago. A necessary plunge that took me into the deeper waters of my inner being. I’ve had a few of those lately. I’m told, they are part of the process. Ascension isn’t for the faint of heart. But looking back, I can say it was necessary and has taken me to a higher perch from which I can view myself and the world around me. 

Dear reader, I never have nor ever will write from a place of abstract ideas or theories. Every word shared comes from having already scaled the jagged outcroppings of my soul and psyche. To do otherwise would be unfair. I’m on a journey. And I’m taking you with me. And in many ways you are reading my journal entries after long days of walking toward the summit. 

As you start this new year, I want to ask that you do something for me. Any journey, especially the kind we are on, can get rough. You will get tired. So set down the extra weight you are carrying. Surrender the beliefs you have about yourself and your past that don’t align with what your soul knows about you. We carry these misconceptions with us for too long. They are emotionally charged memories that create skewed beliefs. And those beliefs only serve to break our heart and hold us back. And those beliefs become the cracked lens through which we view everything, most of all, ourselves.

We are unreliable witnesses. Its not that we are flawed or lazy or malicious. It’s that we are looking through a filter of emotion and assumptions. We are not objective. So much of what you believe to be true about yourself, isn’t. Not when it’s a belief that has been formed from disappointment, hurt and heartache. The world and many of its inhabitants can lead you to believe that you are so much less than who you are. The you, your soul knows to be true. I ask that you allow yourself this leeway: your analysis may be faulty. Your memories may not be accurate. And you haven’t known the full story to even one of the life events that has tormented you and upon which you have formed so many of your beliefs.

Every awful thing you have thought about yourself. Every disappointment, every hurt, every failure you have assigned to yourself. All of it. Is untrue. I know your mind will provide evidence to the contrary. But your mind has been trained by you. Its doing what you have, repeatedly, instructed it to do. As you step into this new year, I’d like you to consider the very real possibility that you have been wrong – even if only partially – about many of the negative beliefs you’ve held about yourself.

I realize this is asking a lot. And for some it will feel foreign and fanciful. Often it requires repeated stops and unexpected discoveries of more weight we didn’t realize we were carrying. But Life will bring it to our attention. And it hurts when it does. But it’s also the most useful thing you can imagine when it comes to your spiritual journey and living the life your soul desires, but also the life you desire. You and your soul are not so far removed. Your soul is living through you, with every heart beat, every breath. You are never alone. Whether you are aware of your spiritual journey or not.

Like many of you, this last year has been profoundly painful. I’m ready for higher altitudes and a more expansive view. So let’s end this calendar year with this: we will never understand everything, dear reader. The best we can do is realize that our memories and perceptions are not always accurate. So stop hanging on to them as if they were.

Sane

Written to: Yann Tiersen – Comptine d’un autre été (Amélie)

Once The Leaves Have Fallen

Nina Leen, Russian born photographer. Circa 1950

There’s a peculiar type of beauty during this time of year, when the leaves have fallen and the trees stand stark and bare; the way their silhouette changes. I think to many it may seem as though their beauty has been lost. But to me, a different type of beauty emerges. Without all the accouterments and frills we are allowed the chance to look deeper into the woods. We get to see what birthed and held the leaves for so many months. Landscape that was previously hidden is now revealed.

And quite honestly dear reader, it’s the visual that aligns most with me. Raw and poignant. It’s as if nature is saying, “This is me.” I do that every time I write to you. I think people are their most beautiful when no longer camouflaged. Often it’s during times of trials or tribulations that seem to bring us to that state. Not always. But often. 

And if you have found yourself feeling raw, I’m sorry. I wish I could ease the pain you find yourself in. I wish I could hush the winds and silence the cold. But I can’t. What I can do is tell you this: you are now seeing your most authentic self. And that authentic self is striking. It’s so much stronger than you believe. It has weathered so much already. And with each strong gust it has been made stronger, not weaker. I know it may not seem that way right at this moment. It never does. But in hindsight, you will notice. You will see yourself in full bloom again. And when that time happens you will know that underneath the leaves rests a magnificent, remarkably strong soul.

You would not have that knowledge, had it not been for this moment in time.

But for right now, what I ask of you is this, see beauty in what has been revealed. See beauty in the you that stands raw and bare. I don’t know what has brought you to this season. But, there are those of us who see you. There may be a legion who don’t. And those, like me, might be a minority. But we are a powerful group. Large numbers have never represented value. We are the connoisseurs of the human condition. And you are developing into so much more than what you realize. Give yourself time. We ask that you stop viewing yourself as less than. Know that you are so much more. You have never and will never let the Universe down. We stand in awe of you. You have had the strength to stand; not just in the light of day but during the coldest of nights and the harshest of storms. And this season is necessary and it will pass.

