I’m in a bit of a bad way tonight, dear reader. But I’ll be okay. That’s what I’ve learned from this life of mine – I’ll always make it through – even moments so painful, they take my breath away.
Tomorrow is a new day. And with it, I have to believe new people, places and opportunities will come my way. It’s these catalysts in life that sometimes bring a person to their knees. I wish God spoke to me with soft words during moments like this. But something about the way God and I are walking this life of mine, causes that not to be. Instead, it isn’t until the pain that is within me has been released, that I hear any words of clarity, love or support.
I keep doing my best though. I have no regrets. If I do, only a few. And as I’ve been able to turn back and see the value in almost all that has come my way, I can’t even damn even the harder parts of my life. But in the moment – in that fresh moment that lives in the now – my heart breaks. Oddly enough, I wrote an award-winning blog post during a moment such as this. During another, I wrote the first, all-important, pages of my memoir. So, I guess even in the now I see that value comes out of adversity. Pain, for me, often births beauty and a fresh perspective.
I have come to terms with the me I am now. I like who I am and what I offer the world. I did not come by this easily. I earned every step. My wisdom has come from first hand schooling. I can give compassion because I own it in excess, as I learned from a beautiful source that it is magical and divine to give what you want most to receive. And grace, I carry with me always, not by choice so much; but by having to stand tall when feeling weak. I question myself often. But I don’t regret that either. I feel it is the way we keep ourselves humble, allowing, and open for expansion. I must not believe that I always have the answer, or I will forget to keep seeking out that which I do not know.
I am a kind, gentle soul. I arrived at this too by way of harder times. I make few demands of life. I’ve come to understand that living within rigid lines, limits my ability to experience the full breadth of what this Universe has to offer me. But I do demand that as long as I remain with an open heart and ear that my God finds a way to speak to me. I demand that I never allow deep into my heart someone who does not respect that sacred space for which they’ve been allowed access. And I demand that I not waste these days of mine, and when all is said and done, I leave behind a life that was lived in full.
So if, dear reader, you are experiencing a painful catalyst, know that you’ll make it through. I may not know why this situation was brought your way, but if you look with divine eyes, I bet you do. Honor this catalyst. See it for what it is. Get from it all that you feel it is taking from you. Grow. Learn. Expand. And even if you feel like you are falling apart inside, that your dreams are dashes and your disappointments overwhelming – you will be alright. It may not feel like it right now. But, you will be alright.