And if you feel alone, know that you aren’t. Once the leaves have fallen, you can see that you are not so different from everyone else. You have more to do. You will reach heights you hadn’t quite imagined. Dear reader, stop being so hard on yourself. Look at this moment, right here, right now, as your winter. You haven’t stopped anything. You are emerging into so much more. Trust. Trust that the Universe is on your side.

Have you ever noticed how the light reflects differently on the trees once the leaves are gone. I, for one, find it stunning. It’s who you are once the camouflage is gone that defines who you are. So take a moment to see yourself. See yourself as I see you. Vulnerable. Open. Tender. But also strong, resilient and guided. There is a force within you similar to that within a tree. Nature knows. And so does your soul. Take comfort. Even stripped bare you are beautiful, you will emerge to see better days.

Sane

Written to: Ludovico Einaudi – Nuvole Bianche

Baby Steps

Good evening, dear reader. My plan tonight was to meditate. But the issue of Baby Steps keeps getting pressed upon my mind. So much so, that I can hardly think of anything else. Which tells me, someone needs to hear what I’m about to share. I’m trying to get better at honoring my vibrational nudges.

Never, ever, under any circumstance disparage any of the baby steps you are taking. Each one, regardless of how small, is crucial. It’s safe to say, without them you’ll never take a long stride. This world celebrates things that are flashy and loud. While important discoveries and leaps into unknown territories are often overlooked. But I want you to know that for every large accomplishment, a small, seemingly unimportant, first step was taken.

I know I look at my own work, spiritual and otherwise, and chuckle at how even the simplest of things can baffle me; requiring me to revisit topics and test out new discoveries over and over again. The Universe is patient, though. It sits idle when necessary and roars full steam ahead when directed. But it doesn’t judge. And neither should you. 

If you are heading into new territory, whether within yourself or outside yourself, try not to downplay the importance of slow progress. Careful is good. A baby can’t, and doesn’t, go from rolling on the floor to sprinting across the room; nor should you. Whether this is in the matter of cultivating a relationship, developing new skills or grasping deeper truths about why you are here and how all of this works – the same principle applies. 

Baby steps won’t make for a bingeable Netflix series. They won’t garner multiple likes on social media or fascinate everyone at your next gathering. Although, they should. But when it comes to the impact they have on your life, it’s without measure. Allow yourself to grow. If ever you are to walk steadily, if ever you are to run hard and fast you first must test your strength. See what your feet can do. You have to utilize an enormous amount of balance to move forward. And this is true with whatever it is you are tackling in life right now. 

So as you head into your week, my hope is that instead of condemning yourself for not having mastered the art of running a marathon, that instead, you show gratitude for having shuffled your first foot forward. More so, my deeper hope is that you appreciate each time you’ve gotten back up after a fall. You aren’t made to run. You are made to learn how to get where you want to go. And that may represent itself completely different from person to person. And each one of us is meant to go at our own pace. There is a reason for the pace; there is a reason for the time it takes you to develop further into who you are meant to be. 

Be kind to yourself. Be kind as you figure out who you are and where you want to go. Be kind in regards to the process it takes. Try not to feel defeated that you aren’t there already. I ask that you try not to judge your gait, your speed or your stamina. Doing so will only slow you down. Baby steps are steps. They are vital. And yours are unique to you. Much of your learning is done right here, right now during this time of slow, incremental movements. And it’s during this time of wobbly legs that you learn the art of becoming steady.

Sane (and Wes)

Everything Is Working Out

I have to wonder if Source ever rolls its eyes at me. I doubt it. But my attempts to humanize what is pure energy leads me to envision it happening, just the same. 

I think that’s a stumbling block for many of us: humanizing what isn’t human. It’s my belief that Source Energy is the Creator of All That Is. It is consciousness and one of the methods it uses to experience and express itself is by way of us. Consciousness is not limited to us, however. It surrounds us. Nature is full of consciousness. But, different than ours.

I don’t believe a tree ever worries. It just is. But not in a way that is less than. If anything, it’s more, as it’s always in the moment. Whereas, we can hardly get beyond our logical mind; the way it wants to make sense of things and scrutinize and predict. As critical and valuable as it is, it’s this logical mind that tries to humanize something that exceeds our understanding. The vibrational workings of the Universe.

Instead, we easily slip into old habits; ruts made throughout the decades. Old conditioning. When this happens to me, and after burying myself in the muck for a while, I come back to my senses, my knowing. I stop cramming something so expansive as the Universe into the narrow thinking of the logic-dominant, human mind. Doing anything else, is much like taking it personal when a copy machine fails to produce the image wanted, regardless of what we placed on the glass, or the settings we programmed into the machine.

And yet, it’s so easy to look at the Universe and want to turn it into something resembling us. We want the Universe to shower us with goodness. Or we spend our time worrying that it will clobber us with another sweeping disappointment. But does it work that way. I don’t believe so. I believe it responds to our beliefs, as well as the fundamental core purpose of our soul. If you believe that the Universe supports you, then it will. But if you believe the Universe is always looking to thrust another gut wrenching life lesson your way, then it will do that too. Or perhaps you fluctuate between the two, offering a jumbled mix. The Universe has no issues matching that fluctuation.

There is a middle ground. I believe we are here to learn. And to experience. And we can be supported throughout both. Even during the worst of times. If you are like me, and find yourself going sideways every now and again, stop and notice where your mind is. Lift the lid on the copier and see what you’ve placed onto the glass. Is your expectation matching what you have asked be replicated. When it comes to this very specific aspect to how all this works, it’s just as simple as that. The good news is, it’s never too late to edit your expectations. For some it might be an easy undertaking for others its a bit more tedious, depending upon their beliefs and the people and things with which they surround themselves. But its doable. Start small.

Take a deep breath and repeat after me: everything is working out. Which is vibrationally very different from: everything will work out. Which is in the right direction. But, keeps things distanced. You want to move the energy closer. Make it in the present. It is working out. Small tweak, big vibrational impact. And because life is like an iceberg where the vast majority of its vibrational happenings rest outside our human view, trust that’s there’s more going on than you might see in the moment. But pay very close attention to your beliefs. The essence of which is the image you place on the copier. Its mechanical. It’s not personal.

The Universe never controls what you put on the glass. And that’s a good thing.

Sane

Step Back

Lauren Bacall by John Engstead

Good evening, dear reader. I hope this message finds you in good spirits. Then again, I hope it finds you if you’re not, especially if you’re not. Perhaps what I have to say will help buoy you; allowing you to float on the waters surface where you feel most safe. If not, then my hope is that it will help to fill your lungs as you sink; giving you time to stay there for a moment before rising again.

I ask that you not be discouraged when your feelings have you overwhelmed. Life, gives you ample fodder for such a thing. But your natural state is one of joy. And for some, it’s been a long time since that joy has felt steady and real and something upon which you can count. Sometimes I feel like I live behind a gossamer veil of sadness. And I question if its visible when someone takes the time to look into my eyes.

There are times when I get frustrated with that aspect of myself. But I’ve let a lot of that go. I’ve been shown the value of my emotions. I’ve been shown how vital each one is. Like colors carefully chosen by an artist before crafting a portrait, I too have an emotional color palette. And each hue has its place. My joy would never spring from the canvas with such exuberance if not for the darker shades that sit right along the edge. I see that now. I understand it better. 

We live in a world that wants nothing more than for us to feel anxious, fearful and inadequate. All things easy enough for us to feel on our own without any outside influence. And yet, each of us longs to feel joy, belonging, weightlessness. And there we sit perched in the middle. Never quite feeling as though we can fully relax. For many, they just want it to end. I too, have wanted it to end. And I think its because of that, that I feel comfortable sharing with you as I do. 

What I do is just another form of art; bringing forth the emotion that is me and sharing it for others to see, hear and absorb. Have you ever noticed how moved you feel when listening to a song about heartbreak, resilience and passion. Or how taken you are by a piece of art that seems to speak directly to your soul. How you feel an ache when you stop to notice the leaves falling from the trees as they slowly give way to their approaching hibernation. It’s all art. It’s all an expression. Whether done by those like you and me. Or by the hand of the Universe.

We get moved by it because emotions are our guidance system. Each one tells something about where we are, and in what direction we are going. We live in a world where we are constantly trying to override certain emotions in exchange for ones of our choosing. But as you settle into your weekend I ask that you tune your ear and listen to what those emotions have to say. Because they don’t lie. They are telling you something. 

Sometimes what is illuminated will make us want to run. Don’t. Instead, sit with it. Why do you wake at 2am with that particular fear. Why, upon seeing what you see, does it stir you the way it does. Why do you keep going in that direction when you want to feel good. Notice how your stomach feels when that certain person speaks the way they do. Stop and observe what it is that makes you smile; unforced, your body simply reacting. Pay attention to it all. You are the artist of your life. These are your colors, whether you like them or not. Don’t throw out the ones that cause you pain. Instead, master how they are used.

Now paint. Steady your hand and face your canvas. You are the canvas. It is your life and those emotions are all indicators. They tell you when you are in alignment and they tell you when you have veered off course. They tell you when you are open and receptive to the All Loving energy that is waiting to assist. And they tell you when you are restricting the flow. Listen to your body when it tells you that this person is not honoring who you are. Listen when your body tells you that this, yes this thing, brings you joy. Listen when it whispers in delight in the little things. Listen. Then notice how all of these colors have served you. They have given you dimension. And without it, there would be no value in the portrait. It would be flat. Instead, your portrait is magnificent. It tells a story. It utilizes a vast array of colors. Some are dark. And those colors hurt. But they give depth and life to the next color you will be using. They give context. You are not one dimensional. You are a continually growing, changing being. And the darkness gives purpose for the light. And that is why it is magnificent.

That is you, my friend. Don’t give up. You are here for a reason. And each color is a story in itself. When you are standing close, it may not look beautiful. In fact, it might look far from it. Step back. All great art needs to be seen from a distance. 

Sane (with the help of Wes who is whispering in my ear)

Written to: Manchester Orchestra – The Silence, Del Shannon – Keep Searchin

Inheritance

Carroll Baker 1960’s
monovisions.com

I had full intentions of writing tonight, dear readers. Then I asked Wes if They had something They’d like to say. They answered yes. I’m guessing someone needs these words. I have done my best to keep this post as true to how it was given to me. In time, I’ll get better at relaying Their words. Until then, love to you ~ Sane

Each of you is quite different from the other. It’s true, in so many ways you are similar. But its more like you’re under an umbrella of similarity. Aside from that, you stand alone. Your cells carry energies passed down through the ages. Joys. Trauma. Opinions and beliefs. Much of who you are, was founded upon who came before. Not just your physical ancestors, but the many lives your soul has lived. Its all carried forward.

To All That Is, this is good. But to you, it may not be so. This may mean managing an inheritance you never wanted to own. Even when in the womb, you absorbed the world around you, as it was filtered first through your mother. And once you opened your eyes, you were not as unaffected as some might want you to believe. The opposite, in fact. You were a sponge.

This is why it’s fruitless, not to mention damaging, to compare yourself to another. It’s unfair to you. It’s unfair to them. You do not know their world, nor do they know yours. But as humans you want to believe you do. It feels good to connect and share. And so assumptions are made. But, never forget, each of you has your own highly personal filter. This filter is not limited to just the lens through which you view the world and form your beliefs, your body itself is a filter. You are both a receiver and a transmitter. 

That is why its best to know what you are receiving and what it is you are transmitting. Those energies, matter. Quite literally, they shape your world. 

Dear One, give yourself credit. The vast majority of you are quite evolved. You are seekers. You can’t get enough of the search for answers. A lot of life has filtered through you. You are, beautifully self aware. You have broken generational cycles. And, have chosen your own lens, instead of passively accepting what was passed down. You have deliberately placed your hand on the rudder that is your spoken words. You understand that much of life is a byproduct of what you say, what you think and the energies with which you surround yourself.

You’ve done a lot of work to understand what are some very challenging truths.

With all of that having been said, we ask that you not measure yourself against others. Its futile. It breaks your heart and saddens your soul. Because, whether you realize it or not, your soul is busy working within the inheritance you were given. There is a reason you didn’t get a secure upbringing. There is a reason you suffered neglect. There is a reason you endured gut-wrenching heartache. Those reasons may not be made clear to you just yet. But, there is a reason as it relates to your soul.

The amazing thing, as we see it, is what you’ve done with all of this. Challenges such as these are not for the faint of heart. They aren’t given to newly emerging souls. They are given to those who have been to war. You are operating on a higher level of expansion. What good does this do you in the here and now. That is what we ask you to discover. Take the time to suss out why you speak the way you do. What are your assumptions. What is it you believe. The Universe will meet you where you are at. That is not a flowery statement. We mean it quite specifically. If there is somewhere else you want to be, then move the rudder. Change your words. Change your assumptions. Look back on all that has been and pick and choose what you want to carry forward and what you want to let go. 

Not everyone has an easy start. And not everyone gets an easy end. Challenges come and go. And if you notice those who appear to have little to no difficulties, just remember, you don’t know what they’ve inherited. They may not know what pure love feels like. They may not see the same depth of beauty that’s been made visible only through eyes that have first seen insurmountable hardship. And if money seems to come into their life easily, realize that their journey is just that – theirs. You don’t know anything about how they see and feel the world. You don’t know how their filter works or how this life of theirs will end. You don’t know what their next life will entail. You only know you. That is why you are here. To flesh out the all of you. To feel. To listen to your great guidance system of emotion. 

Keep nudging your way toward what pleases you. Keep distancing yourself from that which dishonors you – and you always know what that is if you are paying attention to that feeling deep inside of yourself. And remember, the Universe will meet you where you are at. But first, discover where that is, and if it’s where you want to be. If not, take baby steps toward change. Keep going. You are more skilled at this than you realize. Most likely, that is why the inheritance was so great.

Wes

Written to Enough is Enough/Post Malone